The Rewrite Page #8

But Jack, or should I say Jerry...

You haven't spoken

to your son in a year?

Well it's not a big deal, it's just

that after his mother remarried,

we sort of saw less and less

of each other, so...

Cos when you spoke about him in class,

your whole face lit up.

Yeah, well, I was very fond of him.

And now you're not?

There is no adulation

like Hollywood adulation, you know?

People that you have only seen in magazines

tell you that they love you

and they want to be your friend.

And it's magical.

Until your next film is not as good

and the one after that even less so.

And suddenly,

your confidence is shattered

and your wife leaves you for the man

who directed your one hit.

The guy who directed Paradise Misplaced?

- Niles Kelling.

- Oh, God.

He's big. Hit after hit.

Yeah, thank you very much.

And, as I was drinking a bit too much

and dating actresses

young enough to believe

that a writer could get them a job,

I sort of stopped calling Alex.

Because you think he feels about you

the way you feel about you?

Yup, yup, yup.

And really, why wouldn't he?

You know, cos he's with his mother

and stepfather

flying to Hawaii on a private jet

while Dad is being rejected

for a rewrite of Piranha 3D.

And is not being a great dad anyway.

"As long as you're alive,

you can forgive and be forgiven.

"Once you're dead,

it gets significantly harder."

That's from Paradise Misplaced.

My favourite movie.

One of them anyway. Top five.

Definitely top 10.

I'm very worried about your taste.

Top 20.

Call your son.

Really?

Really.

Is it so bad, where you're from?

I thought so, Pop.

I've been living at a dead run

and I was tired.

And one day I knew

I had to come back here.

Had to come back

and get on the merry-go-round

and eat cotton candy

and listen to a band concert.

Had to stop and breathe.

Maybe when you go back, Martin,

you'll find that there are merry-go-rounds

and band concerts where you are.

Maybe you haven't been looking

in the right place.

You've been looking behind you, Martin.

Try looking ahead.

Hey, this is Alex.

Leave a message and I'll call you back.

Hello, there.

I'm not sure if you recognise

this voice any more, but...

It's me...

Your father. Wanting to say hi.

Wanting to check up on you,

make sure you're OK.

Wanting to say...

I love you and I miss you...

And, it would be great

if you had the inclination to call me.

I'm on the same number.

That's probably it.

OK. OK. It's your dad.

- Hey, Keith.

- Hey.

Keith, here's why I texted you.

Professor Weldon claims that

based on what she witnessed,

you have been carrying on "an inappropriate

relationship with a female student."

Now, if you just

go away quietly, it'll be fine.

Otherwise, she'll take it to the Ethics

Committee and there will be a hearing.

And would that be a public hearing?

- Behind closed doors.

- Well, thank God for that.

But they usually

wind up on the Internet.

What is wrong with that woman?

Weldon? She's elitist,

lonely, miserable...

And in this case, right.

My oldest daughter is going

off to college this fall.

And if this happened to her,

I'd come after you. And I'd be armed.

I was sort of hoping

you were pro-gun control.

Well, I was a Marine,

so I could kill you with my bare hands.

A sharp blow to the Adam's apple.

Knuckle heart punch. Malaysian choke hold.

I wouldn't, you know,

because I like you.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

But, Keith, you made a mistake here.

Yeah.

Hey, there. Any news on the outline?

It has been a few days.

Listen, Keith.

The studio is planning to do

Paradise Misplaced Two.

But, they want those guys

Furman and Lesser to write it.

Why, what...

Wait, wait, wait. Maybe,

maybe they just want to hire these guys

because they think I'm not interested?

No, no, no. I told them

that you were interested.

But they said they're looking

for a fresh perspective. A new voice...

You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But look, you do have a roof over your head

and you have some money coming in...

And you must be teaching

those kids something

because I love that script you sent me

from that boy in your class.

That's good. You should call him.

You should call him and tell him.

You sure that's OK?

Yeah. I'm glad someone's

career is alive.

Your career is alive.

It's just, you know, dormant right now.

Just hang in. All right?

Yeah. OK. Yeah.

Bye.

Walt Disney?

I actually think he is a genius.

- I agree.

- I love The Little Mermaid.

The music, the songs, the bubbles?

And Prince Eric was totally hot.

Please. Stop.

Why do there have to be

all these distinctions?

Why can't you like 101 Dalmatians

and Reservoir Dogs?

Exactly. Fantastic point, Rosa.

Mr Michaels, do you think you can

mention Disney in the same breath

as Tarantino, Kurosawa or Bergman?

Well, you just did, Sara. So, yes.

- And what's the difference?

- Sorry?

Well, Disney, Kurosawa, they're dead.

I mean, great art didn't save them, did it?

They're gone. They're forgotten.

Does anyone still watch Bambi?

Kurosawa. I think most people

would say that's sushi.

Bergman. I will give you $100 if anyone

here can name three of his movies.

- Wild Strawberries.

- The Seventh Seal, Persona.

Yeah, well. Apart from you two.

You know, it all fades.

It all turns to dust.

It's very hard to know why any of you

would want to do this in the first place,

because you will be rewritten,

discarded, fired, forgotten.

That's if you're lucky enough

to work in the first place.

So don't be under any illusion that this

will bring you immortality. Or happiness.

Perhaps it's better not to even try.

Try not. Do or do not.

There is no "try".

Thank you, Billy. Thank you.

Excellent shirt, by the way.

I think that may be my favourite so far.

So one Scotch, and one...

Hi.

- Hey.

- Hey. You here for dinner?

- No. No, I had a Spiedie earlier.

- Sorry to hear that.

No. I just wanted to tell you something

and I didn't want you to hear it

in front of the whole class.

Weldon knows about Karen.

She's gonna put me in front of

the Ethics Committee, unless I leave.

Whoa.

- What are you going to do?

- I don't think I have a choice.

There'd be a hearing, it would inevitably

go public and everyone in LA would know.

- Not that they care, but then...

- And then your son would find out.

Exactly. Yeah.

Well, do you want to stay?

- The issue is whether I can stay.

- Yes.

- First, you gotta go to Weldon.

- And say what?

I've already bought her every Jane Austen

gift short of a "Hello, Mr Darcy" thong.

You tell her that you did an incredibly

stupid thing. Which it was.

Yes, yes. I think we've already

covered that ground very well.

And then you tell her that you didn't

know that it was against school rules

and that she was over 21,

according to her fake ID.

- Yes, fair point. Yes.

- And then you tell her how sorry you are.

Do you think that's really going to work

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