The Mule Page #3

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You finish your breakfast,

then you can piss.

I got these photos from your luggage.

They're your shots from Thailand?

- Yeah.

- Mind if I have a look?

Sure.

We spoke to one of your teammates.

A gentleman named

Graeme Spence, aka Cheeky,

said you weren't around

much in Thailand.

Then on the last day,

all the boys went to the tiger park

but you went to the markets instead.

Is there any reason for that?

I don't like seeing caged animals.

Aww!

- Where were the markets?

- Near the hotel.

- What did you buy?

- Pratunam? Chatuchak?

- A snow dome.

- A snow dome!

They get a lot of snow

in Bangkok, do they?

So you never went to the tiger park?

No.

Well, what's this, then?

My mate borrowed the camera that day.

- What's his name?

- Josh.

Josh who?

- Josh Robinson.

- F***, mate.

- Did any boys take drugs?

- I don't know.

- What, no Buddha stick?

- Did you?

- No.

- Bit of hash?

- Anyone offer you drugs?

- Bit of coke?

- No!

- Ask you to hide drugs?

- Mum like a taste, does she?

- Are you sure?

No, I've never had heroin.

It was an end of season

footy trip. That's it.

Who said anything about heroin?

He... he did.

Didn't you?

You got something you want to tell us?

Lawyer's here.

Ray, stay with me. You were saying?

- I've got...

- What should I tell her?

- Tell her to suck my dick.

- Or you could do that yourself.

Jasmine Griffiths. Legal Aid.

I'm here to see my client,

Mr Ray Jenkins.

Yeah, just a second.

Ray, you said, 'I've got... '

What have you got?

You're not required to answer any

questions right now, Mr Jenkins.

I've got... nothing to hide.

My client and I require

some time alone, please.

- Oh!

- Sorry, Miss Jenkins.

Hey. We heard about Ray.

All the boys are really worried.

- Oh, thank you, Gavin.

- Is he OK?

I hope so.

Yeah, I'll just be a few minutes, love.

- We're going to see him now.

- Where is he?

- He's in a motel.

- Motel?

Yeah, no, the police

are keeping him there.

Like a fu... like a witness?

What's he said?

Nothing. I don't know.

That's what we're going to find out.

Righto, love. Coming!

- I'll be right behind you.

- Righto, Gav.

Thanks, mate. See ya.

Ray'll appreciate it.

Ray, if they try to coerce a

confession out of you again,

just tell them my presence is required

before you'll disclose anything.

I suppose my next question is,

if you've got nothing to hide,

why won't you defecate?

- What?

- Why won't you go to the loo?

I told you before. I'm constipated.

The thing is, if you keep...

- Sh*t, I'm so sorry.

- It's fine. It's OK.

It's OK. Look, the thing is,

though, if...

I did not mean that.

I'll get your mother.

My mum's here?

Bit more choke and that

would have started.

You haven't charged him.

You haven't allowed him

access to basic sanitation.

He claims you've assaulted him.

Assault?

You haven't got a leg to stand on.

He's not a case study, Toots.

He's a shithead with a gutful of junk.

I can assure you that my client

will be leaving here a free man.

Not unless he keeps that gear up

his arse for another six days.

Innocent until

proven guilty. Look it up.

You'll find it written in almost

any book about basic human rights.

A human rights warrior,

here to save the world.

I've never seen your type before.

Let me guess.

You shunned the big firms for Legal Aid

because for you it's not about money,

it's about justice, yeah?

I defend those who can't

defend themselves.

Nice of you to pop down

to the working class.

Especially with those

sugary tits of yours.

Just give him a shower, pin-dick.

There's no taps in his bathroom.

Well, use your bathroom, then.

Lord knows you could do with a wash too.

Oh, sh*t!

You'll be right,

just get you on your feet.

You're right. Up you get.

- Mate, you keep slipping.

- Oh, Jesus Christ.

Come on.

Hurry up! Don't be a mongoloid!

Get off!

Please! Oh, get off!

- What's going on?

- Get off!

We're just trying to help our man up.

Wouldn't want anything bad

to happen to him, would we?

What's this they're saying

about drugs in your stomach?

It's just a mix-up.

Yeah, well, that's what I keep

telling them, isn't it, John?

It's OK, Mum. I'll fix it. I promise.

But they can't keep you here

without charging you, can they?

Yes, for seven days, but that's all.

Mum, Mum, Mum, please don't cry.

Yeah, come on, darl.

Darl, pull yourself together.

Mate, all the boys down the

club have been phoning.

Your vice-captain called

by the house again today.

He's very worried about you. We all are.

Tell him I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Clubman of the Year, remember?

That's right. You are.

And you've never been in trouble

with the police before, have you?

- Never.

- That's right.

- Never.

- Never.

He's in room 308.

He hasn't said anything.

Good on you, Coach.

- Can I help you?

- Nah, wrong floor.

Cough.

Well, well, well. Never had a

mule refuse to sh*t before.

No. How long can the bastard last?

Well, I pulled some files this morning.

Three years ago, a Nigerian national

was detained at Heathrow

on suspicion of smuggling.

Guess how long he didn't sh*t for.

I don't know.

Ten days.

Jesus Christ.

Give me ten minutes with that donkey,

he'll sh*t more than his pants.

Whatever it takes.

It's not exactly topical,

is it, sweetheart?

I'd like to speak to

a senior journalist.

...design has remained

shrouded in mystery.

Regardless of result,

the question remains...

when will the Aussies reveal the

design of their hidden keel?

- Sonia say one kilo, all good.

- One kilo?

- What else did he say?

- She say your men take and go.

- No lie.

- Did you say 'men'?

Yes. Man.

No. Hold on. 'Man' or 'men'?

- 'Man' or 'men'?

- Man.

- Men.

- Oh, for Christ's sake!

One or two?

F***, Phuk! One or two?

One man...

or... two men?

Man.

Oh! Oh, Pat!

F***in' scared the life out of me, mate.

You ought to be more careful, mate.

Christ, mate... I needed to...

I needed to get ahead, Pat.

I mean, look at this shithole.

F***in' look at it.

I couldn't ask you for any

more money. I couldn't.

I was talking about the beer.

Where is he?

Where is he?

Pat, I... I...

Pat, what are you doing?

Oh, please, mate. Not the car.

Oh, no, no, no, no! Pat, I gotta

pick Jude up from work, mate.

What the f*** am I gonna tell her?

Come on, drop your strides.

Cough.

Alright, lift up your nuts.

Lift up your nuts!

Alright, he's clean.

I'm starving. Who wants lunch?

Fuckstick?

There are tongs for that.

You run, go fetch me some.

I don't work here.

Well, you f*** off, then.

You just made your second mistake.

- Yeah?

- Wrong tree, d*ckhead.

F***.

Fried rice. No mushroom.

And the number one

single across the country

for the third week in a row,

it's the new national anthem,

Australiana by Austen Tayshus.

Sitting at home last Sunday mornin',

me mate Booma rang.

Said he was having a few

people around for a barbie.

Said he might cook a burra or two.

I said, 'Sounds great.

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