The Pirates of Somalia Page #4

---

- What's he saying?

- He wants to know

if you want to buy some.

- Oh, no, I--I--sorry,

I'm on a very fixed budget.

I didn't account for drug

money. I don't have any--

[both speaking Somali]

- He wants you to try it.

- [laughs]

- It won't kill you.

Yes, just bite down.

- What's the effects?

- Makes some people

want to have sex,

others very talkative.

[laughs]

- Ugh! Tracy was a great girl,

but, you know, she--what--what

are you gonna do?

She moves on. I move on.

I really doubt we'll ever

even talk again.

I mean, why bother, right?

Seems like a waste of time.

I mean, it's just gonna

confuse thing and make it

more difficult.

- Men and women

can't be friends.

- Exactly!

Exactly, that's

the same over here?

- Yes, it's a universal

thought.

- See, where I come

from, they debate it.

They debate it like

morons, like idiots.

- It's not a debate. It's fact.

We're reaching a checkpoint.

Please stay calm.

[tense music]

[both speaking Somali]

- Ah, Mr. Bahadur.

[speaking Somali].

- Hi.

- So we finally meet

face to face, huh?

- Yes, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, sir. Abdi.

[speaking Somali]

You are younger than

I pictured, somewhat.

- Ah.

- Western reporters to me

are always so f***ing unhappy.

- Well, I get even better

once I shower.

- Come on, come on.

Has Abdi been good to you?

- Yes, mad good, yeah.

- He's the best translator

in all of Puntland, you know?

- Oh, no, really?

- Yeah.

We stole him from the pirates.

- Oh, you mean, uh,

badaadinta badah?

- Abdi, did you teach him this?

- Ah--

- This is not

our Coast Guard, Abdi,

they are pirates!

You must forget

the old guard's thinking.

They are pirates!

- Pirates.

[both speaking Somali]

- Mr. Jay.

- Hi.

- So what do you think of

the Radio Garowe newsroom?

- Nice.

- Does it look like

the ones in Canada?

- [clears throat] Yes.

Yes, it does, a bit, yeah.

- It's amazing, huh?

[phone rings]

- Is it a local station or, um--

- Oh, one minute.

- Okay. Okay.

- Yeah, mostly it's local,

but, you know,

the guy is very famous.

He used to work for--

- This guy, famous?

- [speaking Somali]

That was my father's office.

He wants to meet us now.

- Your father?

The--the president?

- Yeah, we must go now.

- F***. [clears throat]

- Pirates are not the most

cooperative group to deal with.

- Mm-hmm.

- Look here.

The main pirates' clan

are dotted around here.

- Eyl.

- You know Eyl?

- Yeah, that's where

they took the Farhina

and held it for six months.

- Precisely. Eyl is a fishing

town where they started.

I'm working on getting you

a meeting with Boyah.

- Boyah?

- Yes, he's a man Somali

calls Robin Hood.

- Robin Hood of the pirates?

- But it could take some time.

- How much time?

- Days, maybe weeks.

Is that a problem?

- No. No, no, that's fine.

- No?

- That's totally fine, yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Yeah, I'll just--I'll call

my publisher

and make sure it's all set,

finances,

extending it, and everything.

[speaking Somali]

[speaking Somali]

- My father just got in here

a couple weeks ago.

The transition of government

was entirely peaceful.

[all speaking Somali]

[both speaking Somali]

This is the reporter,

Jay Bahadur.

- It's an honor to meet you,

Your Excellency.

- Welcome, Mr. Bahadur.

So my son tells me you're

the next Mr. Bob Woodward.

- I'm not so sure about that.

- Why aren't you sure?

You have made it farther

into Somalia

than any of

your Western counterparts.

- With all due respect, uh,

I've always considered myself

more of a Bernstein

than a Woodward.

Bernstein was ugly as hell

and never got through college.

Overcame his shortcomings.

Uh, I find that admirable.

- He's a funny guy.

- Very funny.

- I would like to introduce you

to Colonel Omar,

who'll be the head of your

security team during your stay.

- Welcome.

- Pleasure to meet you, Colonel.

- I'll protect you well,

Mr. Bahadur.

- [speaking Somali]

- You're welcome.

- You have learned some Somali?

- Enough to be a bad tourist.

Um, is this okay?

- Of course.

That's why you're here.

My family and I spent our last

eight years in Australia--

- Is there a reason the six

pack paisley napk--are--

- And we--

- Not here?

Sorry. I'm so sorry,

Your Excellency. I'm just, uh--

I think because

it was just--

Trying to get this dang

thing working here.

Festive--festive--

[sighs]

Good to go.

- The people of Somalia asked me

to come back here

and to run for this office.

I never saw myself

being the president.

I am a businessman.

I am not a warrior

like my predecessors,

but here I am,

fighting to bring justice

to those who destroy

our country.

Have you seen a school since

you've come here, Mr. Bahadur?

- Uh, no, I must

admit I haven't.

- We have the fewest schools

in the African nations.

Do you know how hard it is

to rule here with a PhD

knowing the children I lead

have no chance for an education?

Their role models

of success are pirates.

The Western world thinks

we encourage this.

This must change.

Do you have a title yet?

- A title?

- For your future

bestselling book.

- Oh. Um, yes, of course.

Um, "Pirates."

- That's sh*t title.

Just "Pirates?"

- "Pirates of Somalia."

- Be more creative.

Be more creative.

- Creative?

- Yeah.

- Creative.

- Creative

- Yes, creative, you're right.

- Jay, you know,

my father likes you.

- What, you think so?

- Yes, yes.

- All right.

- He knows you will bring

great things here.

- What if I don't?

[laughter]

- How can you not when people

read your bestseller?

- Ohh.

- Abdi, have you

found Boyah yet?

- Mm.

- Oh, you must be patient, man.

- Yeah.

- He will show up.

[speaking Somali]

They're gonna take you

to your accommodations.

- Wow. Thank you, uh,

so much for everything.

- That's the beginning

of a better Somalia, Jay.

- Yes, I certainly hope so.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Have a good night.

- You too, good night.

[both] Good night.

[speaking Somali]

- Welcome, welcome.

- Yeah.

- You will be here

the next six months.

- Great.

- Yes. This is my cousin.

[speaking Somali]

- Hi, Jay.

- [speaking Somali]

- I'll work on that.

- Mm-hmm.

- Nice to meet you.

- We call him the Yellow Chair.

- Yellow Chair?

Oh, 'cause there's

a yellow chair, I get it.

- He's a little crazy, yes.

- I get it. That's good.

- [speaking Somali]

- Hi.

- I tell them

you're a white ghost.

- Why the f***

did you do that, man?

- They've never seen

a white man before. It's okay.

They are my sister's kids.

I live up there.

- All right.

- Mm.

- Third floor?

- It's--yes.

It's--it's usually

very quiet here.

- Okay, that's great.

- Although it's--it gets hot

from the sun,

and thanks to you we are

the only people with Internet.

- What?

- Yes, that alone

is worth you being my guest.

Thank you.

- Glad I could be

of some service to you.

- Yes.

- Oh, wow, nice.

- Nice hall.

So yes, I need to advise you,

keep that closed.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes