The Rewrite Page #10

- It is fresh. It is different.

- It's just a fresh voice.

It's a fresh voice.

And if we can get a Fanning sister...

- Do they have a young sister?

- Excuse me. Can I get the butter?

It started a few years ago now,

already, I think.

- Nice.

- Almost three years ago. Yeah.

So I was watching the History Channel

and there's a special

on the history of the world,

or modern civilisation...

And I was watching it

and I just found it so interesting

how, you know, the natural progression

of things, and how everything just seemed

to link perfectly together.

Because we like this story,

we like the protagonist.

A female protagonist?

It's exactly what

we've both been looking...

- It's exactly what we need.

- It's what the world needs.

Edgy comedies with

a kick-ass-type woman.

- Huge, huge fans.

- We love Keith.

Or into time, sure. Other time periods.

- Huge, huge fans.

- Technology.

It's really incredible...

Sorry, guys, excuse me.

Can I have a quick moment with Clem?

- Little story conference?

- Kind of, yeah. Come on. Come here.

- Excuse me.

- Sure.

You're doing brilliantly.

So brilliantly that I am going to leave you

to finish the meeting on your own.

What? No, my Imodium

hasn't even completely kicked in.

Listen to me. You've probably

missed the last plane.

So I'm gonna give you money for the bus.

No, no, I'm staying

with my parents in the city.

- OK, that's fine...

- Mr Michaels,

I can't go back in there without you.

Clem, listen to me.

Do not grow a tumour.

They are going to make your movie,

and you'll be feted and rich,

and surrounded by women.

Can you handle that?

I don't want to be feted.

And the money would be fine.

- But the only woman I really want is Rosa.

- Rosa from our class?

Really? Good choice. She's gorgeous.

Not of course that I notice

women of that age.

- Mr Michaels, I don't feel comfortable.

- OK, listen to me.

A thousand years ago

I was in your position. And you know,

just enjoy it. It's glorious fun.

And remember, they need you

more than you need them.

This is your ride. It's not mine, OK?

- Hey, he's back.

- Hey. Thanks.

- Sans glasses.

- Yeah.

You look mighty handsome.

Thank you.

So this is what we're

thinking about, we're discussing this...

We don't want to get ahead of ourselves,

but, franchise.

Yeah. We're really excited about it.

There's actually so much that we can do...

- Hi.

- Keith.

I'm so sorry to bother you

this late. I just...

- I did try to call, but there was no answer.

- That's OK.

Just sitting around with the family,

watching Eat Pray Love.

I'll be right back. Go on without me.

You sure, honey?

Yeah. You can tell me what I missed.

OK.

Listen, I did not expect

to see you again.

No, well, I have decided to take my chances

at the hearing, if it's not too late.

Really?

May I ask why?

Yes. I'm not quite sure.

Well, I'm glad

you've thought it through.

And I was wondering if you could get me

a meeting with Professor Weldon,

cos I'd rather not just

show up at her door.

- No, I think that would be dangerous.

- Yeah.

Sure. I can arrange that.

Thank you. Thank you.

And I wanted to say

I'm sorry for what happened

and for putting you

in an awkward position.

Honey, you've got to see this.

OK, just keep talking

and do not make me go back in there.

Well, they obviously want to share

the experience with you, you know.

It must be wonderful

to have a family like that.

It's a pain.

Every week, movie night.

Yeah.

- Always a chick flick.

- Yeah.

And my daughters usually

bake these sugar cookies.

Oh, yeah.

- Which they will not let me have...

- Yeah.

Because...

They're concerned about my, cholesterol.

So they give me,

non-fat popcorn.

That's great.

I was not formally aware that these

relationships were prohibited.

I did almost immediately break it off

and I deeply regret the entire incident.

You arrived on campus,

became inebriated,

insulted members of the faculty.

You dismissed your class with the intention

of not having them return for a month.

And that class bears a suspicious

resemblance to a beauty pageant.

Not the men.

Which leads me to wonder if they weren't

assembled for your own viewing pleasure

evidenced by the fact that you carried on an

inappropriate relationship with one of them.

And even if you were not aware

of our policy on that matter,

it strains credulity that you didn't have

the good sense to know that it was wrong.

So unless my information is faulty, this

Ethics Hearing is a foregone conclusion.

Professor Weldon,

you're entirely correct.

I behaved unprofessionally

and I can present no good reason

why you should extend me

the privilege of staying here.

Except to say, that when I was

at the Binghamton Airport yesterday...

I was pulled aside by a

charming geriatric TSA officer

who needed to inspect my award.

And she started telling me that her security

post was the perfect setting for a movie,

but she couldn't write because, as she put it,

"Either you're born with it or you're not".

You see, a few months ago,

I would have agreed with that.

But suddenly, I found myself

explaining the three-act structure

and the basics of outlining until she had

to go and pat down a suspicious man

who kept readjusting his shorts.

And I realised I was

trying to teach her.

Me, the person who did

nothing but mock teaching

as an absurd profession

practised only by desperate failures.

I mean, obviously not

at the university level.

But it has, as a new friend

told me it might...

Got its hooks into me.

So, I ask for your leniency,

because I think that,

you know, with a little effort,

I could possibly be quite good at this job

and actually worthy of your esteem.

And because these kids

have actually reminded me

why I wanted to write

in the first place.

But, mostly, because I can't bear

the thought of anyone else

getting to help my class

with their third acts.

Mr Michaels, I am not popular.

My students don't like me.

And it is because

they assume I am an Elinor.

An Elinor?

From Sense and Sensibility.

Oh, yes, yes. That Elinor. Yes.

Prudent, cautious, conservative.

And I do have that side of me.

But there's another side as well.

Well, that's nice. It's always nice

when people have so many sides.

It's like a Rubik's Cube.

I have a Marianne side.

- Unpredictable, impetuous...

- Yes.

...irrational sometimes.

You have appealed to that side and I will

indulge it this one last time, because...

As Miss Austen said...

"Selfishness must always be forgiven, you

know, because there is no hope for a cure."

Did she say that? That's quite clever.

Mansfield Park.

The key to good teaching, Mr Michaels

is the willingness

to always learn something new.

I will remember that.

I want you to see something.

Open it.

- Screenplay?

- Don't be idiotic. A memoir.

Based on my experience

of a lifetime teaching literature.

I'd like an unbiased honest appraisal.

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