The Seven Year Itch Page #7

Yes?

I'd like to stay here

with you tonight.

I'd like to sleep here.

- Are you sure?

- That is, if you don't mind.

It's not a question of minding.

We don't wanna rush into this.

There are savages, and savages.

This may be too savage.

If you want to stay--

Don't make me go

to that hot apartment.

I haven't slept in three nights.

I'd like to look good tomorrow.

I could sleep right here

in this chair.

I'll be as quiet as a mouse.

You won't know I'm around. Please?

Well, that's different.

Of course you can sleep here.

We're not savages.

We're civilized people.

- Thank you. What time do you get up?

- About 8, I guess.

- I'll fix you breakfast.

- Fix my breakfast-- Wait a minute.

Suppose someone sees

you leaving the apartment at 8.

Just one person sees you,

and we're dead.

All right then, I could get up

at 6 and sneak upstairs.

Get up at 6 and sneak-- Sneak!

Even worse. Suppose someone sees you

sneaking out?

We're not doing anything wrong.

Certainly, but there's such

a thing as society, laws, rules.

But after all, no man is an island.

- Who is it?

- It's me, Mr. Kruhulik.

- What is it?

- I was just coming home.

Went out with a lady,

the one with the big, fat poodle.

I saw your light. I thought it might

be a good time to pick up the rugs.

At 1:
30 in the morning?

Are you out of your mind?

I promised your wife.

Those moths are probably right now

chewing away big, gaping holes.

Stop worrying.

I give you my word...

...the moths are not eating anything.

Come tomorrow, early,

before they have their breakfast.

You can't trust a moth, Mr. Sherman.

They get hungry at night...

...so they start looking around

for a snack and--

- Oh, I wish I was dead

- What's the matter?

I'm sorry. I didn't quite

understand the situation.

In a situation like this,

who cares about moths?

Situation, Mr. Kruhulik?

What situation?

Moths? Let them eat the rugs.

Let them eat the curtains. Who cares?

Go, man, go.

I'd like to explain this.

This may seem unusual.

- But it's the most natural thing.

- I'll say.

Summertime, and the living is easy

Fish are jumping, cotton is high."

That's enough! The young lady

lives in this building.

- There's been a terrible accident.

- Hi.

Well, hello!

Isn't she a living doll?

This lady's tomato plant fell down.

Sorry to disappoint,

but that's all there is to it.

In fact, I'm glad you dropped in.

You can help her take

the plant upstairs. It's here.

I watered the garden

with a cocktail shaker.

A little silver shaker.

You can see your insinuations

are preposterous.

A natural mistake, Mr. Sherman.

And my apologies to you, dear lady.

What a doll!

- Right out here, Mr. Kruhulik.

- What a shambles.

It's all right.

We're covered. I have a policy.

Thank you, Mr. Kruhulik,

and good night.

Good night, Miss--

Whatever your name is.

Be careful, it's heavy.

Don't strain anything.

I'm strained already...

...from carrying that big,

fat poodle around. I wish I was dead!

- Well, good night.

- Good night.

I'm sorry.

But you can see how it is.

I understand. No man is an island.

Normal.

Everything is absolutely normal.

Sleep. Go to sleep.

How can I possibly sleep?

What'll I do?

Helen. Write to Helen.

Write a long letter to Helen.

Paddle, that's it.

I've got to send the paddle.

Little Ricky out there on the lake

without a paddle.

Wrap the paddle and send it off

in the morning. Ricky needs it.

Going to get his paddle.

How do you wrap a paddle, anyway?

Paper and string, what else?

I need a piece of paper the shape

of a paddle.

All right, nothing.

Hey, there's some gauze

in the bathroom.

I can bandage the whole thing,

put some tape on it and--

And what, send it up in an ambulance?

This is ridiculous.

People send paddles every day.

The mails are full of them.

How do they do it?

That's it, old newspapers!

Big deal, old newspapers.

Get a lot of string,

slap it together...

Hi.

Forgot about the stairs. It was

so easy. I pulled out the nails.

You know what?

We can do this all summer.

Miss. Young lady.

I've got to take a shower.

Got to get to the office.

Please, lady, get up, go home

so I can get to the office.

Please, lady? No?

Poor kid, working in New York

in this heat.

And on television! Standing there

under those hot lights.

She must need money real bad.

Lives in an expensive apartment.

I know what clothes cost.

Buys imported champagne.

How can she possibly afford--?

She must have

other sources of income.

Plenty of ways a girl can get money

if she's unscrupulous enough.

She could get herself some foolish,

well-to-do married man.

Trap him into some situation.

Bleed him till he's white,

squeeze him till he's dry--

They have a word for this.

They call it "blackmail."

Where is she? She's with Kruhulik.

They're down at the bank

going through my safe-deposit box.

Hello, are you in there?

Hi, good morning! Just taking

a shower. Be out in a minute.

Taking a shower, she'll be out

in a minute, that's all.

I should get one of the new towels

and take it to her.

That would very definitely

be another boo-boo.

If anyone were to walk in,

would they ever get the wrong idea.

Cinnamon toast for two, strange blond

in the shower. Explain that.

Tell them you spent the night

wrapping a paddle.

Anybody walk in here!

Who's gonna walk in here?

J. Edgar Hoover? Arthur Godfrey?

Helen, maybe?

She's in Maine.

How could she get here?

On the train, that's how.

On the early morning train.

Why would she be coming to New York?

Because she knows something.

Because someone tipped her off.

Who could've tipped--?

Kruhulik!

He saw the girl here last night

...called Helen long distance

and told her everything.

She's on the train, I know it.

Early morning train's in already.

She's in a cab. She's on her way here.

She'll be here any second!

There's a woman in this apartment.

I know there is.

- No, Helen, it's not true.

- Don't lie to me, Richard.

Who told you? Was it Kruhulik?

That's right.

I've had him watching you for months.

His name's not Kruhulik. He's

a private eye named Johnny Dollar.

- What are you going to do?

- I'm going to shoot you.

I can explain everything.

The cinnamon toast, the shower.

This girl's from Denver.

The Kaufmans have no air conditioning.

Spend a fortune on sculpture.

The drugstore wouldn't

take back her fan, she lost the slip.

So I let her sleep in our bed.

I was just wrapping the paddle.

At least have the decency to keep

the paddle of a child...

...out of this sordid mess.

You're mad.

You'll never get away with this.

Yes, I will. There's such a thing

as the unwritten law.

Goodbye, Richard.

- Give me another chance!

- They'll give me a medal.

The wives of America

will give me a medal!

Helen, I'm going fast.

Give me a cigarette.

A cigarette! You know what

Dr. Murphy told you about smoking.

A cigarette.

Just one more cigarette, Dr. Murphy.

One more for the road.

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