The Sasquatch Gang Page #4

---

Oh. No reason, I guess.

Well, hey,

you know how you wanted

to watch Clash of the Titans

with me?

Yeah, well,

I already saw it.

I was wondering if you wanted

to go to the park

with me instead.

Uh, sure.

Okay, great.

Well, be sure

to bring some activewear.

Activewear?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Gavin,

I rented The Crow.

Do you want to watch it

with me?

There's this scene

where this hussy

gets her eyes carved out.

Well, actually,

I was just about to call you.

Can I borrow Excalibur?

Sure. For what?

Well, um, I kind of

got a date

with a girl today.

A date?

Yeah, it's with the girl

from Video Vern's.

How'd that happen?

I don't know exactly.

I went and I rented

Clash of the Titans,

And she was all,

"that's my favorite movie."

And I was like, "sweet."

And she said, "we should

watch it together sometime."

And then I said,

"hey, want to go on a date?"

So you'd rather go

sword fighting with some girl

than watch The Crow

with me?

Is that all right?

Yeah, that's okay. Whatever.

It's your life.

Great, well, I better go.

Oh, hey,

can I watch this here?

You know how Grandma Lloyd

Won't let me watch rated-Rs

in the house.

Fine with me.

See you later.

You could start

in any of those three stances,

but this is my favorite one.

Because if someone comes at you,

you can parry their attack.

Parry?

Yeah, it means "block"

in medieval terminology.

Like, try and poke me

in the chest with your sword.

Really?

Yeah, do it.

You can't hurt me.

You see that?

That was a parry-thrust combo.

I couldn't help myself.

Force of habit.

Now you try.

This time, I'll thrust at you

and you parry it.

Okay.

You ready?

Oh, my gosh, I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

Oh, my adam's apple.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Not bad for a beginner.

Let's go for real this time.

Okay, I guess.

Okay.

Don't forget to bow.

Warriors, prepare

to cross swords.

Attack.

Time--

Time-out.

I win.

You probably realize it

by now,

but the Teutonic knights

didn't really call time-out

when they fell over in battle

in the middle ages.

Oh.

I'll remember that

for next time.

Hey, you weren't bad

for your first time, though.

I still totally roasted you.

You know what you need?

You need to get a battle ax.

I think you'll wield it well,

because your midsection's built

like a tree trunk.

You know, like many

of the great and power dwarves

in the Middle Ages.

I'm sorry; I'm an idiot.

I always relate things

to stupid legends and stuff.

You're not really a dwarf.

That's okay.

I really

should have blocked better.

Yeah, well, that's true too.

All right,

this time I'll play

at the level

of a neophyte apprentice

of the round table.

Okay.

Warriors, prepare

to cross swords.

Kiss my Amazon butt, Guile.

Hey, do you want to play me

at air hockey?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

but give me a little while.

I usually win

whenever I'm Blanka.

It'll only take me,

like, 15 more minutes.

Okay, well, do you care

if go play ski ball,

because this

is kind of boring.

Not at all.

Here's some nickels

in case you have none.

Go have fun.

Thanks.

Don't touch me, perv.

You liked it, Pippi.

Hey, you see that girl

over there?

What?

Playing ski ball by herself.

I bet I can go up to her

and kiss her,

and she wouldn't even stop me.

Bet she'd even like it.

Yeah, right, Shane.

Well, I bet I could.

I totally know the type.

She's here by herself,

secretly wishing

some guy like me would come,

you know,

sweep her off her feet.

Yeah? Prove it.

What, you bet me?

Yeah.

Well, how much?

Four bucks, yo.

Oh, come on,

you've got more than that.

Nuh-uh,

that's all I brought, man.

Four bucks is a lot of games

at the nickelcade, bro.

Fine, I'll do it

for four bucks, cheapwad.

Hey, girl, you ever wonder

what it's like

to kiss a guy like me?

What?

Yo, check it out, kid.

Your dad must have been

a baker,

'cause you got nice buns.

Excuse me?

Hey.

Come on.

Stop it.

Give me some of that.

No.

Come on, I'll give you a dollar.

No.

I just made me four bucks.

Oh, dude,

are you okay?

Get off me.

Hey.

Hey.

I came looking for you

when I couldn't find you

at the nickelcade.

Can I sit down?

Sorry, I'm just--

I should have stopped playing

that stupid game, you know?

I was--I was just

really kicking butt.

Fine, I--I guess

I'll see you later.

You can sit down, you know.

When I went like this,

I meant you could sit down

if you want to.

Why are people

so mean sometimes?

I don't know. Why?

What happened?

I don't really want

to talk about it.

You don't have

to tell me nothing.

Are you sure it wasn't because

I was really stomping people

in Street Fighter II?

Yeah.

Look, if someone

was mean to you,

they're just stupid, okay?

I mean, people have done

some pretty mean things

to me growing up,

and I've had to ignore it.

Like what?

Let's see.

One time, I went to school,

and when I got to class,

it smelled really bad,

like someone stepped

on dog crap or something.

I mean, the girl

sitting next to me

seemed like

she could smell it too.

I guess she thought

I crapped my pants,

because she walked over

to the seat

behind her hoochie friend

and started pointing at me

and blabbing.

It turned out someone

stuck a dirty diaper

in my backpack

when I wasn't looking.

The teacher made me

throw it away in the bathroom,

so I had to walk

halfway through the school

to get rid of it.

I guess he didn't want the smell

coming from his trash can.

Yep, people called me Dirty D

for a while after that.

I'm sorry.

You sure you don't want

to talk about what happened?

Well, I better go.

My mom thinks

I'm at the pet store,

looking at kittens.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Hey, Gavin.

Yeah?

Thanks.

Sure.

You sure about this, Sophie?

I mean, people stopped

doing this in the '80s.

I mean, why don't you

drink slim-fast shake

and just keep your mouth shut?

Drastic times

call for Drastic measures,

Uncle Mike.

Okay, but you call me

right away

if you change your mind.

Okay.

Hey.

Hey, Gavin.

What happened to your mouth?

I decided to get proactive

about my figure

and I got my jaw wired shut

to lose some weight.

But I think you look great

the way you are.

Thanks, but it's just kind of

something I wanted do for me.

Well, whatever makes you happy.

Anyway I just came by

to tell you

that we're taking a hike

to Deer Cliff Falls

on Wednesday at 10:00,

if that's cool with you.

I mean, I don't know

how you feel about hiking.

Yeah, yeah, sounds like fun.

Well, great.

We'll get proactive

on the hill together then, huh?

Okay, I'll see you then.

See you.

Mm-hmm, thank you.

Hey.

Hi.

Will this be all for you tonight?

Yeah.

I just love this movie.

It's a total classic.

Ah, it certainly is.

Can I get your phone number?

Really?

Yeah.

Or if you have

a membership card,

we can do it that way.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

But this movie

is a total classic.

Sure.

That will be a dollar.

Yeah, but don't you

totally love this movie?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes