The Secret Lives of Dorks Page #5

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You If She Gives You...

A Reach-Over.

A Reach-Over?

It's When She Reaches Over

And Unlocks The Door Before You

Get There.

At Dinner, Find Out What She

Wants, And Then Order It For

Her.

Compliment Her On Her Outfit.

And Her Hair.

Or Her Shoes.

Ah!

Girls Love It When You Notice

Their Shoes.

You Want To Be Strong, But

Sensitive...

Mysterious...

Informative...

Interesting...

Removed.

You Want To Impress Her At All

Times.

You Want Everything To Run

Smoothly.

You Want To Be Perfect.

You Want To Get To Second

Base!

Any First Date Where You Don't

Is A Failure.

Can't I Just Be Myself?

Both:
No!

[ Engine Sputtering ]

[ Engine Backfires ]

[ Stomach Gurgles ]

[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]

Uh-Oh.

That Didn't Sound Too Good.

Got To Love Taco Day.

Yeah.

Favorite Lunch Day By Far.

Only Good Things Can Come

From Taco Day.

At This Point, I Was Thinking I

May Have Eaten One Too Many

Tacos.

[ Stomach Gurgles ]

[ Engine Shuts Off ]

[ Farts ]

Oh!

[ Sighs ]

Stupid Taco Day.

[ Farts ]

Okay.

Tell Her I Like Her Shoes.

No.

No, Tell Her I Like Her Outfit.

Or Her Hair.

O-Or Her Shoes.

[ Knock On Door ]

Samantha, You Look --

Hey, I'm Not Ready Yet, So,

Uh, Hey, Come In.

Just Relax.

I'll Be Done In Two Minutes.

No More Stress And...

Okay.

...No More Strain

Um...

[ Groans ]

Sitting Back

[ Farting ]

Happy Jack, Time To Relax

Ugh!

Take It Easy, Take It

Slow

[ Groaning, Farting ]

Am I Happy? Hmm

Just A Touch

[ Farts ]

Sitting Back

Happy Jack, Time To Relax

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

Going Somewhere, Don't Care

Where

Wow.

'Cause He's Happy To Stay

[ Gagging ]

Till The Journey's End

[ Sniffs ]

Ugh.

Oh. Sorry To Be Rude.

These Are My Parents, Suzie And

Thomas Gibson.

Ohh.

[ Clears Throat ]

Taco Day, Huh?

I'll Be Right Back.

[ Sniffing ]

[ Clock Ticking ]

Just So You Know, You Have,

Uh, Nothing To Worry About

Tonight.

Your Daughter's In Very Good

Hands.

I Promise To Be A Perfect

Gentleman.

Just Dinner, Movie, Home.

You Know, No -- No Monkey

Business.

We Feel Very Safe In Our

Belief That You're Going To Be

An Absolutely Perfect Gentleman

Tonight.

And Everything Samantha Has

Told Us About You Says That

You're A Charming, Well-Behaved

Young Man.

We Just Wanted You To Know

That.

Mm-Hmm.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay.

I Know Where You Live.

Um...

I Know Where To Bury A Body.

Okay.

I'm Not -- I'm Not One Of Those

"Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am"

Guys.

No, I Keep My Hands To Myself.

I-I Actually Have A Friend --

Well, Not Really A Friend,

But -- But He Thinks A-A First

Date Is A Failure Unless You Get

To Second Base, But I Have No

Plans To Get To Second Base With

Your Daughter.

No.

I Am Not Interested In Her

Breasts At All.

N-N-Not That I Don't Like Them.

I Mean, They're Very Nice --

Small, But Nice, You Know.

Not -- Not The Nicest In School.

I Mean, I Can See Where She Gets

Them.

Not That You Have Small Breasts,

Miss Gibson.

Just Saying That They're...

There, You Know.

So, Chances Are That Samantha

Got Them From You.

Not That Mr. Gibson's Side Of

The Family Doesn't Have Nice

Breasts.

I'm Sure They Do.

They Seem...Nice And...

Small.

You Know, I Actually Prefer

Small Breasts, And I Find Your

Daughter's To Be A Very Fine

Size.

N-Not That I Just Spend All My

Time In School Looking At Them.

I Mean, I Don't Spend All Of

Third Period Staring At Your

Daughter's Breasts, Okay?

So, Just To Be Clear, I Have No

Intention Whatsoever Of Going To

Second Base Tonight With Your

Daughter.

