The Secret Lives of Dorks Page #4

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Is Your Name Gillette?

I Don't Want To Know.

Because You Are The Best A

Man Can Get.

Oh, Hey, Carrie.

Are You An Architect?

Because You Seem To Make Every

Room You're In...

[ High-PITCHED ] Beautiful.

I Have One.

Do Your Pants Have Mirrors On

Them?

Because I Can Totally See Myself

In Them.

[ Laughs ]

[ Normal VOICE ] You Want To

Wear Her Pants?

[ Chuckling ] Right?

Forget The Pickup Lines.

Pick Up A Phone And Just Call

Her And Ask Her Out.

She'll Say Yes. I Promise.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, Thanks.

Why Is She Helping Him?

Maybe It's Because Payton's

Helping Me With Comics.

If She's Helping Him Because

He's Helping Me, Then It's Like

We're On The Same Team, And I

Should Be Helping Somebody...?

You Know, Next Time Grandma

Gets Out Of Her Car, I'm Gonna

Open The Door For Her.

You Stupid Boy!

Ow!

[ Screams ]

When Mrs. Hooper's Blind Ass

Trips, I'll Stop Laughing

Sooner.

[ Chuckles ]

Or When Coach Bronko Has Us Run

Laps, I'll Slow Down So

Everyone Else Doesn't Look Like

Such Dorks.

[ Laughs ]

Hey.

Oh, Hey, Babe.

So, Did You Want To Hit The

Galleria And Then Maybe Go To

Ted Drewes For Some Frozen

Custard?

Actually, I Got This Thing To

Do.

What Thing?

Uh, It's For A Girl.

What Girl?

Um, No, You Don't Know Her.

She's In College.

Well [Scoffs] What Are You

Doing With This College Girl?

Oh, Just Lifting Stuff...

For Her.

She's Not Hot At All.

Neh.

You're Fine With It, Right?

Totally Fine.

Thanks, Babe.

I'll See Ya.

Have Fun Lifting Stuff.

With Your Not-Hot College Girl.

Let's...Call.

Yeah.

[ Sighs ]

[ Ringing ]

Ehh...Well, So, I'll Text Her.

[ Ringtone Plays ]

Call Her.

Can't I Just Text Her?

Please?

[ Scoffs ]

Grow A Pair.

I'm Better At Writing Than

Talking.

Don't Text Me Until You've

Called And Asked Her Out.

[ Sighs ]

[ Ringing ]

Hi, IT'S Sam.

Unless YOU'RE STUPID, YOU KNOW

WHAT TO DO.

[ Beep ]

Hi, Samantha.

Um, So, I-I'm Sorry If I'm

Bugging You.

I Just -- I --

Well, The Reason That I'm

Actually Calling Is -- Is That

I-I Wanted To Ask, Um --

This Probably Sounds Crazy.

Mm. This Is --

I-I Don't -- I -- I-If You're

Busy, That's Fine.

I-It's Fine If You're -- If

You're Busy.

Oh, I Wanted To That If Maybe

You Wanted To Really Just Do

The --

You HAVE REACHED YOUR MESSAGE

LIMIT.

Goodbye.

Okay.

[ Sighs ]

Yeah.

[ Chime Tone Plays ]

I Would Love To Go Out With

You.

Colon, Dash, Parenthesis.

[ Clears Throat ]

[ Chime Tone Plays ]

Really!

[ Chuckles ]

You Want To Go...

I Have A Date.

Not With Carrie, But...

But Still A Date.

Whoo-Hoo!

Yes!

Thank You.

Thank You.

[ Sighs ]

[ Cartoon Plays On Tv ]

Gale, Where's Dad?

Stay Black!

Dad.

Can I Borrow The Car Friday

Night?

Why?

I...Have A Date.

With A Girl?

Yes, With A Girl.

[ Chuckling ] Okay, Good.

All Right.

You Can Drive Brunella.

[ Scoffing ] Oh.

Dad. Dad.

First Date Here, Okay?

Can't Ruin My Reputation By

Showing Up In Brunella.

Name One Thing Wrong With

Brunella.

One Thing?

The Taillight Is Held On By

Duct Tape.

The Passenger Seat Belt Is Duct

Tape.

I'm Pretty Sure The Only Thing

That Keeps The Car Together Is

The Rust.

The Rust And The Duct Tape.

Son, That Is What We Call

"Character."

