The Sasquatch Gang Page #5

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Yeah, it's good.

Maybe we could watch it

together sometime.

Uh, that's okay.

I've already seen it.

But thanks anyway.

That'll be a dollar.

Forget it.

All right, girlie,

empty the register now.

Oh, my gosh,

please don't hurt me.

Are you d-d-d-deaf, girl?

The cash now.

Okay, okay.

I ain't messing around.

This is a gun in here.

It ain't my hand,

in case you were wondering.

Hey, what's wrong

with your mouth?

I got my jaw wired shut

to lose weight.

What?

You don't really look

like you need to.

Thanks, I guess.

Hey, pipe it.

I ain't here to make friends.

I know what you're doing.

I know the way the female,

The way they seduce you,

trying to be friends

with you.

And all of a sudden,

you're sitting there

with a valentines

that they don't want.

Give me the cash.

Okay, here.

That's it?

Is this some kind of joke?

Please, don't hurt me,

'cause it's not a lot.

Would you shut up?

I was counting

and now I lost count.

So 97 bucks.

That's all you got?

Videos only cost a dollar,

and we don't get

much business

since Megaflicks

cames into town.

I didn't ask about

your store's financial problems,

all right?

Now, is there a safe somewhere

or something?

Safe?

Yeah, a safe, you know,

like, where they keep money

and pearls and things.

What safe?

All right, I can't do this.

I'm taking this,

though, sucker.

Shut up.

Oh, my gosh.

Hello, we've been robbed.

It's at Video Vern's.

Please hurry.

No, no.

My jaw's just wired shut.

No, to lose weight.

Oh, dang it.

What time is it?

It's 9:
47.

It's 9:
47, man.

Come on, wake up.

Let's go.

We got to go.

9:
47.

Alarm didn't go off,

you stupid Casio.

Come on, wake up.

Just want some more nuggets

and sleep.

No more nuggets and sleep.

Come on.

Get out. Let's go.

Stupid, cokehead.

Ow.

Ow, Zerk,

you didn't have to do that.

Yes, I did,

and you know I did.

And I don't like hurting you,

but sometimes I've just got to.

A baby's got to be spanked

when he wants his bottle

and he can't have it.

Let's go.

All right.

Oh, oh.

Oh, shoot.

Don't need that one.

Come on, let's go.

You know, I was thinking,

me and you,

we both work at video stores

and stuff--

Mine's not actually

a video store,

But we both control

the eb and flow

Of videos in the region,

making sure the right videos

get to the right people.

Hmm, I guess

I never thought about it.

Well, I do.

So why do they call it

Deer Cliff Falls?

Well, Indians used to chase deer

with bows and arrows,

and the deer would get

so frightened,

they'd run right off

the big cliff up here

to their death.

And then the Indians

would climb down the mountain

and get the deer

and cook it.

That's why so many people find

so many arrowheads up here.

Whoa!

The Sasquatch.

Who?

Haven't you ever heard

of bigfoot?

It looks like he stopped

to take a big dump right there.

At least he doesn't take

squirty dumplings.

Shut up, Hobie.

Come on, we've got

to tell the cops.

Screw the cops.

Let's tell

the Clackanomah County Herald.

We'll get our pictures

in the paper.

Screw it.

Let's tell both of them.

All right.

Stupid nerds just fell

right into our trap, man.

They're gonna go tell the cops

and the newspaper.

Nerds.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

All right,

let's get out of here,

make those plaster casts.

You still go the camera, huh?

Hello, there, and welcome

to the Clackanomah County

Sasquatch site.

I'm here with my colleague,

Dr. Jokem,

collecting footprints

of the mysterious beast

who you nerds love so much.

And we're recording ourselves

while we work

so that you,

the buying public,

knows that when y'all

get a plaster cast from us,

you can sleep well at night

knowing that it's totally legit.

Maynard, what gives?

It's time to go.

My life sucks right now,

because I'm on restriction.

That's why.

What happened?

Dude, it was awesome.

My mom was totally freaking out.

Maynard, say good-bye

to your friends

and get back to work.

Sorry, guys.

I'll tell you later.

My mom says I can't talk

to any of my friends right now,

so you're gonna have to leave.

Have fun at the laser barn.

Good luck with your parents.

Thanks.

This sucks.

I might as well just go home.

What?

This is gonna suck.

I'm gonna be, like,

a third wheel.

No, you're not.

Sophie likes you.

No, she doesn't.

Yeah, right.

She thinks you're great.

No way;

She thinks I'm a fat lamewad,

and she doesn't want

to have anything to do with me.

It's you she likes.

What are you talking about?

She never said anything

about your weight.

Hobie, she likes you.

She thinks you're great,

awesome, man.

Let's go.

All right, let's go.

Let's go.

Can I ask you

a personal question?

Okay, I guess.

How many girls

have you kissed?

I'm sorry.

You don't have to tell me.

It's none of my business.

No, well, you see,

it's just that I've never--

I never really kissed

a girl before.

It's okay.

I'm V.L. too.

V.L.?

It means I have virgin lips.

I've never kissed anyone.

Well, I've never been kissed

by a boy, you know,

like romantically.

Oh.

It's not that

I don't want to or anything.

It's just I want it to be

the right time when it happens.

So that's what

they call it, V.L.?

Yeah.

Well, in that case,

you can say

that Hobie's V.L. too.

Can we go now, please?

Come on, Hobie.

Come on, guys.

Hurry up.

Remember, three times

and you're out.

Okay.

Just stand behind me,

and I'll protect you.

So who are we playing against?

I don't know; whoever's

putting on the other uniforms.

Suit up. Lock and load.

Yep.

It's Shane.

So what?

We can take them,

right, gav?

Yeah, totally.

Might as well

start shooting ourselves.

Check this out.

We're playing Gavin

and his fatty friends.

Shut up, Shane.

Hey, could we play someone

more challenging?

These guys suck

big time.

No, we don't.

Can you dorks take the nerd herd

back into the battle arena?

Get out of my face.

I'm hit.

Stay hidden back here.

Me and Hobie

will take care of them.

I'm hit again.

Just stay down.

Dang it. I'm out.

Don't worry; Hobie and I

will get them for you.

She sucks.

Finally, we got rid

of that deadweight, you know?

What?

Wing attack B?

Okay, I'll be the rover.

Fine. Ready?

Uh-huh.

Go.

Hey, you.

Retreat.

Retreat.

Go, you idiots.

Get out.

Oh!

Oh, lameness.

I'm out.

You're out, yo.

You're out too, homey.

Come on out, Gavin,

you wussmeister.

Come on. Come on, big boy.

You can do it.

You could come out

behind that stupid rock.

What would Perseus do?

Come on out, wiener boy.

What the crap?

game over.

Yes, I win.

This game sucks anyways.

Still a dork.

Punk.

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

He's just ticked

that I totally rushed him.

That's all.

Yeah, we kicked

their butts.

Yeah.

Come on, guys,

let's go slide down big pink.

All right.

Yeah.

# I don't like snails

or toads or frogs #

# or strange things

living under logs, #

# but, mmm, I love onions. #

# I don't like dancin'

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