The Pink Panther Page #4

Good.

But that desk was...

...priceless.

- Clouseau.

- Oh, yes.

I need your help. Now, it's very

important that you remain calm...

...and you do not turn around.

- Remain calm. Do not turn around.

Behind you in the casino

are the Gas Mask Bandits.

Oh, my God!

The Gas Mask Bandits!

- All Europe is looking for them.

- How can I help?

- Just give me your coat.

- Yes, of course. Why?

I'm not supposed to be here.

But I can't let

the Gas Mask Bandits escape.

- Put it on.

- Yes. Yes, of course. But why?

I'm not supposed to be here,

remember?

Inspector.

My God, man, that was fantastic.

Inspector, was Clouseau's plan to set

a trap for the Gas Mask Bandits?

Does Clouseau think the Bandits

are connected to the Pink Panther?

Is Clouseau

going to be promoted, sir?

I cannot comment

on ongoing investigations.

Drive.

Inspector?

Clouseau?

Good one.

Thank you.

Now, what do you have for me?

We have rounded up

all the people in Paris...

...with the name "You."

- Finally, we are getting somewhere.

Read that back.

You may go.

You speak Chinese?

What, you don't think

I speak Chinese?

If I don't speak Chinese,

what are we doing here?

That must be funny

around the water cooler.

"Oh, Inspector Clouseau

does not speak Chinese.

Let's take him out for lunch.

We will all speak Chinese.

He won't know

what we are talking about."

Is that what you like to do?

Is that funny?

Of course I speak Chinese.

Clouseau?

Bonjour, Nicole.

Could I see you in my office

in a few minutes?

I'll be right with you, inspector.

Yes, inspector?

Nicole.

The weather has been so pleasant.

I was wondering if you think

it's going to stay this mild.

I certainly hope so.

But do you think the weather...

...is going to change?

Let's keep our fingers crossed...

...that it stays this mild.

And here's another one for you!

Now let's see who you are.

It is "Inspector Dreyfus."

The intruder is obviously wearing

a flesh mask.

But that will come off.

My face!

Maybe there is a seam

under your hairline.

I'll just turn you around.

Are you feeling any better?

I am so sorry, inspector.

Let's just forget it.

I thought I would stop by and let you

know how we are doing on the case.

Oh, I'll just...

...stay back here.

- Yes, of course.

I see you have one

of these collapsible pointers.

So very useful.

It is so degrading to have to point

with your finger...

...or one of those

long wooden sticks...

...like you are some sort

of primitive oaf.

But you have one of these, you just

snap it open and you are ready to go.

The case. The case, Clouseau.

Yes, the case.

The case is going quite well.

I have prepared a list of suspects.

And how many suspects

do you have?

Twenty-seven thousand

six hundred eighty-three.

It's just a matter of time now,

isn't it?

- Have you eliminated any suspects?

- Yes.

One.

One. And who would that be?

Gluant.

Gluant is the victim.

Excellent, inspector.

We think alike.

One clue leading inexorably

to the next.

Just leave it.

I assure you, inspector...

...I will soon have your criminal

cornered like a...

Like a... Like... Like a... Like...

Like something...

Something that you... You corner.

- Well put.

- I see you enjoy wordplay.

We will have to have lunch

one day...

...and engage

in a little verbal jousting.

I'm sure you're quite the raconteur.

Yes.

So I will call you for lunch.

There's only one item

on the agenda of this committee:

To approve the list of nominees

for our nation's highest award...

...the Medal of Honor.

The two nominees are...

...Charles Dreyfus...

No.

...and Sister Marie-Hugette...

...whose selfless concern

for our nation's orphans...

...is an inspiration to us all.

I would like to add one more name

for the committee's consideration.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau, the man

who came here from a small village...

...to investigate the murder

of Yves Gluant...

...who just last night captured

the notorious Gas Mask Bandits.

Yes. Interesting idea.

- An average Frenchman.

- Exactly.

Excellent idea.

All in favor?

How is it I was not informed

of Clouseau's going to that casino?

- It was the middle of the night.

- Oh, it was the middle of the night.

What, you did not want to wake me?

I want to know

of Clouseau's whereabouts...

...every hour, 24 hours a day.

You miss one call, and I will have

you kicked off the force.

- Do you understand?

- Yes, sir.

Why are you not with him now?

- I'm here.

- Get out.

- Clouseau.

- Ponton.

Let's call it a day. I am tired.

I just wanted to see where you are

with the investigation.

Good idea, Ponton.

To let the subconscious mind...

...work on the case while we sleep.

Now then, what are the facts?

Yves Gluant was found...

...at the international championship

semifinal...

...with a poison dart in his neck.

- The crime!

Bizu wanted to kill him,

but is now himself dead.

A complication!

Gluant was siphoning off money...

...from Larocque.

- A motive!

And close to the body

was the singer, Xania.

Xania is not the killer.

But I suspect she knows more

than she is telling me.

- Where is she now?

- She left suddenly for New York.

We are going to have to follow her

and find out what she is up to.

And if I am going to America...

...I am going to have to speak

with a flawless American accent...

...so as not to arouse suspicion.

So find me the greatest

accent coach in the world.

I would like to buy a hamburger.

I would like to buy a hamburger.

I would like to buy a hamburger.

I would like to buy...

...a hamburger.

No, no, no. Let's break it down.

I.

- I.

- I.

- Would.

- Would.

- Would.

- Would.

- Would.

- Weird.

Would.

Would.

- Like.

- Like.

- Like.

- Like.

- To.

- To.

- To.

- To.

To.

To.

- Buy.

- Buy.

- Buy.

- Bee.

- Buy.

- Bye-bye.

- A.

- A.

Hamburger.

Hamburger.

Hamburger.

- Hamburger.

- Hamburger.

I would like to buy a hamburger.

I would like to buy a damburger.

It's not "damburger." Hamburger.

I'm not saying "damburger." I said,

"I would like to buy a damburger."

- I would like to buy a hamburger.

- I would like to buy the hamburger.

- Hamburger.

- I would like to buy a hamburger!

- Maybe we should stop.

- We don't quit.

We do not quit. Again! Again!

- I would like to buy a hamburger.

- I would like to buy a hamburger!

- I would like to buy a hamburger.

- I would like to buy hamburger.

- I would like to buy a hamburger.

- I would like to buy a hamburger.

- I would like to buy a hamburger.

- I would like to buy hamburger!

I would like to buy a hamburger.

- Have you ever had a hamburger?

- Well, of course not.

It's a disgusting American food.

I never see you with women.

I'm married.

You don't wear a ring.

To protect her.

I'm afraid some villain

might threaten her.

Yes.

Tell me about her.

I consider her the most

beautiful woman in the world.

What about yourself?

No, I don't consider myself

a beautiful woman.

I mean, is there a woman

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