[ Sighs ]

Look, Do You Want This Girl

To Go Out With You Because

You're Driving A Nice Car Or '

'Cause Of What You Got Inside?

Dad, First Date Here.

Well, Wh-- What Is Wrong With

Driving Brunella?

What's The Worst That Can

Happen?

[ Tires Squeal ]

Actually, The Worst Thing

That Could Happen Would Be If A

Truck Driver Driving

Cross-Country Finds Out That

The Woman That He Was In Love

With On The Internet Was

Actually Just A Pimply Faced

16-Year-Old Boy.

So He Loads Up On A Mixture Of

Nodoz And Jack Daniel's, Which

Causes Him To Temporarily Lose

Control Of His Big Rig,

Swerving Into My Lane, And,

Because Brunella Doesn't Have

Automatic Steering, Forcing Me

Into The Guardrail, Then

Through It, Then Down A Cliff

As We Tumble End Over End Until

It Lands Upside Down, Crushing

Us, Catching Fire, And We

Slowly Burn And Bleed To Death

At The Same Time.

All Right, Look -- If A Girl

Will Date You Driving Brunella,

She's A Keeper.

Dad, Please?

You Know What?

You're Never A Loser Till You

Quit Trying.

What?!

Mike Ditka.

What You Up To?

Geez!

[ Chuckling ] Nothing.

Why Would I Be Up To Something?

It's Not Like I Have Anything To

Hide From You.

[ Chuckles ]

So, How Did Lifting Go With

That College Girl?

What?

You Know, That College Girl

That You Had To Lift Stuff For.

Oh. Yeah, That.

Um...

Yeah, It Went Okay.

Actually, It Went So Well, She

Wants Me To Lift Stuff For Her

A Couple Times A Week.

She Does, Does She?

[ Chuckles ]

I Guess We're Both Lucky To

Have Such A Strong Man In Our

Lives.

Totally.

So, What's This Lucky Girl's

Name?

Andy.

And Where Does Andy Go To

School?

College. Duh.

What's She Studying?

Books, Mostly.

Great.

Well, I'll Have To Meet Her

Sometime.

Ohhh, Uh...

I'm Sorry.

I-I Mean, No.

You Two Won't Get Along.

She'd Be Way Too Jealous Of

Your...

[ Inhales Sharply ]

...Beauty And...Stuff.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, I Wouldn't Want To Make

Her Jealous.

Maybe You And I Should Stop

Seeing Each Other Till, You

Know, You're Done Lifting Stuff.

Hey, Hey.

Don't Be Silly.

We're Just Friends.

Okay.

Oh, Look.

It's The Rolling Hill Retards!

Boo!

Dude!

That Never Gets Old!

Ugh!

Apparently, Neither Do They.

So, Looks Like Your Little

Dr. Phil Theories About Me Were

Wrong, Because I Asked Samantha

Out, And She Said Yes.

See?

I Knew You Had It In You.

With Some Prodding.

Why Didn't You Tell Me They

Killed Robin?

Clark, This Is A Really Big

Moment.

Payton's About To Go On His

First Date.

What Makes You Think It's My

First?

It's Nothing To Be

Embarrassed About.

You're Just A Late Bloomer,

That's All.

But I Am So Proud Of You.

How Could They Kill Robin?

They Killed Off The Second

Robin, Okay?

The Jason Todd Robin.

But He Was A Jerk, And The Joker

Caught Him Anyway.

They Left It Up To The Fans

Whether They Wanted Him To Live

Or Die, And They All Said, "Get

Rid Of Him."

But It's Okay, Because

Superboy-Prime Can Punch People

Back Alive.

It's Just Wrong.

It's Unamerican.

I Mean, It's Always Been Batman

And Robin, Montana And Rice, Or

Bert And Ernie.

[ Chuckles ]

Anyway...

So, Where Are You Taking Her?

Uh, My Dad Recommended This

Place.

He Took My Mom There On Their

First Date.

That Is So Romantic.

So Much More Romantic Than Where

We Went On Our First Date.

What?

Under The Bleachers After School

Wasn't Romantic?

No.

It Was For Me.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, This Is Very Important.

Always Open The Door For Her,

Especially When Getting In The

Car.

Go Around To Her Side First,

Open The Door, Let Her In, Then

Close The Door, Go Back Around

To Your Side.

It's Very Gentlemanlike.

And That Way, You Get A Good

Look At Her Ass When She Sits

Down.

You'll Know She Really Likes

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