The Relationtrip Page #5

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my old childhood friend.

I'm glad your friend

was there for you.

Mm, yeah. [chuckles]

Only this time,

out make-believe involved

some, like, heavy drinking

and drugs.

Stop!

Okay.

Beck, when do we get to

the part where you're the...

smart, beautiful, funny,

amazing Beck in the hammock

with the handsome gentleman?

God. Well...

After I failed out

of school...

Stop.

I started slowly crawling out of

this hole I had dug for myself.

I got a job

at the coffee shop,

and I met Franklin.

We hit it off, so...

Than I guess,

then I became the...

Smart...

Pretty... whatever you just

said, laying in the hammock

with a very

handsome gentleman.

I've never

been so happy

to be a handsome gentleman

in a hammock.

Mm.

[gentle music]

- I love you.

- I love you.

Ooh hoo!

My gosh.

Did you do this?

Now... are you...

ready...

for this?

Uh-oh.

I said, girl,

you think you can handle...

Uh-oh.

What is that?

That, can you handle that?

Peek-a-boo.

Are you...

ready for this? Hmm?

With one layer down,

a little bit now.

[laughs] Oh, God.

- Hmm?

- Uh-huh.

'Cause this right here...

This one is for you.

Oh! They say...

leave them wanting more,

you know. But...

You know what I say?

You give them more.

Oh!

I'm gonna hit you

with the MJ. Ah!

Ooh! Whoa!

- Oh! Oh, my God!

- Ah!

- Ah!

- No!

Wow.

Gotcha.

Uh-huh.

Is there a problem?

Um... [laughs awkwardly]

No.

Ow! Okay, I'm sorry.

[laughs nervously] Um...

What's going on here?

What? What are you

talking about?

Well, what is this?

Oh.

- The suit?

- Yeah.

The suit stays on.

Like... the whole time?

All the time.

Why?

So no one ever sees me naked.

- No one?

- No one.

- What about you?

- What about me?

Well, I mean, do you?

No. Obviously. I said no one.

Okay, so...

Never take the suit off?

Correct.

Even in the shower?

No. Because

it's a bathing suit.

Oh.

Yeah, okay. No, I guess

that makes sense.

Well, do you wash it?

Do I wash it?

Of course I wash it.

What do you think I am,

a crazy person?

When?

When I'm in the shower.

Right. Yeah, okay.

Huh.

And occasionally, I close my

eyes and Febreze the inside.

Huh.

- Yeah, f*** it. Okay.

- Okay.

[Beck] Oh, sh*t.

[both giggle]

[coyote howling]

I love you.

I love you, too, Eden.

What?

Did I just say "Eden"?

Mm-hmm.

Oh! I'm so sorry.

Who's Eden?

She was my last girlfriend.

Mm-hmm.

Of seven years.

Oh, wow.

And I...

kind of haven't been with

anyone since, so...

It's fine.

I am so sorry.

It's fine. Just...

I don't know.

What can you do?

So... What happened?

Uh, with what?

With Eden?

Right. Well, um...

She's dead.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's okay.

It's okay. I kind of don't wanna

talk about it, if that's okay.

Yeah.

I... Yeah.

Right.

Sandwiches?

[dramatic instrumental music]

Wow!

I don't wanna creep

you out or anything,

but I saw that whole

show in there,

and ouch!

Whoo! Eden?

I mean, let's be honest.

She sounds like a bombshell.

You know what I mean?

No, no.

She sounds like a stripper.

Oh, no. She sounds like

an angel stripper

with wings,

who only strips for you.

I bet she's got a real

nice rack, too.

Huh? Big, but not too big.

Nice and manageable.

And she's dead! Oh!

I mean, how do you compete

with a dead angel stripper?

Okay. Well, I'm thinking,

you just go back in there

and sink this ship

before he does.

Yeah.

'Cause I mean, let's be real.

How long do you think he's

gonna dig this whole

quirky barista with

body issues thing?

Oh. Oh, and Beck?

You got a little something

on your face.

[laughs]

[Beck sighs]

Oh, come on.

You're really gonna make me eat

both of these sandwiches myself?

Because I will.

Nothing?

Okay.

Whatever.

Mm.

[drumroll]

- [upbeat music playing]

- [people cheering]

[cheering continues]

[audience booing]

[booing continues]

[laughter]

[music fades]

[violin strings screeching]

[video game playing]

Oh. Somebody slept in

this morning.

Hmm.

You've been up

for a while?

Yeah, you were snoring.

- Oh. Of course.

- So...

Pop tart?

Uh... pass.

So, check this out.

I was looking for

a pen this morning...

Mm-hmm.

So I went looking

through the drawers,

and I found a whole box

of bendy straws.

Mm-hmm.

So I was like,

"Okay, now I'm curious."

So I go through

some of the cabinets,

I fond two more boxes.

- Mm. Mm-hmm.

- So then I'm...

Mm-hmm.

Are you even paying attention,

or are you just doing that...

f***ing "mm-hmm" thing

you do?

Like you're pretending

to care?

Oh, good. You're being a dick.

That's nice.

No, I heard your story.

Bendy straws. Very funny.

Is this your whole

day today, or...

I'm working.

[sighs heavily] Okay.

I guess I'll just...

I was gonna do all that.

Mm. If you were gonna do it,

you would have done it, right?

I'm still working on

that guy.

Ooh, it's probably

time to clean up.

[cell phone buzzing]

[dishes clattering]

Mm. Oh!

[exhales]

- [sighs]

- Who's that?

Who's what?

Who texted you?

- No one.

- No one?

Huh.

Well, who's Chippy?

Mm. Looking through my phone.

No, I wasn't looking

through your phone.

Well, browsing around...

Well, I thought it was

my phone, so, you know, I...

Oh. You thought that

this was your phone?

This, with the...

And then the...

Okay, all right.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay, um...

I'm gonna go on a run.

Can you run the dishwasher for me?

I loaded it.

If you loaded it,

why don't you just run it?

'Cause, Liam, I'm not doing

everything around here.

Okay?

Why are you taking

your phone with you?

Do you want me to go

on the run with you?

- [scoffs]

- Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. I'm gonna go on

the run with you.

Okay.

Did you even bring

running shoes?

Do you not want me to

go with you?

I don't care.

Yes, come on the run.

I'm not gonna come if you

don't want me to come.

Because then it becomes

like I...

You know what?

I'm just gonna go then.

- Just gonna go.

- Okay.

All right. Just be safe.

- Don't talk to strangers.

- Mm-hmm.

Look both ways

before you cross, okay?

Thank you, Dad.

I love you. I...

Huh.

Love you. Shouldn't...

[tense music playing]

I love you.

I can run.

I can do runs.

I think I could do it.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Ha-ha. It's like...

[dramatic music playing]

Huh.

Whoo!

[sneezes]

Liam?

Liam, is that you?

Oh, hey.

What the...

Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

Well, you didn't say

"I love you" back.

What?

You didn't say

"I love you."

- Oh.

- When you left.

- So...

- Okay.

Uh... I guess

I didn't hear you.

Oh. Right.

Yeah, okay.

But do you?

Of course I do.

I just kind of wanna

hear you say it, though.

Okay.

I love you.

- [sighs dramatically]

- [chuckles]

Cool. [laughs]

- Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

- I'll see you.

- See you.

[water running]

[doorbell rings]

- [Beck] Is that the doorbell?

- Yes, I'll get it.

It's probably my mom.

What?

What would your mom

be doing here?

Uh, I invited her.

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