The Rise & Fall of a White Collar Hooligan Page #5

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That's not how it works, Katie.

Mike, spare me

the "honour among thieves" bullshit.

At some point

you've gotta put yourself above them.

I just hope when you do,

it's not too late.

For you and for us

[Mike] This had been

the longest six months of my life.

Not helped by regular visits

from the same French copper

asking the same questions

over and over every day.

How did you get the cards?

I've told you a million times.

I bought them off a guy in London.

He was white,

medium height, medium build.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You told me.

And you're lying.

And you're not even

doing it inventively.

I'm not lying. His name's John Smith.

Why don't you go and look him up

in a f***ing phone book?

Turns out they didn't wanna keep me in

for the full stretch.

After six months they f***ed me off

back to the London. Result.

You wanna take these things off?

I'm on a f***ing train.

I'm not gonna go anywhere, am I?

Until you leave this train in the UK,

you're still my prisoner and you will

wear those handcuffs, okeydokey?

If you wanna eat, do your best.

If you wanna sh*t, sh*t in your pants.

Otherwise just shut up.

You French.

Such a friendly f***ing nation.

Credit card fraud.

Do a lot of time for that

- Already done my birthday in Paris.

- Who said anything about Paris?

It's the only place

I've committed these crimes.

So unless you've got evidence

to the contrary, you can charge me.

Otherwise I ain't saying another word

until I see a f***ing brief.

[voice-mail bleeps]

[Mike] Eddie, my son,

guess who's back in town.

Yeah, I know, takes more

than a French prison to keep me.

They dropped me off at the local nick,

so do me a favour, come by, pick me up.

F***ing prick! What did we tell you?

Sh*t! You should f***ing know!

I told you not to f***ing steal.

You f***ing did it anyway, huh?

What did you f***ing do that for? Huh?

What did you do it for?

Look at him.

Look at him. The man himself.

Well, well, well, well, well.

- Hello, mate.

- How you doing, mate?

- Good holiday?

- Non.

- Ah. Parlez-vous francais now?

- Un peu.

- Man, it's good to see you, mate.

- Good to see you too, Eddie.

- So, much sex inside?

- Your mum popped in for a conjugal.

- You know how it goes.

- Oh!

I was wondering what you were doing

whilst you missed the FA Cup Final.

F*** you, man. I'm gutted about that.

It kick off?

- Big time. You would have loved it.

- I bet.

Jump in. Somebody wants to say hello.

Oh, by the way, does French cock

taste the same as English?

You'd f***ing know, son.

- How's everyone anyway?

- Yeah, good.

Topbeef's running his own teams.

Dan's dead. Jamie's still running.

- Dan's dead?

- Yeah, overdose.

Kind of had it coming.

[man] What the f*** do you mean,

he can't get blood out of a stone?

Who the f*** said you're made of stone?

Right.

OK, I'll catch you later.

This him?

Mr. Jacobs. Nice to see you.

Heard a lot about you.

Oh, yeah? Cheers.

So who are you, then?

- Face looks a bit familiar.

- Mike, this is Mr. Robinson.

I'm your employer.

What, Scotty Robinson?

You run the firm, mate.

You're a f***ing legend.

[laughs]

- It's Mr. Robinson.

- Yeah, course.

But, yeah, you're right.

Back in the good old days

I was Scotty Robinson.

The guv'nor, the boss.

[Signs]

But the last time I was away,

I realized that the people

I was doing my bird with

were earning bundles of dough,

not getting their hands dirty

and doing a lot less time than I was.

So when I got out, I decided

to play it smarter, not so hard.

Mind you, anyone fucks with my family,

my business or me,

I revert back to Scotty Robinson

just like that.

But these days I leave the terraces

to the likes of you.

So, what, the bosses report back

to the firm heads now?

- Including me now.

- What, you're a boss?

A vacancy occurred,

and naturally Eddie stepped up.

Mike, we want you to come and work

for us again, this time be a supervisor,

take a step up, run your own team.

Yeah?

It's our way of rewarding you

for your loyalty if you like.

Keeping your gob shut.

Not putting us in it.

- It's more money.

- More responsibility.

- Be just like old times, mate.

- You'll answer directly to Eddie here

What do you say?

Yeah, f*** it, I'm in.

But before you accept,

I've got a little question for you.

Yeah, what's that?

What's your take

on the 1988 FA Cup Final?

It's important.

It's important to me.

To be honest, Mr. Robinson,

I was only eight.

Our team went out.

Who else you gonna support?

London club. Wimbledon.

Just wish I was a bit older

to put a bet on. F*** the Scousers, eh?

F*** the Scousers, eh?

F*** the Scousers.

Alex.

That's a good answer.

Take it.

You're gonna need it.

You've become a real target now.

Listen to me. In here, we're all a team.

Outside, different kettle of fish.

Dangerous. Take care.

I wanna ask you something. Why

didn't you come and visit me in jail?

- Mikey, were you feeling unloved?

- I'm f***ing serious.

I was there six months.

I didn't hear a f***ing thing from you.

I'm not the letter-writing type, babe.

Anyway, I'm here now, aren't I, hmm?

I always knew you'd come back

so we could carry on the party.

[voice-mail bleeps]

[Ed] Mike, I've gotta say, mate,

it's like you never left.

I'm glad you're settling back in.

Listen, the Newcastle lot called me.

They've got a bag full of lovely money,

so get your arse up there.

Give us a buzz when you get back.

Throw us the f***ing bag now!

[shouting]

F***!

F***ing kill him!

Sh*t!

Let him have it!

- Come on! We've got the money! Let's go!

- Come on.

We've got money coming in from

Berlin tomorrow, Paris the day after.

The money mover's

charging us 10% at the moment.

- We can drop that to 8% if we...

- [phone buzzes]

I'm sorry. Just one sec.

Mike, how you doing?

Can I call you back?

Slight problem with Mike.

Get him back here now.

Then I pulled out my gun

and tried to shoot him.

Oh. You tried to shoot him?

[Mike] I don't know how to use it.

I'm not a gangster.

I'm a white-collar fraudster

who's been given a gun.

Look, I don't know who they were,

but they were nothing to do with me, OK?

All right. I believe you.

I'm glad.

Whoever robbed you

knew exactly where you were gonna be

and that you were carrying that money.

Not a lot of people knew that.

Yeah. Right.

Don't trust anyone.

This will not happen again.

To get robbed once is unlucky.

To get robbed twice is f***ing careless.

So from now on, you will be totally

responsible for every penny you lose.

Got it?

Yeah, I got it.

One more thing.

The big match on Saturday.

Who you got your money on?

United. It's a no-brainer.

Oh, no, not this time.

If I were you, I'd try putting my money

on the underdog.

You might get a pleasant surprise.

Cheers.

F***!

- Take it easy, Mike. Take it easy.

- How am I supposed to take it easy?

Look, mate, you just need something

to relax. Here, look.

- Take a little toot on that, OK?

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