The Sheriff of Fractured Jaw Page #4

There we are. Now, then.

Good luck. Cheers.

Extraordinary.

Well, when in Rome.

You dirty stinking polecat, reach!

CORA:

Johnny!

Great Scott.

KATE:

What's the trouble?

It's Keeno.

When I heard the shooting

I figured you'd cashed your chips.

Good heavens, no.

I was having a sociable drink...

...with my friend when this man

pulled a gun out and shot him.

Johnny, hit it out of town

till he's buried.

All right, boys, break it up.

Chick, Bester, get rid of him.

But there's a dead man down here.

Ah! Come on, everybody,

drinks on the house for all of you.

[BAND PLAYS AS MEN CHEER]

I never seen Keeno look

so peaceable before.

How can you, sir, as mayor of this town,

permit such a thing to happen?

I told them to do

their gunning out in the open.

Shooting matches in a crowded saloon

like this can be dangerous.

Some innocent bystander

might get hurt.

- Well, haven't you got any laws?

- Sure, we got more laws...

...than you can shake a stick at.

Got nobody to enforce them.

I hate to think what them Box T boys

will do when they find about this killing.

Well, this is preposterous.

Good heavens...

...haven't you got a constabulary?

- Con...? Con...?

A constabulary, a guardian

of the law, a bobby, a...

Oh, you mean a sheriff.

Whatever the man's called out here

who sees to the law.

We been trying to get us a sheriff

for a long time...

...but we can't get nobody

to take the job.

If you could find us a sheriff

we'd be mighty grateful to you.

I've never heard anything like this

before in my life.

It's the duty of every citizen

not to shirk his civic responsibility.

Yeah, that's right, it is.

Oh, would you...?

- Would you care for a drink?

- Delighted.

- Good health, sir.

- Same to you.

You know, this stuff isn't too bad

when it burns away the nerve ends.

- That's a good...

- What were we talking about?

- A sheriff. Yeah.

- Indeed. Now, it's vital.

It's vital, sir.

Select your man, go up to him...

...look at him square in the eyes.

Speak to him with a firm tone

and don't take no for an answer.

Never fails, my dear sir, it never fails.

Would that be the way to talk

to a man like yourself, for instance?

Absolutely.

You mean,

just walk up to him and say:

"Lookie here, mister, this here town

needs a sheriff, and you're gonna be it."

Jolly good, jolly good.

Mister, you've talked yourself

into a job.

Welcome to Fractured Jaw,

Sheriff Tibbs.

"Sheriff Tibbs.

These is all

that was left of Sheriff Dalton...

...Sheriff Harper and Sheriff Baines.

If any of them fit you, good luck.

Respectfully yours, Doc Masters.

P.S. Their duty done,

they rest in peace."

Him, sheriff?

Don't you get all hot and bothered

about this fellow being sheriff.

I tell you, he'll make a great sheriff.

He ain't nothing but a gunman, after all.

And he's quicker

than greased lightning on the draw.

Last night, I seen him

stand up at that there bar...

...and drink a lot of cowpokes

under the table...

...and walk out of here

as sober as a judge.

I tell you, I do like me a drinking sheriff

that can hold his liquor.

Oh, good morning,

good morning, sheriff.

- That's what I want to see you about.

- Yeah.

Everybody in town feels a heap sight

safer now that you're in charge of things.

- I am not the sheriff.

- Oh, sure. Sure you are.

Do you see that gun rack there? We

passed an ordinance last spring saying...

...that nobody could wear guns inside

Fractured Jaw, not even the mayor.

I don't know the laws

your council passed last spring.

All I know is that

this is ridiculous.

How can I be a sheriff?

I'm not a citizen of this town.

- I'm not even a citizen of this country.

- As mayor of Fractured Jaw...

...I hereby exercise my civil rights

and prerogatives...

...and I appoint you a citizen

of the United States of America...

...and I make you

sheriff of Fractured Jaw.

There, there you be.

Now, you can have

as many deputies as you like...

...providing you can find

any men to serve with you.

Listen, my dear mayor, quite apart

from all the idiocies of last night...

...this is absolutely absurd.

I'm here on business. Guns.

Oh, that's all right,

we don't care about that.

Everything will be perfectly legal

as long as you're a-wearing that badge.

- Cold feet, friend?

- No, quite warm, thank you.

Big talker,

but when it comes to backing it up...

Really, this is just

a little misunderstanding.

Is it? I'll get the coffee.

Oh, thank you so much.

I could do with a cup.

My head doesn't feel too strong

this morning.

Mr. Mayor, do you get the impression

that she isn't terribly fond of me?

You see, Kate, she only likes folks

that play fair and square...

...because that's the way

she plays herself.

We don't hit it off too well.

Well, she wants a good man for sheriff,

just like the rest of us.

Don't worry, she'll cotton to you

all right, just give her time.

I wish she wouldn't look at me

as if her stomach were turning.

I'll tell you what, you come on over

and sit in on the poker game.

- Give her a chance to know you better.

- Does she play?

Play? Why, man,

she invented the game.

Frenchie, Bellows, Carson, Jenks,

this here is Tibbs.

He's our new sheriff.

Come on, boy, come on.

Here, he's a new hand at the game, but

he wants to sit in on it just the same.

Hello.

All right, here you are,

I'll stake you.

You can pay me back after the game.

Cut them, Frenchie.

All right, they're coming out.

- I have played a little, you know.

- Oh, you have? Where did you play?

Oh, I met two gentlemen

in St. Louis...

...who taught me

the rudiments of the game.

- The what? Oh, I see.

- Rudiments. Rather costly.

All right, king bets.

Frenchie, it's up to you...

...what do you say?

- I bet three bucks.

MASTERS:
Three bucks. You in?

- Yup.

All right, come on.

Let's get rolling here, boys.

Three dollars there, sheriff. Put it down

here. All right, I'm in. Coming out, boys.

That's too bad that missed you,

ain't it?

There's a queen. There's a king.

- A pair of deuces.

- I have a pair, Mr. Mayor.

- All right, you bet.

- Me to bet. Uh...

Two, uh...

More? All right.

Four. Thanks, partner.

Four, I raise you four, gentlemen.

Four silver dollars.

- Four dollars and you in?

- I'm in.

What do you say, boys?

What do you say?

Raise you five.

Man raises you five.

I'll raise you five, sir.

- Are you done betting?

- Yeah.

All right, hold it, coming out.

A nine.

A seven.

- Have it out between you.

- I'm to bet, I'm...

- A pair of deuces are still high.

- I think I'll go, um...

Six. Six, I raise you six.

Man bets $6. He sees you.

- Okay, what have you got?

- Pair of sixes.

A pair of sixes.

Three twos. And, gentlemen,

I think the pot is mine.

Take it away, sheriff, it's yours.

Thank you, partner.

Well done, indeed.

- A double snort, Chick.

- Right.

Hey. You see that fella over there?

- That's Bud Wilkins, Lazy S gunslinger.

- What?

Yeah, he's wearing a gun.

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