The Sasquatch Gang Page #7

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No thanks, Grandma.

Doesn't that old bag realize

that no one my age

likes MASH?

Anyway, where was I?

Oh, yeah, how Gavin

is a no-good jerk

and steals all the glory,

the way he kept answering

all the reporter's questions.

And I never even got invited

to be on TV.

What should I do, Diary?

Guess there's only

one thing to do:

Go out in a massive bloodbath

of sour grapes.

Et tu, brute?

Hey.

hey.

Dr. Snodgrass is coming soon.

You coming?

It's okay.

I'm kind of busy.

Well, I don't want

to go alone.

Why don't you go bug

your girlfriend?

Well, she's not exactly talking

to me right now.

What about Maynard?

Maynard's still on restriction,

but he says he's gonna

try and make it, though.

What are you doing

that's so important anyway?

My grandma needs my help

with something later.

Doing what?

She's--she's making

apple dumplings.

It's my favorite.

What?

Hobie, your grandma's diabetic.

Look, maybe I just don't feel

like going, okay?

Well, don't you care

about getting the video back?

Why?

It's not my video.

What's wrong

with you lately?

I mean, that's

your favorite video of mine.

Look, I just don't feel

like going

and watching Gavin

become the big hero

when we all know we found

those footprints together.

So screw off.

Plus, you probably

won't find anything

when you get there anyway.

Admittedly, I have never seen

a Sasquatch,

but I am 98% certain

that they do exist.

And when I see one,

I will make the other 2%.

So today when I examine

the tracks,

I will be able to tell you

without a doubt

whether you have a true find

or indeed a hoax.

Take me to the site.

Okay, clear it open.

Mr. Snodgrass.

Mr. Snodgrass.

Is it true

that the Sasquatch

is an extremely dangerous

creature to this town?

I don't know

that we have a Sasquatch.

We will investigate;

I will find out

And let you know then.

Thank you very much.

Flat tire.

Ha, hope you're ready

to lose your video collection,

butt wipe.

Shut up, Shane.

You better not

have messed up my video.

Don't you mean my video?

See you up there, dork.

later, boner.

Where's Hobie?

Sophie?

And Maynard too.

Oh, I'm so glad

you guys could make it.

But, um, I don't think

Hobie's gonna come, though.

Why not?

I don't know.

He's mad about something.

Come on, guys.

Let's go.

Everyone else already left.

Come on, guys.

So what'd you tell your parents

to get off restriction, Maynard?

That I was gonna start

doing drugs or kill myself

If they didn't let me go.

Oh, sweet, man.

Yeah.

That's cool.

I'll have to try that one.

And now I get to miss school

twice a week next year

To visit a therapist.

Awesome.

Yeah.

I can't believe someone

broke through my yellow tape.

No, no, no,

Officer Chin Strap.

It's Chillcut.

Yes, yes.

Shh, shh, shh.

I've seen

this sort of thing before.

Clearly, the Sasquatch

detected my presence

and returned

to destroy any evidence

he was here to begin with.

Even the poo is gone.

Yes!

He probably ate it

to conserve his mythic powers.

Everybody, freeze!

Nobody move!

Sasquatch, if that's you,

you can come on out.

We'll promise

we won't hurt you.

Hey, don't shoot, man.

I'm unarmed.

He can talk?

If the Sasquatch can talk,

my theories were correct.

He is intelligent.

No, we--we won't shoot.

We hurt you.

You just come on out

from behind that tree.

C-come on out.

Zerk.

What are--

what are you doing--

What's everyone

doing here, man?

Wait a minute.

You're under arrest--

ah, my hand.

For tampering with evidence

and destroying property.

Evidence.

What evidence?

You know what,

Sasquatch hater.

I didn't do nothing.

I swear.

Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah, right, why don't you

try growing a mustache?

Quiet,

short stack.

Then who did,

Sasquatch?

He's long gone by now.

Uh, this bark smells.

Or maybe he

was never here at all.

Come on now.

Let's pack it up.

Everyone,

let's go home.

Quick judging me. Ah!

Get that camera--

Yeah, you seen that?

That'll make the evening news.

I didn't do it.

It's your fault,

you stupid nerd.

Get off me.

I'm going to prison.

Look at me.

Quit gawking and judging.

Hey, Ma,

we having nuggets tonight?

God, I can't believe it.

Do you think the Sasquatch

really did it?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Yeah, right, Fagon.

Ha-ha.

Fagon--what's that

supposed to mean?

It means you're gay,

you stupid jerk.

He's not gay.

Yeah, right.

I bet you guys

haven't kissed yet, have you?

Shut up, Shane.

Ha-ha, I didn't think so.

I bet you hadn't even tried,

'cause you really like

that homo Hobie.

Why don't you try

kissing me again?

I always enjoy kicking people

in the nuts.

Why don't you try

and bite me?

Oops, I forgot.

You can't open

your stupid mouth, fatty.

Leave her alone.

No. Now, then...

just want to find a time

to come by

and get the rest of the videos

from your coleccion.

What are you talking about?

You didn't win.

Give my video back.

No way.

It's mine now.

Give it to me.

Back off, Gavin.

Give my video back.

You want your stupid video?

Why don't you get your dog

to go fetch it?

All right, dog.

Go fetch it.

Stop it, you guys.

Stop calling her a dog.

She's not a dog.

She's a fox.

What the crap are you gonna do

with a stupid stick?

Oh!

Let me have him.

Let me have him.

Ah, my nipples!

Leave him alone.

Guys, I was, like, halfway down

when I--whoa.

Get off of him.

Hey!

Get off me.

Sit, dog.

Sophie! Ah!

Oops.

I think it's time now

for some fun

with Dirty D here.

Red belly time.

You can have the videos.

Just leave us alone.

who wants your stupid videos

anyways, dork face?

Uh, 100-hand slaps.

It's wedgie time!

Get him.

Oh, My God.

Oh, My God.

What happened?

Hobie?

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

Maybe I didn't want you taking

all the glory for yourself.

Here.

Yeah, nice one, fatso,

but I hit that kid

in the nuts all the time.

He'll be fine.

That's true, yo.

I'll be fine.

Good, because I'm not done

whupping his boodniks yet.

Come on, yo!

I bet you think

you're pretty cool

with that stupid sword,

don't you, fagot?

No, I think

I'm gonna give you

a 1,000-sword slap

with it.

Quit whacking yourself.

Quit whacking yourself.

Yeah, quit whacking yourself.

Yeah.

Go on, get your leg in there.

Well, of course,

if the Sasquatch is human,

the government would

have to provide proper housing,

schools

and school buses,

Medicare and food stamps.

Wait, come back!

Hurry. Quick.

We need help.

We were attacked.

What is it, my boy?

The Sasquatch?

Just hurry.

Get off me, you--

Who's whupping

your boodniks now, huh?

Hobie.

You okay, Hobie?

Yeah, I'm okay.

I'll get excalibur.

Not today, Gavin.

Oh, no.

Get off me, a-wad.

Oh, yo, you crushed him.

Yo, son,

are you all right?

Come on.

Man, forget this, son.

Let's bounce.

Oh, who's got a stick now?

Eat stick.

Oh, that hurt.

You should have left us alone,

you jerk.

My mom's gonna kill me,

man.

Shane, it's the cops.

Wait up, guys!

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