The Movie Out Here Page #4

Make it quick.

I'm with an investor.

Waxopolis.

It's not a done deal.

What?

You'd better be joking,

shitweasel,

Because not only

Is that property

crucial to my hotel plan,

It's the next step

In paving over

that backward f***ing town

And creating

a real development!

Yeah, but...

Theo and his friends

Are throwing some lame

fundraising party

To make the payment.

Well, then, ass-Monkey,

I guess somebody

has to make sure

He doesn't throw that party!

I'll stop the party, daddy.

I got to go.

Say hi to that useless

dipshit brother of yours.

Barry!

Dad says he hates you.

I love you, daddy.

I love you, too.

Let's go, sh*t-Smoothie.

We got a wax shop to f***.

Let's go!

F***...

dad loves me.

Well...

if it isn't the two testicles.

No point on wasting your time

With your little party.

You need a permit,

Which I presume you don't have,

Because you're a f***ing moron.

Wow.

Don't you have

anything better to do?

Listen to me, douchenozzle.

It takes two weeks

to get a permit,

So you're f***ing little

waxopolis fundraiser

Isn't going to happen.

Looks like you two

will just have to stay here,

And wax each other off.

Whatever.

We're going to try to fast-Track

the permit anyway.

Funny one, cum-Plow.

You think the permit office

is even going to give a care

About your bullshit

legal ass-Puking?

No, you need a permit.

No permit, no f***ing party.

You're in fernie now, Dorothy.

F*** you guys later.

Get to stepping, slingblade.

Oh... whoa.

This is going to be

a walk in the park, man.

I will not only get the permit,

I will have her at the party

With six of

her hottest friends,

And nobody will be

wearing drawers.

You really need to work

on your confidence.

Mm.

What can I say, man?

31 years old,

Hottest girl

in community college.

Always thought her life

would add up to more

Than just being a paper pusher.

Dated the quarterback

Till he knocked up

her best friend.

Nice hair,

tasteful make-Up,

Probably went to beauty school,

Worked as a stylist

till her hours got cut back.

Push-Up bra,

So you know she keeps trying,

Even though there's nobody

in this joint to try for.

Keeps getting hit on

by chip over there,

And he keeps emailing her

pictures of his penis.

And she's starting to wonder

If maybe that's

the best she can do.

She needs out of this town,

and I'm here to rescue her.

I'm like king Arthur,

And my dick is Excalibur.

Okay, I got to go

register this.

Yeah. Yeah...

I work alone.

Hi.

I'm here to file

the magnadeuce injunction.

Hi, Clare.

You've been

impossible to reach.

Are you screening my calls?

We spoke earlier today.

Oh, so now I'm nagging you?

I never said that.

I've been busy.

So partying with

your loser friends is tiring?

Cool down, Clare.

Cool down?

I am so f***ing cool,

I'm f***ing

menstruating ice cubes!

Is that cool enough for you?

Are you okay?

Hey.

I'm sorry.

Could you just send me

the list for the dj?

That would be great.

Uh. Okay.

Thanks. Love you. Bye.

Bye.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Michael ain't dead.

Whoo!

Mm! Unh!

So...

this sasquatch attack

All took place in

your kitchen, correct?

Yes. That's correct.

Okay, I just want to go over

How it all went down.

Fresh, you stand over there

and be sasquatch.

Ma'am, if you don't mind.

Let's go over this.

Now, you said you heard

a crash outside your door.

I come to the door

I see the creature.

I grab a broom, like so,

Then I kick him

in the balls like that.

Okay, but

before he accosted you,

Were you blocking

his sight-Line to the fridge.

No. I

distinctly remember

I took a step to the side

As the creature

grabbed my wrist,

And then I kicked him

in the balls, like so.

What's going on in here?

We were just going over

the sequence of events, sir.

Let's hear it.

We don't want to waste

your time.

I appreciate that,

But maybe a fresh

pair of eyes can help.

I was just saying

That the creature

grabbed my wrist,

And then I kicked him

in the balls,

Like this.

So, the sasquatch

had a clear sight-Line

To the fridge

that contained kokanee.

That's what I said.

What happened after

you kicked the sasquatch?

Oh, thank you.

Let me see...

I turned and fled.

Thanks for your time.

You can leave, ma'am.

I want to talk to you two.

Look, some musician called snow

Is arriving in town.

Fernie pd has no extra men

for security detail,

So you guys are it.

Aw, snow?

That's awesome.

You keep it professional.

You pick him up at the airport

And make sure no one

gets up in his grill,

You understand?

Of course, sir.

You guys better not

f*** this up.

Oh, Glacier?

Some of the evidence photos

from your girlfriend's camera

Got, uh, water damaged.

Could you get me

some duplicate copies?

Yeah, of course.

Great.

If you could blow

them up to 11 x 17,

That would be good.

I think he's really

warming up to us.

So did you ask her to beat it?

How did you know that?

That's funny.

Hello, colon cleansers.

I figured you would have

crawled out of town

Now that you can't have

your little par-Tay.

Show him, Theo.

Wait for it.

Where the f***

did you blood-Farts

Get a permit?

Let's just say

we have an "in."

Okay, boys,

This one's on me.

And later,

I'm going to be on you.

Mm... Ooh. Oh...

goodness.

Mama, mama, mama,

not in front of the kids.

Ooh.

Ah!

Will somebody please explain

this f***ing game to me?

Hello!

Hi, daddy.

Craziest thing happened today.

It's about the permit.

They got it.

Well, how the f***

did they get it?

I don't know.

I think one of Theo's friend's

seduced the permit guy.

Shut the f*** up!

We need to change course.

Now, my good friend

and musician, snow, is in town,

Looking at one of

my investment properties.

And?

Well, if you don't want

the fat guy

Sitting next to you on the bus,

You throw a pack of rolos

down the aisle.

Uh, I don't get it, daddy.

If you want to stop the dog

from licking its balls,

You've got to cover

your own balls in peanut butter!

Still not clear.

What I'm trying to say to you

Is you put a concert on

with snow

On the same

f***ing night, moron!

No one will pay attention

to his lame-Ass party.

Now, get on it.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Really appreciate

you helping out, Danielle.

Yeah, no problem.

I sent invites out

to all my friends,

Told them to spread the word.

Jeremiah, hey, man,

Are you free this weekend?

We're having a party here

on Sunday night.

This Sunday?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I am busy.

Really?

Snow is playing at the legion.

A snow concert?

I didn't hear about this.

It was just announced.

Everyone in town is going.

You should move your party.

Come on out.

I'm sorry, dude,

I can't switch the date

of my party.

My soul aches for you, Theo.

Thanks, Jeremiah.

Please, be strong.

And do not interrupt me

for at least 15 minutes.

Man.

We're finished.

It's a small show.

And it's snow.

How many people are

going to see snow?

Snow is huge.

Adam, snow is

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