The Rewrite Page #5

This is what I'm talking about.

Late Bloomers.

Looks like one of those Victorian plays

where many people say, "arse".

Well, it is about people who find

their true talents later in life.

Sylvester Stallone,

he was a deli counter attendant.

Rodney Dangerfield gave up selling

aluminium siding to go on to become

- one of the most famous comedians ever.

- Yeah?

Alan Rickman, a fellow countryman,

didn't get a movie role until he was 48.

- Wow.

- Susan Boyle was 46.

Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't write Little

House on the Prairie until she was 65.

Incredible. And look at that.

Jesus didn't give up carpentry

until he was 30.

Yeah, and now he's,

like, a top guy in his field.

The thing is, you see, I would argue late

bloomers may have had talent all along.

It was just unrecognised.

There's a difference.

I disagree. I think

it's just about focusing.

Right.

I wish you'd focused on my umbrella.

Oh, it's a good thing

I don't work on commission.

Hat?

Yes, all right.

Yeah, come in.

Clem, hello.

- Are you all right?

- I noticed this discolouration on my arm.

I thought it was the flesh-eating virus, but

the infirmary says it's just a dry patch.

Well, better luck next time.

But the good news is,

I have now finished

your completed script, and...

It's brilliant.

- Wow, really?

- Yeah.

It's unbelievable. It's annoying, actually.

Have you always written?

Pretty much. Especially in high school.

It gave me something to do

in between getting beaten up.

Yeah well, most good writers spend

a lot of their time getting beaten up.

And I'll tell you something wonderful

about Hollywood.

Nerds can rule.

Not that you're a nerd, I mean...

Are you kidding? I aspire to nerd.

OK, so, what I'd like to do

is just give you my few, inane notes

which if you've seen my last few movies,

you will know to ignore

and then, I'd like to

show this to my agent.

Are you kidding? Thank you.

I don't have a Kleenex, but I have this.

It's as good as.

Let's ask the Rabbi what he thinks.

Suddenly, they see Rabbi Stein

eat some food.

Alicia says,

"Oh, no, he's allergic to nuts!"

And the Rabbi grabs for his heart.

End of Act 1.

It's completely contrived.

Your lead character resembles no one

who's ever walked the planet.

She's based on me.

Maybe you need a villain.

He could wear a mask that covers his face.

You could hear his breathing.

I thought it had some

really nice touches.

Me too. I really enjoyed it.

Very quick read.

You start with two pages

describing clouds.

If it was a movie about

a meteorologist, fine,

but it's a story about

a Bat Mitzvah gone wrong.

Ok, Andrea, good.

Let me just ask you

this question. Sit down.

Why did you write this?

- What do you mean?

- Well,

what was the thing that made you

want to write this story?

- I don't know.

- OK.

Your favourite film, Dirty Dancing,

what's that about?

A girl who learns to dance

and falls in love.

Yes. But isn't it about more than that?

Isn't it about a girl named Baby

who discovers that she is in fact

becoming a woman?

Isn't it about lost innocence?

Yes, I guess so.

See, the thing is,

writing a movie is so hard,

it's like jumping into the sea.

And you need a life raft.

And that raft is the impulse

behind the movie.

It's the thing that made you want to

write the story in the first place.

You've got to figure that out

and then cling on for dear life.

So why did you write Paradise Misplaced?

- We don't want to talk about my stuff.

- Yeah, why did you tell that story,

- Mr Michaels?

- How did you come up with that?

- Yeah, what was your life raft?

- Did you have a near-death experience?

Well, it was a...

I used to tell my son stories at night.

You have a son?

Yeah, yeah, Alex.

He's 18 now

and he is a freshman

at Stanford University.

Wow. So, he's really smart.

Well, his mother was quite clever.

Smart enough to divorce me anyway.

But, while we were still together,

my dad died and...

Suddenly Alex, at age five,

became frightened of the dark

and obsessed with death.

So I invented a story

about heaven to comfort him.

He didn't really buy it, you know?

He had so many brilliant

and detailed questions

that I had to refine

my answers every night.

That turned into the story of two angels

who botch a mission to take a soul

to heaven and have to go

to hell to get her back.

Paradise Misplaced.

Yeah, yeah.

It was a fairy tale, you know,

designed to make a five-year-old

boy go to sleep.

And that's the thing, you know.

Just having that idea,

however big or small,

is an enormous help

when you're drifting to sea somewhere

in the middle of your second act.

I mean, let's say, for instance,

that I was going to write a sequel

to Paradise Misplaced.

Are you going to do that?

I ask the question purely academically,

but you know,

what could be the spine to that story?

Well, I always thought Paradise Misplaced

was about second chances

and how it's never too late to redeem

yourself and to start over again.

Interesting, Miss Carpenter,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry, I just had

an unrelated thought.

- Yeah, Billy?

- Maybe instead of going to Hell this time,

they go into space.

OK, yeah. I think I see

where you're going with that one.

It needs a love story.

It should be in 3-D.

One of the angels

from the original movie

could have been captured

and brought down to Hell

so two younger angels

have to try and get him back.

Jonah Hill. And Channing Tatum.

We know that works.

Good, good, good, good.

Yes. Well, I hope you're

learning something here.

Hey. Hey!

That was an incredible story

you told about your son today.

Yeah. I shouldn't have really

gotten caught up in all that.

No, it was really moving.

I was just surprised

you hadn't mentioned it before.

Hey, let's go someplace and talk.

Really talk.

There's this restaurant called Number 5.

You know, that would be lovely,

but I had not realised

that there's this school policy.

Discouraging teachers and students

from having "romantic and

extracurricular relationships".

- Yeah, exactly.

- But it happens all the time.

I've had relationships with three of

my professors and teaching assistants.

Wow. Three.

And I just think trying to tell adults

what they can or can't do

with their personal lives is ridiculous.

I agree with that, but in our case,

one of us is so much more adult

than the other.

I don't mean emotionally,

because obviously that would be you...

Age is just a number.

I care about who a person is.

And you're an amazing man.

- Well, fair enough...

- Listen to me.

Do you know Steven Spielberg?

Know him? No, not really. We've met.

If you bumped into him in the street,

would he recognise you?

Well, if I bumped into him really hard

and, you know, reintroduced myself

when he was lying on the sidewalk,

I suppose.

What about George Clooney?

We had a lunch.

I pitched him something he really hated.

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