The Rewrite Page #3

you should all be done in about a month.

Let's meet again then.

Great. Looking forward to it.

Hey. That's the way all classes

should be. Five minutes.

I had no intention of going that long,

I am so sorry.

- So maybe later, do you want to catch up...

- Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute?

Holly.

Oh, yes. I work at the Campus Bookstore.

So, Holly, this is Karen.

- Yeah, we've taken some classes together.

- Hi.

So you didn't accept my screenplay

but I was wondering if you could give me

some constructive criticism.

I thought that

I could come during office hours.

Yes. Yes.

- I'll see you later, Mr Michaels.

- Oh, Karen.

Hi. I'm still here.

Yes. Yes, you are.

Well the thing is, Holly...

I'm not entirely sure that I have anything

very helpful to say regarding your screenplay.

- Oh. That bad?

- No, not at all.

It's just that I don't really believe

that writing can be taught.

Oh, interesting position

for a creative writing teacher to take.

But true. You know,

you can't teach talent.

I think most people have talent,

they just haven't been exposed

to the right teachers.

I beg to differ.

You can get me the best music teacher

in the world

and I still wouldn't be able to

write songs like Paul McCartney.

How do you know? Have you tried?

No.

- Do you want to write songs?

- Not at all.

What are we talking about?

About the fact that the most idiotic

thing that anyone has ever said

is that if you just put your mind to it

and believe in yourself,

there is nothing you can't accomplish.

I say that! Does that make me an idiot?

No, no, not you. Other people.

How can I make my script better?

Right, well, it could be more...

Organised.

"More organised" how?

- Structurally.

- Structurally.

Yep.

Yeah. Structurally.

Did you like that part

where she looks in the mirror

and she sees herself as an old woman?

Honestly, I found that

a little heavy-handed.

So did I. Which is why I didn't write it.

You didn't read my screenplay, did you?

No. But I didn't read anyone's screenplay,

don't take it personally.

It's entirely personal.

I worked on it and

I would like to tell this story.

OK. You're in the class.

No. I want you to read my script

and tell me if I have any potential.

All right. I will read your screenplay.

Thanks. I think.

I'll let you eat in peace.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

It's a bit late for that.

Keith.

Dr Lerner.

Interesting wine

and cheese party last night.

I am so sorry.

Honestly, I was nervous meeting everyone

and you combine that

with the free-flowing wine

and it is just a recipe

for Austen-bashing.

Mary's a pretty powerful presence

around here, you know?

She's tenured, she's published.

She's also head of the Ethics Committee

which means

she can make your life miserable.

Even get you fired.

She wants me fired? Already?

She's not happy.

She did use words in her email

to me like "harassment".

That's a very bad word.

Yes, it is indeed. Here, walk with me.

Listen, I know you're a big Hollywood guy,

obviously you don't need this job.

Well, I wouldn't want to

let the students down, you know.

Well, then I'm afraid you're going

to have to kiss her svelte ass.

That sounds difficult.

I couldn't do it.

And I was in Desert Storm.

Should I bring her a gift

of appeasement, you know?

What does she like?

Jane Austen.

And the award for Best

Original Screenplay goes to...

Keith Michaels for Paradise Misplaced.

This is...

Well, it's tragic

how much I'm enjoying getting this.

And it's with tremendous ill-grace,

that I grudgingly acknowledge

the contribution of a few other people.

Our brilliant director, Niles Kelling,

my very loud agent, Ellen Klein.

My beautiful wife, Tina,

who, frankly, could do much better.

And our son, Alex,

who I can honestly say

is the only thing

I've ever had a hand in producing

not desperately in need of a rewrite.

So, cheers, Alex, and go to bed.

Thank you.

I'm not interested in your feelings

about Persuasion, Miss Stein-Rosen,

or anything else for that matter.

I am interested in a

well-thought out analysis

corroborated with evidence from the text

and only the text. Not Wikipedia.

That's what I thought I was doing.

What you thought

you were doing is irrelevant.

What you have done or in this case,

not done, is what counts.

Can I do some kind of extra credit?

Like Habitat for Humanity?

Who is it?

Hello. Am I interrupting?

I'm having office hours, Mr Michaels.

Oh, OK.

Hi, Mr Michaels.

I'm in your screenwriting class.

Andrea Stein-Rosen.

Oh, yes, yes. Andrea.

Great Neck High School.

Likes Adele and Pinkberry.

Yeah.

I can come back.

Oh, no, I think we're done.

Right? Are we done?

Ten minutes ago.

Nice to see you.

Good morning.

It could be said that we got off to a

poor start at the wine and cheese event.

"We" did?

I did. I did.

Bit too much wine,

not quite enough cheese.

Which is why I brought these

few small peace offerings.

These are DVDs of every

Jane Austen novel

including my favourite,

Clueless with Alicia Silverstone.

What is Clueless?

Oh, I think you'll like it.

It's based on Emma.

Bit hit. Spun off into

a mildly successful series.

Also, a gift certificate from Amazon

covering all the following items.

My personal favourite is

the "What Would Jane Do?" tote bag.

Mr Michaels...

Thank you.

This is the finest public university

in the Northeast.

Yes. I understand.

We expect a degree of professionalism

even from a non-professional.

Yes, of course.

Which means that you

behave at faculty events.

You read the material

that has been submitted to you.

You do not dismiss your

class for a month.

- Oh.

- Yes, I heard about that.

But I want to be fair,

and act without pride or prejudice,

if you'll forgive the reference...

No, I very much enjoyed it. It was good.

So I'll give you one more opportunity

to conduct yourself like a teacher.

Absolutely. I will watch

Dead Poets Society to prepare.

It's a film. It's about teaching...

I'll get to it right after... Clueless.

- Clueless? Great.

- Yes.

Good afternoon.

- Oh, Mr Michaels.

- Please, call me Keith.

Sorry, my youngest was

throwing up all night.

Oh, had she been drinking?

She's nine. But maybe,

I'm a really permissive mother.

How can I help you?

Well, by thanking me

for reading your script.

- Really?

- You want to test me?

It is called Local Girl,

and it is about a perky

Binghamton lass called Peggy,

who dreams big dreams about being a dancer

and is attracted to the wrong boys

and her father is a police officer

and her mother is a beautician

and opera singer.

Wow, you really did read it.

So, what did you think?

I think that

your characters are quite interesting,

but that it's a little

randomly structured.

Anyway, I have sent an email telling

everyone that we have class today

and I would like you to attend.

Great.

Congratulations.

I just have a question.

I would expect no less.

If you don't believe writing can be taught,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes