The Secret to a Better Life Page #7

Synopsis: A self-help guru finally tells you a Secret you can use.
Genre: Comedy, Short
Director(s): Scotch Wichmann
Year:
2011
5 min
319 Views


642

01:
11:06,262 -- 01:11:07,752

Sh*t!

643

01:
11:09,198 -- 01:11:10,688

Get out of here.

644

01:
11:17,906 -- 01:11:18,998

Get down!

645

01:
11:35,791 -- 01:11:38,885

That was nuts, man! That was nuts!

646

01:
11:38,961 -- 01:11:40,690

You're an ol' G, ap.

647

01:
11:40,763 -- 01:11:44,631

Man, I've never seen

somethin' like that in my life! Never!

648

01:
11:44,700 -- 01:11:47,692

Man, that was the craziest sh*t

I've ever seen, ever!

649

01:
11:47,770 -- 01:11:49,032

That was just incredible.

650

01:
11:49,104 -- 01:11:51,766

That was just the most incredible thing

I've ever seen!

651

01:
11:51,840 -- 01:11:53,603

- Hey, Luis!

- What?

652

01:
11:56,078 -- 01:11:57,841

Thanks for coming with me.

653

01:
11:59,982 -- 01:12:02,746

Thanks for coming with me.

654

01:
12:02,818 -- 01:12:03,944

Sure, ap.

655

01:
12:05,754 -- 01:12:07,517

You're welcome, Dad.

656

01:
12:27,576 -- 01:12:29,601

Drive. Ap, drive.

657

01:
12:29,678 -- 01:12:32,010

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Drive. Drive. Drive.

658

01:
12:38,554 -- 01:12:40,454

Go, go, go, go.

659

01:
12:43,759 -- 01:12:45,386

Are they on us?

660

01:
12:53,369 -- 01:12:54,996

Truck, pull over, please.

661

01:
12:56,605 -- 01:12:58,163

Ap, drive.

662

01:
12:59,608 -- 01:13:01,269

What are you doing? Go!

663

01:
13:01,677 -- 01:13:03,304

Please, go!

664

01:
13:03,379 -- 01:13:05,040

Ap, go!

665

01:
13:17,693 -- 01:13:18,990

What are you...

666

01:
13:20,696 -- 01:13:23,187

Stop it. Luis!

667

01:
13:25,401 -- 01:13:26,390

Luis.

668

01:
13:27,636 -- 01:13:29,263

- Please.

- Luis.

669

01:
13:32,174 -- 01:13:33,607

No, mijo.

670

01:
13:37,913 -- 01:13:38,902

Yeah.

671

01:
13:50,459 -- 01:13:54,190

May I have your driver's license

and registration, please?

672

01:
13:54,730 -- 01:13:56,493

Sir?

673

01:
13:57,199 -- 01:13:59,190

Your license?

674

01:
14:38,173 -- 01:14:42,371

Welcome to Agua Dulce. Pay attention.

I'm not going to repeat myself.

675

01:
14:42,611 -- 01:14:48,948

You're going to remove all of your clothes.

Everything. Socks, underwear, shoes.

676

01:
14:49,451 -- 01:14:54,013

All jewelry, watches, necklaces, rings, etc.

677

01:
14:54,890 -- 01:14:56,858

There's no fighting allowed in this prison.

678

01:
14:57,459 -- 01:15:00,223

If you are involved in a conflict of any kind...

679

01:
15:00,629 -- 01:15:05,123

...You will be criminally charged just

as you would be on the street.

680

01:
15:06,935 -- 01:15:11,838

We need to know right now

if you have HIV-AIDS...

681

01:
15:12,407 -- 01:15:14,807

...Tuberculosis, hepatitis or any other

682

01:
15:14,877 -- 01:15:19,576

communicable diseases

or medical conditions.

683

01:
15:20,315 -- 01:15:25,218

A word to the gang members.

Gangs are not allowed here.

684

01:
15:25,921 -- 01:15:28,754

If you are caught congregating,

segregating...

685

01:
15:28,824 -- 01:15:35,229

...Holding meetings, organizing, recruiting,

practicing any kind of intimidation...

686

01:
15:35,664 -- 01:15:41,466

...Throwing signs, defacing property,

you will be swiftly sent to isolation.

687

01:
15:41,937 -- 01:15:43,666

You will be processed into

688

01:
15:43,739 -- 01:15:46,640

the Department of Homeland Security's

immigrant database.

