The Relationtrip Page #6

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Why the hell would

you do that?

She wanted to come

and meet you.

Oh. Okay.

Well, now is not

the best time.

I mean, I'm in the shower,

and you were supposed to,

like, get ready

and go do something

together.

Okay. So what am I

supposed to do?

Tell her not to come inside?

Get back into her car

and drive all the way home

without meeting you?

I mean, yeah.

[exhales]

Mommy!

[mother] My sweet boy!

How are you?

You look tired.

Are you sleeping enough?

Yes, I'm sleeping enough.

Okay. Here, I brought you

some clean undies.

Oh, okay.

Thanks, Mommy.

You know, Liam, I was googling

this place on the computer,

and I read that there are spiders

and scorpions everywhere.

And if they get you,

your skin falls off.

There were pictures...

[exclaims]

Yeah. No, I haven't seen any.

[mother] Okay.

So, are you going to

invite your mother inside?

Or do you want her to bake

out here in the sun?

Well, actually, Mommy, um...

Beck's in the shower

right now.

[mother]

Oh, she's in the shower.

[gasps] Liam!

Is she naked in there?

Actually, no.

Probably not.

[mother]

Oh, thank God.

Well, we'll just put the kettle

on and wait for her to finish up.

Actually, Mommy,

the thing is...

Beck isn't really feeling

well right now. So...

Liam, she's sick?

[coughs] She could

be contagious.

No, I don't think so.

Oh, no?

Well, you know who else didn't think

I knew what I was talking about?

Yes, I know, Mommy.

I know.

I'm just gonna stay here, okay,

and take care of her.

But I'll make sure I take

plenty of vitamins.

Oh, you are such

a sweet prince.

How did you get to

be so sweet?

Oh...

My sweet mommy, probably.

I love you my sweet

little peanut boy.

Okay, I love you, too.

- Okay, sweetie.

- Okay.

- Mommy loves you.

- I love you.

- Sweetheart. [kissing]

- Okay.

- I love you.

- Bye, Bye.

I love you. Bye bye.

[sighs]

Okay, let's hear it.

Hear what?

What do you have

against my mother?

What? I don't even

know your mother.

And whose fault is that?

Okay. I just think it's

a little bit weird

that you'd invite her

here today.

- What?

- I mean, I thought we were gonna, I don't know...

hang out together

like we used to.

Not just sit around all day while

you play your stupid Nintendo

and hang out with

your mom.

Okay, first off, you know damn

well that is not a Nintendo.

Okay? And secondly, I'm a

little offended that you...

I'm sorry, I can't understand

what you're saying right now,

because you're gnawing off your

fingers like a f***ing psychopath.

You said you thought

that was cool.

Okay. I used to think

jean shorts were cool.

Real nice, Beck.

Real nice.

Can you help me

take this thing off?

Why do you wanna

take it off?

Because it's itchy, and

it's way too tight, and...

I just need

to take it off.

Well, you can't.

What?

Why not?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Liam.

What is this thing?

It's a tracking device.

What did you think it was?

What?

Yeah. How else am I supposed to

know where you are at all times?

Liam, that is insane!

That's, like, beyond insane.

Wait, hold on.

Don't... Okay.

I need to know you're

safe at all times.

Ow! You just made it tighter!

Beck, I'm sorry, okay?

But I can't lose you too.

[slow clap]

Oh! What the f***

is that?

Nice performance there,

douchebag.

Relax. He's just

a friend of mine.

That's right.

Relax, Liam.

Relax, man!

Let me get up to speed here.

So, uh...

For some reason,

Mr. Clingy with the dead

stripper girlfriend here

is totally hooked on

the Beck sauce. Ow!

And he's upset because you

don't wanna meet his mommy

and wear a tracking

bracelet, right?

Am I right?

Yeah. Well, honestly,

I'm surprised the guy's so jazzed up

on you, considering all your weird,

albeit justified body issues.

Okay, I'm sorry. Who is

this mean little monster?

Oh, who's this mean...

You know, I got your mean

little monster right here.

Oh, gross, man.

Come on!

Just cut it out, guys.

Beck, can I please

see you in the fort?

Alone?

Oh, well, hello.

Hey, Liam.

What the hell's going on?

Beck, I think this will

be really good for us.

Thank you, Liam.

Beck, Liam wishes to unburden

himself of his feelings.

Oh, he does?

This is a safe space.

Why don't you sit down?

I'm sure there's a thing

or two you'd like to say

as well?

I'll sit down.

Liam, you, too.

[Beck sighs]

What's on your mind, Liam?

Well, first,

Dr. Lipschweiss,

let me just say thank you

so much for taking time

out of your very busy schedule

to meet with us.

We really appreciate it.

I recently had

the displeasure

of meeting one of

Beck's friends.

And I have to say that

I am a little uncomfortable

with the nature of

their relationship.

We're doing this?

Okay, we're doing this.

Hi, Dr. Lipschweiss.

Hi.

I think Liam needs

to calm down.

Chippy is just a friend.

And Liam here is acting

like a crazy person.

[Liam] Chippy?

That's the guy that

texted you earlier?

Why is this guy texting you

and then showing up uninvited?

Dr. Lipschweiss, why is

this guy texting her

and then showing up uninvited?

Because, Liam, he's one of

my oldest friends in the world.

That's just his thing.

It's what he does.

He's your oldest

friend in the world?

Is this the same friend that got

you all f***ed up in college?

Liam!

Language!

This is a safe space.

Sorry, Dr. Lipschweiss.

Look, I was in

a dark place back then.

Okay?

I am just as much to blame

for that as Chippy.

[sighs] He may seem

a little bit, you know,

rough around the edges,

but honestly,

at least he tells me

the truth.

Okay.

Well, I don't want you

seeing him anymore.

Excuse me?

[Liam] You heard me.

You can't tell me who I

can be friends with.

Really? 'Cause I'm

pretty sure I just did.

Wow. So this is one of those,

like, "It's him or me" things?

Yeah.

Pretty much.

I feel like the choice

should be pretty obvious.

I mean, that guy is

an a**hole.

And he's the reason you messed

up your whole f***ing life.

Liam!

Safe space.

Sorry, again.

- Wow.

- [Chippy humming]

Oh. Okay.

Sorry, didn't know you guys

were mid-sess.

Man, it looks like you're really

working through some things here.

So?

I'm gonna go on a beer run.

Beck, I know what you like.

Liam, I'll see if they make

wine coolers for you, sport.

Cool, cool, cool. Thanks, man.

I appreciate that.

Yeah? How about you, toots?

No, thank you, um...

sweetheart.

Well, okay.

[humming]

[footsteps walking away]

[clock ticking]

You know what I think?

I think our time is up.

[whooshes]

I think we made some

good progress here today.

I have a proposal to make you.

Okay, sure.

You trust me?

Yes, Dr. Lipschweiss,

we trust you.

We'll try anything.

Well, that's good.

Liam, I think you

should move out.

- What?

- Sounds good.

Some time apart

will be good for you both.

Mm-hmm. Agreed.

Okay. Well, guess that's it.

[clears throat]

You heard her.

That settles it.

Thank you, Dr...

The session is not over.

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