[ Gasps ]

Payton.

Yeah?

You Can Let Go Of My Breast

Now.

I'm Gonna Do That.

Okay.

Let's Go.

Pleasure Meeting Both Of You.

It's Another Thing To Check

Off My List -- Getting Felt Up

By A Date In Front Of My

Parents.

I Just Spent The Last Five

Minutes Talking To Your Parents

About Your Breasts.

I Was Actually Telling Them How

Much I Enjoyed Them.

And Then I Grabbed One.

You Told My Parents That I

Have Nice B*obs?

And Then...I Grabbed One.

I Am So Sorry.

No.

You're Super-Cool And Totally

Awesome.

[ Smooches ]

Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, Uh...

No!

Oh!

Oh, I'm So Sorry!

Are You Okay?

[ Chuckles Nervously ]

I'm Sorry. I'm So Sorry.

Are You --

No Big Deal. I'm Fine.

I Really Like Your Outfit Or

Your Hair.

Thank You...?

I'm Just -- I'm Trying To Be

The Perfect Gentleman.

I'm Sorry.

You Don't Have To Apologize.

Just -- Sorry.

[ Chuckles ]

Stop Apologizing.

Sorry For Apologizing So

Much.

Stop.

Yeah.

No -- No More...

Apologizing...Anymore.

Sorry.

Sorry.

[ Engine Turns Over ]

[ Tires Squeal ]

I Can't Seem To Look Away

There You Are, I'm In A Daze

Wondering If You Would Ever

Know

In The Street Or In The Hall

With Your Back Flat To The

Wall

Where You Are Is Where I Want

To Go

I Can't Seem To Look Away

There You Are, I'm In A Daze

Wondering If You Would Ever

Know

In The --

[ Engine, Radio Shut Off ]

South Price Road.

My Dad Says This Place Has The

Best Meat In Town.

[ Dance Music Plays ]

Isn't This North Price Road?

Come On.

Oh, Yeah.

This Is Gonna Be Good.

[ Audience Cheering ]

Uh, Where's The Hostess?

May I Have Your Attention,

Please?

Bring Your Seat Backs To Their

Upright And Locked Position.

Prepare For Takeoff.

Get Ready, Ladies, For The Best

Meat In Town.

Ugh!

[ Music Continues ]

Oh, My...God.

Is That Miss Stewart?

[ Screams ]

Oh, Cool.

[ Laughing ]

[ Gasps ]

Ugh!

[ Screams ]

[ Laughing ]

All...Right.

Interesting Choice For A

First Date, Payton.

Hi, Samantha.

Hi.

Look, I Can't Begin To Tell

You How Sorry I Am.

I Do Not Enjoy Looking At

Well-Built, Oiled-Up Men With

Sweat Dripping Down Their Nearly

Naked Bodies.

If I'd Known It Had Been Like

That, I Wouldn't Have Taken You

With Me.

Not -- Not That I Would Have

Gone On My Own.

[ Sighs ]

Great.

Now You Think I'm Probably Gay.

Did You Say Something After

"Well-Built, Oiled-Up Men"?

Remind Me To Ask Miss Stewart To

Organize Our Next Field Trip.

Carrie!

Hi, Carrie.

Aren't You On A Date?

I Was Under That Impression

Myself.

Payton!

Oh, Payton.

Hey, Clark.

How's The Date?

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

She Looks Like She Crapped Her

Pants.

[ Laughter Continues ]

[ Laughter Distorts ]

Those Are Really Nice Shoes.

Okay, Knock.

But You're Holding My Hand.

[ Scoffs ]

Okay, Now Knock.

I Don't -- I Don't...

[ Sighs ]

Uh...

What?

Okay, Tell Her I'm Here With

Your Jacket And That You're

Sending Me In.

Huh?

[ Sighs ]

This Is What I'm Gonna Do -- I'm

Gonna Go In There With Your

Jacket And I'm Gonna Claim That

It's Your Idea.

When She Comes Out, Tell Her She

Looks Nice, 'Cause She's

Obviously Gonna Be Feeling A

Little Insecure Right Now.

Wow.

You're Really Good At This.

[ Breathes Deeply ]

Samantha!

Carrie's Gonna Be Coming In With

My Jacket.

[ Sarcastically ] Oh, Great.

[ Sighs ]

Just Don't Expect Me To Kiss Her

Good Night For You.

After This, You're On Your Own.

Hey.

She Gave Me A Reach-Around In

The Car.

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