689

01:
15:46,975 -- 01:15:52,470

Your information will be made available

to all Federal Law Enforcement Agencies...

690

01:
15:53,048 -- 01:15:56,484

...As well as International Agencies

and Governments.

691

01:
15:57,119 -- 01:16:00,816

You're going to receive a $5 calling card...

692

01:
16:01,657 -- 01:16:06,287

...Issued by the Immigrant Hope Charity

group of Greater Los Angeles.

693

01:
16:07,563 -- 01:16:09,030

And finally...

694

01:
16:10,065 -- 01:16:12,590

...You're going to be released

into general population.

695

01:
16:15,037 -- 01:16:17,198

Thank you for your attention.

696

01:
16:29,952 -- 01:16:31,977

Before they took him away,

697

01:
16:32,054 -- 01:16:35,148

Pap said it was cool for you

to sell the truck.

698

01:
16:35,223 -- 01:16:37,157

Get your money back.

699

01:
16:37,793 -- 01:16:40,318

Blasco's daughter's gonna pick it up.

So you're cool.

700

01:
16:42,764 -- 01:16:44,459

That's what you think?

701

01:
16:44,700 -- 01:16:46,930

That I'm cool with that?

702

01:
16:48,236 -- 01:16:50,727

You want to know something

about that man?

703

01:
16:51,573 -- 01:16:54,974

When I got here,

for six years he gave me a place

704

01:
16:55,544 -- 01:16:57,978

and took care of me and fed me,

and protected me.

705

01:
16:58,046 -- 01:16:59,707

Yeah, and then you got the hell out,

didn't you?

706

01:
17:01,516 -- 01:17:03,245

You married some pendejo for your papers.

707

01:
17:03,552 -- 01:17:06,350

You got out and left him, and left me.

708

01:
17:06,421 -- 01:17:08,048

So don't be tellin' me you know him.

709

01:
17:08,490 -- 01:17:10,617

I knew him!

710

01:
17:10,692 -- 01:17:12,091

He's all I got.

711

01:
17:13,328 -- 01:17:16,491

That's not true. I'm here for you.

712

01:
17:20,302 -- 01:17:23,601

But I have rules in my house.

And you have to behave.

713

01:
17:24,439 -- 01:17:27,840

If I see the slightest sign

that you're involved in any stuff,

714

01:
17:28,910 -- 01:17:31,208

drugs or gang stuff, you're out.

715

01:
17:32,447 -- 01:17:35,905

Linda's only 12 years old.

Do you understand?

716

01:
17:35,984 -- 01:17:37,110

Yeah, I understand.

717

01:
17:37,486 -- 01:17:39,681

Luis. Luis!

718

01:
17:43,325 -- 01:17:46,658

Mr. Galindo.

Do you want me to speak Spanish?

719

01:
17:46,928 -- 01:17:49,920

- I understand English.

- Okay. I work for an NGO

720

01:
17:49,998 -- 01:17:51,693

that represents undocumented aliens.

721

01:
17:51,967 -- 01:17:54,697

I need you to know

that I'm not with the government.

722

01:
17:54,803 -- 01:17:58,102

The government doesn't provide

representation to illegal aliens.

723

01:
17:58,273 -- 01:18:00,673

I'm not Immigration,

I have nothing to do with the ICE.

724

01:
18:00,976 -- 01:18:03,774

- Yeah. I can't pay a lawyer.

- Right.

725

01:
18:04,046 -- 01:18:05,536

I'm free.

726

01:
18:05,614 -- 01:18:08,606

I'm just here to help advise you

about your choices.

727

01:
18:08,684 -- 01:18:11,016

I don't cost anything.

728

01:
18:11,420 -- 01:18:13,820

Okay. You have a decision to make,

729

01:
18:14,690 -- 01:18:18,251

whether or not you plan

to contest removal from this country.

730

01:
18:19,327 -- 01:18:22,455

If you tell the deportation officer

that you wish to fight,

731

01:
18:22,531 -- 01:18:26,160

he will set a date in the future

for your removal hearing.

732

01:
18:26,368 -- 01:18:29,269

If you tell him

you don't want to contest removal,

733

01:
18:29,337 -- 01:18:33,398

then the judge will order

your immediate deportation.

734

01:
18:33,775 -- 01:18:37,074

Is there a good reason you should

be concerned about returning to Mexico?

735

01:
18:37,679 -- 01:18:41,638

- A political situation?

- I have a 14-year-old son here.

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Elisha Shapiro

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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