The Prisoner of Second Avenue Page #6

Mel, l think we better have|a long talk tonight...

...a long, serious talk.

My begonias are coming up beautifully.

Well, that's because Daddy's here|to take such nice care of them.

Gently, gently.

Gently, gently.

Very gently.

-Help you, Mr. Edison?|-Don't touch it.

Come here.

Here, here.

-You know the guy in 1 5B?|-1 5B?

-1 5B. The floor right above me.|-Above you? Mr. Jacoby.

Jacoby!

-What time does he get home from work?|-About 6:00.

About or exactly?

-Usually about 6.|-About 6.

-Why?|-Nothing, nothing. lt's perfect, perfect.

-Want me to give a message?|-No, l'll give him the message.

l got my own message.

Look, l'm very tired. Would you mind|trying your perversions on someone else?

-What's funny?|-Nothing. Nothing's funny.

Then why are you laughing?

Private joke.

You're not gonna tell me, Mel?

-l could use a good laugh.|-When the time comes.

When the time comes.

-Mel, you're staring at me.|-Well, l'm sorry.

-What is it?|-Am l allowed to turn back now?

-Yes, you may turn back now.|-What was your question, Edna?

lt's the same as every night, every meal,|every time we're together.

-What's wrong?|-Do you feel something is wrong?

Yes. l think you're miserable and tormented|because you're out of work.

-Now, that's it, isn't it?|-Only part...

...Edna, only part of it. Now, you tell me,|why do you think l'm out of work?

l don't know why.

-Because you can't find a decent job.|-That's why? That's why?

You haven't the slightest inkling|of what's really going on, do you?

You are so naive, it's ridiculous.

-Mel, what are you talking about?|-You have no suspicion of the truth.

-What truth are you talking about?|-l'm talking about the plot, Edna, the plot.

-What plot, Mel?|-''What plot, Mel?''

What plot? l'm talking about the plot,|and all you can say is, ''What plot, Mel?''

You say there's a plot.|l don't know what you mean.

-So all l can say is, ''What plot, Mel?''|-''What plot, Mel?'' There. Jesus.

What plot? What plot?

A social, economic and political plot|to undermine the working classes...

...of this country.

Oh, that plot.

Yes, that plot.

You know, instead of rushing downtown|every morning, stay home.

Listen to the radio,|find out what's going on.

Listen to the talk shows, you'll find|out what's going on.

-Well, what's going on in this country?|-lf you don't know, l'm not gonna tell you.

Mel, l'm your wife. You can tell me.

lf you're too lazy, ignorant|and uninformed...

...to find out what is going on...

...then you deserve exactly what|you're gonna get. All of you.

Mel, would you like some|caramel custard?

Come here.

Now, l'm gonna tell you something,|and it may frighten you.

Sit down.

Not here! ln there.

Away from the wall.

There is a plot going on|in this country.

Very complicated, very sophisticated!|lt's practically invisible!

And maybe only a handful of people|in this whole country know about it.

-And they told it on the radio?|-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-Then everyone heard it.|-Well, did you hear it?

-No.|-Then maybe everybody didn't.

Who's listening to a radio at 1 0:00 in|the morning? They're all working. l heard it.

And as sure as you are sitting here|in this room...

...there is a plot going on|in this country today.

-Against whom?|-Against me!

-The whole country?|-Well, not against me personally.

But they're after you, our kids,|my family, every one of our friends.

They're after the cops, hippies,|the government, women's lib...

...the blacks, the fag, the whole|military complex and even more.

Who? You mentioned everybody,|there's no one left.

Oh, baby, there's someone left,|all right.

Would you like me to give you actual|indisputable proof...

...that 6.7% of the working class|of this country is unemployed...

...and not because of a recession|or wages and high prices...

...but because of a well-organized,|calculated, brilliantly-conceived plot?

Would you like me to give you proof|right here and now?

-Okay.|-l can't give you any proof!

What the hell proof have l got? l can't|work. That's my proof! They won't let me!

Mel, who's behind the plot?

ls it the kids? The addicts?|The Army? The Navy?

-The book-of-the-month club? Who?|-lt is the human race!

The deterioration of the spirit of man.

Man undermining himself,|causing a self-willed, self-imposed...

...self-evident self-destruction.|That's who it is.

-The human race, Mel?|-Yes.

The human race is responsible|for the unemployment?

You're surprised, aren't you?

l never would have guessed.

All the time, l kept thinking|it was somebody else.

Don't mock me.|Damn it! Don't do that to me!

Don't patronize me|and don't mock me!

-l wasn't mocking you.|-You don't understand the first thing...

...l'm talking about. You don't know|what it is to be in my place...

...to stand in an unemployment line.

You've never walked into your building and|had an idiot doorman with beer breath...

...giggling at you|because he's working.

You've never stood on your terrace and|been hit in the head with a bucket of water.

And l haven't forgotten that son of a b*tch!|l haven't forgotten you!

-You son of a b*tch!|-Mel.

-Mel, listen to me--|-He thinks l don't know what he looks like.

-l know what he looks like.|-l want you to see a doctor right away.

Hell, l know what they all look like!|Got their faces engraved in my brain.

Someone gave me the name|of a doctor.

He knows about people who are going|through exactly what you're going through.

-l'm gonna call.|-They can take your clothes...

...your Chivas Regal, your television,|your job, but they can't take your brains.

And that's my secret weapon,|my brains.

And the snow! The snow.|God, l pray that it snows tomorrow.

l bought a snow shovel, Edna.|Wait!

l'm gonna take the day off|and take you myself.

-Hello, this is Mrs. Edna--|-And not a little snow shovel.

One of those great big shovels!|You know, the kind they use at airports.

Oh, l'll go without my shoes this winter,|but l'm not going without my shovel!

l'll bury him so deep,|they'll have to salt him out.

He gets home at 6:00. l checked|with the doorman. l gave him a $5 tip.

l know what time you get home,|you mother!

-Hey! Try using the service entrance!|-lt's very important.

-l got that blocked off too.|-Please, please, right away. Yes.

Have you any idea, any conception|of the impact...

...of two pounds of wet, solid, packed snow|falling from 1 4 floors?

They'll find him in the basement.|ln the garage, bastard!

And l know what you look like!

Yes. Well, it's very difficult|to talk about on the phone.

No, it isn't for me.|lt's for my....

lf it doesn't snow this winter,|l wait till next.

My husband.

Because l'm in no hurry, smart-ass!

-No, no.|-Nothing but time.

No! No, not Wednesday! This is|an emergency! Didn't you hear that guy?

This is the news with Dan Roland.|In a midtown hotel today...

...following a convention|of the National Psychiatric Society...

... 1 7 of the leading psychiatrists|in the United States were trapped...

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