The Prisoner of Second Avenue Page #5

You could be the head, l would cook...

...and the girls could|be the swimming and riding instructors.

You'd like that, wouldn't you, Mel?

All we have to do|is just save some money.

Even if you don't get|another job right away...

...l can always work. l'm strong.

But you mustn't get sick.

You mustn't get sick and die.

Because l don't want to live|in this world without you.

l don't want you|to leave me alone here, Mel.

l don't like it here.

We'll show them.

We'll show them all.

-Wayne, this is the lady you were expecting.|-Edna Reale?

-No. lt's Edison now.|-l'm Wayne Morgan. Thank you, Jack.

Cooperman told me you were a hell|of a production assistant in your day.

Yeah, in my day. Well, what am l in for?

Easiest job in the world.|Just give up your home life.

Will you sit here?|We're having a reading now.

-We'll need a breakdown tonight.|-Tonight?

-Sorry.|-That's show biz.

Fine, Ed. Fine. Ed...

...l thought l'd take you up on that|offer you made to have lunch sometime.

You always said you wished you|had a man like me with the company.

After the 1 5th?|Swell, l'll give you a call.

After the 1 5th. Right.

Right. Yeah.

Name, please?

Edison. lt's right there on the card.

And how long have you|been unemployed, Mr. Edison?

-Ten weeks now.|-Ten weeks, was that?

Monday will mark the 1 0th anniversary|of my unemployment.

Have you been looking for employment|in the past week--?

l've been looking in the past week.

l've been looking for the past|1 0 weeks now. That's why l'm here.

-Have you turned down any employment--?|-Have l turned down any employment...?

l haven't turned down any employment.|Why should l?

Why do you always--?

lf l'm coming here every week,|why would l turn down employment?

-That's why l'm unemployed, for Christ--|-Then the answer is no.

Right. Yes. No. That's the answer.|Write down no. No.

Twenty-two off.

Eighteen off.

-Twelve on.|-Twelve on.

Mel.

Mel, l'm home.

Hi, love. How are you?

We need a shave, don't we?

You must be starved. l just couldn't|get out of the studio before 8:00.

They're still there working.

l told them l just couldn't stay.

l got us a cheese souffle. lt'll only take|a couple of minutes to heat it up again.

l brought you Sports Illustrated.

There's a terrific story about the Knicks.|He thought you might get a kick out of it.

Here you are.|Everybody's working like crazy...

...hoping we can finish|this Christmas show before the weekend.

Otherwise, we may have to go in.

l'm just not going.

l mean, l see you little enough as it is.

Oh, boy.

Oh, that's good.

That's the first food|l've had since yesterday...

...that wasn't from a vending machine.

Sit down. Have dinner and talk to me.

l don't have the energy|to talk when l get home.

l don't know how l do it.|l've been saving energy...

...for the past 22 years.

How are you, sweetheart?|You feeling all right?

Well?

You feel all right?

You don't feel like talking?

Come on, Mel. l haven't seen you|since breakfast yesterday...

...and l'm gonna be fast asleep|in 1 5 minutes.

Talk to me. What did you do today?

l took a walk.

-Good. Where?|-From the bedroom into the living room.

-That's all?|-Then l walked back into the bedroom.

Once l went into the kitchen|for a glass of water.

l'd say that was my high peak|of the day.

Okay, you don't feel like talking--

Want to hear about my morning?

-lt's all right.|-l looked outside three times...

...l listened to the radio...

...and l went to the toilet.

Which is still flushing,|but l didn't jiggle it...

...because l know you like|to do that when you come home.

You didn't sleep well again last night.

Was last night the night before|this morning? l get them mixed up.

My life is so busy.

l thought you were gonna|take a walk in the park.

There's no place left for me to walk.|l know every path and bridge and stone.

l know every squirrel in the park|and l know where they all bury their nuts.

Maybe tomorrow l can sneak an hour off,|and we can have lunch...

-...in the zoo.|-l've been to the zoo every day for 34 days.

Every time l pass the monkeys,|they say, ''He's here again.''

Give me the fork.

-Did anyone call?|-Your mother. We exchanged recipes.

Anyone else?

l'm not an answering service.

You want me to answer the phone,|hire me, l could use the work.

l take it then there was nothing|in the paper today.

-About what?|-About a job!

Well, certainly, Edna.

There's lots of jobs.|Cooks, dishwashers, male nurses.

Delta is looking for hostesses...

...but l don't wanna be away from home|that much.

Do you want me to give up my job|and hang around the house with you?

l think this arrangement is fine.|You've been so nice to me.

Pay the rent, buy the food,|bought me a new sports jacket.

Who knows, maybe next year you'll|take me to Hawaii for our anniversary.

-Stop torturing yourself.|-l don't have to torture myself.

l got a lot of help.

Dogs and flushing toilets.

The Red Baron's two sisters in there.

-What time would you like breakfast?|-Will you stop it?

lt's no problem. l mean l'm up...

...l've got eggs, and l steal|the milk from the people next door.

And if l'm real quick,|l can get The New York Times too.

We'll talk when you're in a better mood.

l'm just trying to contribute, Edna.

Just trying to do my share. l don't know.

This is Charles Tracker|and the 8 a.m. news.

''We won't go back to work''|was the cry...

...of 47 state and federal judges|today...

...defying the court order|of Judge Ackerman.

Speaking for the striking judges, Judge|Precona told this to Bethesda Wayne:

''We will not go back to work and|we ain't working until this gets settled. ''

l'll get some coffee down at the office.

-l'll try to be home early.|-Don't work too hard, dear.

Leave me some quarters for the Laundromat.|l've got so much wash to do today.

Please, let's not start|the day out like this.

Here's something interesting.|''Maurice Le Pew in Queens.''

He wants a hairstylist.|Maybe l'll practice on you tonight...

...and if you don't go bald,|l'll give him a call tomorrow.

-You know what l'd suggest?|-What would you suggest, Edna?

l suggest you get a tight grip on|yourself or find somebody to help you.

l don't need any help.|l'm retired. l got it made.

You know what l mean.

Medical help. A doctor.

Someone who can straighten you out...

...because l'm running out|of energy and patience.

You have enough for Mr. Cooperman!

And what does that mean?

What does that mean?

lt just means you seem to have enough|patience and energy for Mr. Cooperman.

Lots of laughs down|at the office, right?

Listen, l know what goes on down there.|l used to be one of the boys too.

Oh, yeah?|Well, l am not one of the girls.

How come you get home|at 7 or 8:00...

...when everybody knows|that no one works past 5 anymore?

-l work past 5--|-Where, at Charley O's bar?

l understand. Just a little drink to unwind|before coming home to face the little man.

-l don't believe this.|-You used to when l came home at 7.

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