The Movie Out Here Page #6

# Of you and I the way

we had dreamed it would be #

# To live a life

of souls on the run #

# Then you kind of whispered

on your mark... #

Is there anywhere else

around here that's open?

No, this is it.

Damn.

Dude, don't worry.

No, man, I got to take a sh*t.

Oh.

In there.

I hate to say it, but

it's not looking good, Theo.

Oh, it'll be fine.

Don't worry, Adam.

We can't have a party

without beer.

If we don't have this party,

We can't save your business.

Look, maybe I can

find somebody here

To structure

a bankruptcy deal for you

So you're not paying off

debts forever.

Do you think you could talk

To one of your lawyerly guys

at your place?

Get me more time?

Look, I got

a confession to make.

There's a developer

That's trying to acquire

your property.

What?

They're called

magnadeuce properties,

And they're a major

client of ours, man.

I just found out.

What?

That's not the worst of it.

You remember that paper

That I filed at city hall?

Yeah.

That kind of clears the way

For them to go ahead

with the deal

Without getting challenged

By the zoning board.

That's cool.

No, Theo, listen to me.

My client is trying

to appropriate your property.

Your business is

done, man. Finished.

Look,

My spiritualist, Jeremiah,

says there is no end

And no beginning.

And he's a f***ing moron,

Okay?

Come Monday, waxopolis is over.

Done.

Do you understand?

I understand.

Finally.

I'm sorry for what I did

to your business.

You can't talk about

Jeremiah like that.

Are you f***ing serious?

I ruined your business,

and you're upset

Because I insulted

your spiritualist?

I'll see you back in fernie.

Theo...

come on, man!

Theo!

I'm going to take a walk.

Clear my head.

I'll hitch back.

Theo, come on, man.

F***!

Chief, you wanted to see us?

I gave you two morons

One job to do,

And you f***ed it up!

We're sorry, chief.

We told snow not to play

with the flare gun.

Are you being smart with me?

You two clowns are lucky

He has no recollection

of what happened.

There's been another attack

On an elderly person.

A man who lived

one property away

From the old lady.

Forensics found

this stool sample

At the crime scene.

Whoa.

Match the footprint.

Have the lab analyze it.

Fresh.

Yes, sir.

Move it!

Whoo-Ee.

Coming out feeling

10 pounds lighter.

Where's Theo at?

He decided

to walk back to fernie.

What?

Man...

why the hell would he go and do

some dumb sh*t like that?

I don't know,

Maybe because

I ruined his life?

Oh, man, I was afraid

this was gonna...

what?

Did he tell you he loves you

or something like that?

- What?

- Yeah, yeah, come on, man.

- No!

- Come on, dawg, really?

He's just upset

'cause of his business.

No, he's in love

with you, okay?

And now he's going to

get attacked by a bear,

And the bear

is going to rape him.

- What?

- Yes! And do you know

That bears have barbed penises?

How the f*** do you know that?

All that footage you see...

Just listen, dog,

all that footage you see

Of the dead bodies?

That's not from their teeth.

The penis rips...

How do you know this?

I watch wild kingdom.

I feel bad enough as it is,

Let's not hoist

all this crap on me.

No, we need to go pick him up,

Because that dude,

he thinks I'm Asian.

Yeah...

yeah.

You need to pick him up.

I'm not going to be here

when the sh*t goes down,

When he gets killed.

No, no, they'll be

looking at me,

Because I'm the only brother

in cranbrook right now.

Guaranteed.

- Yeah.

- We need to go.

We should get you

back to fernie.

We should go.

Yeah. Let's go get him.

Ow, f***!

Don't just stand there,

tit bucket!

What the f*** are you doing

in here, shaft-Yanker?

I don't care what you do.

Just don't touch the wifi.

Okay, plug every drain you see.

Then we'll turn the water on.

I want this place so f***ed up,

That taint-Pilot

won't want it back.

Holy sh*t-Farts.

That clit-Basket

works for dad's law firm.

Barry! Come here!

Change of plans,

anus-Slapper.

We're not going to flood

this sh*t-Hole anymore.

Aw.

No.

We're gonna f*** these losers

in a real way.

A very real way.

# Does your mother

tell you things? #

# Long, long when I'm gone?

# Who you talking to?

# Is she telling you

I'm the one? #

# It's a grave mistake

# And I'm wide awake

These berries look delicious.

Holy crap.

Sasquatch.

Where's mcsorley?

Over here.

Get back to work!

Hey, sasquatch.

How are you?

What's happening here?

We're trying on bikinis

for our next scene.

We're shooting

a kokanee commercial.

Cool.

Is that why I saw the dude

With the furry suit?

That's not just a dude.

That's Marty Mcsorley.

The famous gynecologist?

Ah, no.

The hockey player.

He's working on

his acting career.

Are you okay?

I think I ate

a bad batch of berries.

They're not sitting pretty.

Yeah, you don't look so good.

Can you direct me

to the washroom, please?

You mean

the porta-Potty?

Yeah.

Go to woods where you see

that orange marker.

Follow the trail

down to a set of rocks.

Go right, then left,

Then go down the small hill,

and it's on the right.

You can't miss it.

Got it.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Thanks for getting to this

so quickly, gord.

No, problem, guys.

So, what's the verdict?

Well, there's definitely

a footprint there

Larger than a human's.

Is that sasquatch's turd?

I wish.

It was probably made

by a grizzly bear.

Blueberries.

Salmon bones.

What's that?

Oh, I must have missed that.

Okay, zoom in.

Enhance.

Zoom in a little more.

Enhance.

To the left. Zoom in.

Zoom in.

Wait, back out.

What is that?

It looks like

a hair of some sort.

It wasn't internalized

by the bear.

It's on the surface.

My guess is it was left there

By whatever made the footprint.

Let me see if we can get

you guys an ultraviolet scan.

Hmm.

Well, it's not human.

Yes!

Well, it's not

sasquatch's either...

that's man-Made.

That's a polymer-Based

synthetic.

Sort of thing

you might find in a wig

Or in a costume.

Anything else?

No, that's it, gents.

Thanks, Gordo.

Oh, hey, Glacier.

Yeah?

Uh, say hi to Cathy for me.

Oh, you know Cathy?

Do I know Cathy.

She's a friend.

Of a friend...'s neighbour.

Tell her, "hi from gord."

Gord from the lab.

She walks my dog...

if you know what I'm saying.

Make sure you say

"lab gord," too!

Not "r&d gord."

That's a different guy.

My nickname's "horse!"

Look, we got to

figure out a way

To make this party happen.

It's my fault that

Theo is in this mess.

Your fault?

You said when you came up here,

You didn't know

that your client

Wanted this property, right?

Yeah.

And the only reason

you're involved in this

Is that that big, fat

bloated dude had a heart attack

And sh*t all down your mouth

And down your throat, right?

He did not sh*t

down my throat, okay?

He had a heart attack

on the toilet.

The fart was

a little misty, but...

Tomato, tomahto, okay?

You are a victim

of circumstances, my friend.

Well...

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