The Owl House Page #3

Season #1 Episode #8: Once Upon a Swap

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Hooty:
Hoot House. Hooty Hooting.

[Cut back to town, where the teens are still laughing. King tosses the crow into a megaphone.]

Hooty:
Oh, wow. I've been waiting for someone to call all day, and now, it's finally happened! We can talk for hours, and hours, and hours, and hours...

Man #2:
[screams]

[Cut to the teens walking through town, the Oracle student and Amelia holding bags of onion rings. The backing music stops.]

King:
[laughs] I don't know what Luz is talking about. This life is a breeze. [gasps]

Boscha:
Enough! I don't know why they can't remember what a weirdo loser you are, but I'm gonna help them remember.

King:
Ooh, I'm so scared. [chuckles] She still thinks she has power over you guys.

[The other three are all staring at Boscha in fear.]

King:
Guys?

Boscha:
Luz, I challenge you to a race... around Dead Man's Curve.

[She points to a winding road held up with bones. Lightning strikes the road, knocking a chunk of it off.]

All:
[gasps]

Boscha:
And we'll be racing on those. [points] Giant rat worms.

King:
Meh.

Skara:
You don't have to do this, you know. We know humans are, like, super fragile.

King:
Don't baby me! [walks up to Boscha] Boscha, I accept your strange teenaged, coming‐of‐age challenge thing.

[Cut to Dead Man's Curve as one of the bones supporting it crumbles. King shoves one of the rat worms to the starting line where Boscha is already sitting. Amelia pulls out an onion ring.]

Amelia:
On your mark...

[King climbs onto his rat worm as Boscha smirks at him.]

Amelia:
Get set...

King:
[gulps]

[Amelia bites into the onion ring. Boscha's rat worm immediately takes off. King's does not.]

King:
Let's go!

[Rat worm growls]

King:
Worm minion, I said go!

[He smacks the worm's tail. It screams and takes off.]

King:
Stop! I said stop! [screaming]

[King's rat worm rolls down Dead Man's Curve as King rides it backwards. Boscha takes the turns expertly while King bounces off of them. Despite that, he catches up.]

Boscha:
[gasps]

King:
This is how the cool kids ride. Super backwards. On purpose.

[Boscha growls. She faces forward and gasps, pulls her rat worm to a stop. King speeds past.]

King:
Yes! Say bye‐bye to your popularity, Boscha.

Boscha:
[waves mockingly] Bye‐bye.

[King turns around and sees a caution sign with blinking worms. He yelps and tries to stop his rat worm, but it's too late. He plows into the caution sign and plummets, destroying the Treasure Shack.]

King:
[falls off the rat worm] Ow.

Skara:
Not the Treasure Shack!

Oracle Student:
I don't know how to process this. Someone tell me what to do!

Boscha:
[smirks] Get her!

[They all take off after King.]

King:
Weh!

[King runs. They follow. He slides down a hill and takes off on all fours.]

Boscha:
Get back here, human!

King:
Luz was right. I can't handle the complexities of teenage life. I just want my body back.

[He runs into the paint can left outside the kitty café.]

Boscha:
I think I saw her go this way.

[King runs inside. The teens fly past it. King catches his breath, then sighs in relief. The lights flick on.]

King:
Huh?

[Roselle stomps in.]

Roselle:
Dottie! A teen has come to steal our little babies. [wields a broom]

King:
No, wait! I am a little baby! [runs]

Roselle:
No, you're not. You're a rotten teen! But when we finish with you, you'll be calling for your mother. [grabs knitting needles and drags them over her teeth]

King:
Lady, I just want my body back.

Eda:
You can have it. Your life is pretty terrible. But, hey, it'll probably be over soon.

Dottie:
[snarls, tosses a bag over King]

[Cut to the market, where Luz stands up.]

Luz:
Whew! Okay, let's try this again. And strut, strut, strut. [grunts]

[She falls against a box and knocks over a lamp. Freeze frame with Luz looking at the words, "LUZ'S DEALS IN HEELS." Action resumes as Luz lifts up her foot.]

Luz:
How does Eda wear these all day? [sees the broken lamp] Oh, no. What have my heels done? Wait a second. I'm a ding dang witch!

[She draws a spell circle at the lamp, blasting herself into the air. She lands behind the table with a yelp.]

Luz:
Boy, Eda is powerful. [yells as magic comes out of her hand] Not again!

[Cut to Luz putting oven mitts on, her pointer finger sticking out of each.]

Luz:
Okay, let's try this one more time.

[She draws a spell circle over the lamp, fixing it and giving it human legs.]

Luz:
[coughs, gasps] I made magic with my hands! [jumps]

Man #2:
[looking at the lamp] Ooh, so unnecessarily extravagant. I'll take it.

Luz:
Zippo swappo. Sold to the savvy shopper.

[She draws a spell circle and the lamp walks off. The man follows it, tossing Luz a snail.]

Luz:
Okay, magic hands, let's see what else we can magically magic.

[With a snap of her fingers, a giant neon sign and spotlights appear at the stand. She is now wearing a top hat reading "EDA."]

Luz:
Step right up and feast your eyes on the marvels of the human realm!

Customer #1:
Oh, what is this?

Customer #2:
Where did the other stand go?

Customer #3:
Your lights are too bright, and I forgot what I came here for.

Luz:
Was it for laughter? [magics a feather duster to tickle him]

Customer #3:
[laughing] Joy! So painful. [hands her fistfuls of snails] I'll take two for my enemies.

[A centaur walks up and points to his blank human face. Luz uses a marker to draw him a face. The centaur cries with joy and piles the table high with snails. A baby wails in a carriage. A giant pacifier appears in its mouth. The baby's parent dumps an entire coin purse onto the table. Various customers leave the stand.]

Luz:
Thank you! Come again! There's a little something for everyone. Take it from me, Eda, the Boiling Isles' gift to magic.

Guard #1:
Is that right? You're the famous Eda the Owl Lady?

Luz:
That depends. Are you a fan... [reaches into the top hat and pulls out flowers] of magic?

[The flowers make a sound effect as their eyes shine.]

Guard #1:
No, but I am a fan of... [takes cloak off] the law.

Flowers:
Oh, no! [wilt and die]

[The guard cuffs Luz.]

Guard #2:
[approaches the stand] We were finally able to catch you in the act. All thanks to this little light show of yours.

Luz:
[looks between them] Gentlemen, whaddya say we forget this whole thing ever happened? Amnesia spell!

[She summons a pacifier into the second guard's mask. He narrows his eyes.]

Luz:
Haven't quite got the hang of this yet.

[Cut to a police precinct. A camera shutters, and Luz is standing in front of a height chart holding a prisoner number card.]

Camera Monster:
[coughs] This is some of my best work. Really captures the shame.

[Owlbert is taken by a guard. He chirps in protest as the guard puts a ring around his wings.]

Guard #3:
[laughs, slams door] Yeah, you're going away for a long time, you filthy criminal.

Owlbert:
[hoots nervously]

Luz:
Owlbert! This is all a big mistake. [led into an interrogation room] You're gonna laugh when I explain.

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