The Snapper Page #4

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back in your pocket.

OK.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah.

I, uh...

I kept these for you.

Your panties.

- Isn't that what you call them?

- Me knickers?

Yeah, I was just keeping them

for you in case they get lost.

- What were you doing with them?

- Nothing.

Don't start that.

I was going to show them

to the lads.

Oh, my God!

- But I didn't.

- I've changed me mind.

Give us back the tenner.

I deserve it.

- Certainly. There you are.

- And remember...

if you ever say anything

to anyone again about me...

I'm going to tell Mrs. Burgess.

Ah, there you are, Dessie.

How's it going?

You keep your hands off me.

What's wrong with you?

You know bleedin' well

what's wrong with me!

You were saying things

about Sharon!

No, you got it wrong, Dessie.

- Wrong? Me bollix!

- No, honestly. I swear!

Me bollix!

I'm sorry, Dessie.

You should be

ashamed of yourself...

an old thing like you.

Saying things like that

about young girls.

- L... I know.

- You're not worth hitting.

Dessie, I'm sorry.

Really, on the Bible.

I was just messing

with the lads.

The lads.

You sound like a kid.

If you ever say anything

about Sharon again...

I'll kill you, right.

No, no, I... I won't.

You needn't worry about...

and if you drop Darren

from the football team...

because of this,

I'll bleedin' kill you, too!

Jesus, sorry.

The one you said

I could do without

Well, we're in an awful mess

And I don't mean maybe

Please

Papa, don't preach

I'm in trouble deep

Papa, don't preach

I've been losing sleep

But I've made up my mind, ohh

I'm keeping my baby

I'm gonna keep my baby

Ooh, yeah

Ohh.

Turn your head.

Who did that to you?

Me best friend!

Fair enough. Suits you.

See, I told you.

It looks lovely!

Pat says his dad's after

running away from home.

- Pat who?

- Burgess.

Georgie Burgess is

after running away from home?

Yeah. Pat's ma's up to 90.

He said she's knocking

back the Valiums...

like there's no tomorrow.

She would be.

Lend her some of yours, Ma.

Poor Doris.

That's a good one, though, huh?

Ha ha.

Do you know

where he's gone, Darren?

No.

Pat said he just snuck out.

Tom Sawyer, what.

That's made my day.

Fixed. Tom Sawyer Burgess.

Oh, Jesus!

He must have a mot

hidden away somewhere.

S, senor.

Who'd look at him?

The state of him.

Have you

looked at yourself recently?

I'm not running away, am I?

And shirking

me responsibilities.

He's not that bad.

You fancy him yourself, do you?

No!

Lester fancies younger lads.

Isn't that right, Lester?

Lay off, would you?

I can't understand it meself.

You know, the way queers...

like each other.

Do you think about it much?

No.

Nearly never.

Lay off, would yous?

So, Senor Burgess has vamoosed.

And shirked

his responsibilities.

Don't start, you.

Poor Doris.

And the kids.

Why don't you adopt them?

Ha ha ha.

Do you ever...

Leave me alone.

Ha ha ha.

Jesus. Poor Yvonne, though.

Yeah.

Maybe we should

go round to her.

Ah, no.

Yeah, I'd be too embarrassed.

Yeah.

Is Craig with Yvonne, Sharon?

Don't know. Didn't see him.

Can you imagine it?

Your da!

Jesus! Ha ha ha.

Jesus, yeah.

Sharon! Sharon!

Oh, Sharon,

there's someone outside.

Who?

I don't know.

I'm not looking.

A pervert, probably.

God.

Oh, Janey.

Shh!

Just shut up!

Who is it?

Just some

young fellas messing.

Messing!

At this hour of night.

Give me a look.

They're gone.

What young fellas?

They're gone, Lisa.

They'd better not

have been looking for me.

I'll kill them.

Return to sender

Address unknown

No such number

No such zone

Ma!

"I hope

you will understand, Doris.

"I cannot abandon this girl.

"A-b-a-n-d-o-n.

"She has no one else

to look after her.

"Full stop. "

Dirty-looking eejit.

"I am, as the old song goes...

"torn between two lovers.

"P.S.

The paper is my sister's. "

Sharon Curley.

Doris.

Is your Sharon here?

She's at work, Doris.

Why? Why do you want her?

Well, if you must know...

she's been messing around

with my George.

- He's the father.

- Get lost.

I will not get lost.

She's your daughter.

Go home, will you?

Of course.

I should've known.

She's her mother's daughter.

What's after happening, Doris?

Your woman hit her.

You seen it yourself.

I mean before that.

What happened, Doris?

Kay Curley gave her

a terrible clapper on the nose.

I'll do it meself.

What did she do that for,

Doris?

Sharon.

What?

Sharon Curley!

Feck off.

You're joking!

No way. No way.

No way!

Ah, Jesus Christ!

Are you all right, Sharon?

Jesus, Kay,

that bastard's older than I am.

Georgie Burgess.

I can't even go for a pint now.

About time you stayed in.

I'll see yous. I'm just

going over to Yvonne's.

I'd make alternative

arrangements if I were you.

Oh, Jesus.

Can you forgive me?

Ooh, yeah

Ha ha ha ha!

Ol

Ol, ol, ol, ol

Ol, ol

Ol, ol, ol, ol, ol

Ol, ol

Are you all right, Sharon?

A man.

Is that you squeaking?

No.

Ah.

Oh. Ohh.

Oh.

Ohh.

That was A-one.

Good girl.

Who was that?

- Sharon, are you coming?

- I'm coming.

Hurry up, will you!

- How in the...

- It wasn't him.

- I never said it was.

- It wasn't him, right!

OK, OK.

Well, if it wasn't Burgess...

It wasn't bleedin' Burgess!

George Burgess!

Shite.

True as I'm standing here.

She's having it for him.

They're getting a flat.

Jesus!

Shirley, come here. Listen.

You know your woman

who's preggers?

Guess who's the da?

Mr. Burgess!

Look it!

Hey, slut!

How's Mr. Burgess?

Slut!

Take it back!

Take it back,

you f***ing bastard!

Hey, baby,

it's your Georgie Porgie

Let me tell you

where I've been

Let me tell you

where they've been

Hey, baby,

it's your Georgie Porgie

Oh, look here, she's coming.

Oh, here's the tart again.

Stupid old Curley.

Up the spout again.

Sharon!

Wait, will you? Hang on!

Close your mouth there,

Mrs. O'Leary.

The birds'll

start nesting in it.

There's no bleedin' way,

Jackie. You know that.

I know. I know that!

Jesus, the state of him.

There's no way you'd have...

Don't say it.

I'll get sick, I swear.

Jeez, can you imagine it?

Jesus.

That big fat belly

on top of you.

Stop!

You telling?

I suppose I'd better.

Jesus, Sharon. Come on.

It was one of them

Spanish sailors.

- What?

- You know. You do.

In town.

There was a big boat,

you know, in the docks...

for two days I think it was.

Oh, he was gorgeous, Jackie,

I'm not joking you.

Was he? Jesus!

You never mentioned him before.

I didn't want to.

And now I have to.

It was only for one night.

Yeah. Do you know his address?

I don't even know

his bleedin' name, Jackie!

In a hotel.

Jesus.

Lovely.

Like "Letter to Brezhnev. "

God, yeah.

I never thought of that.

Jesus.

He nearly had me screaming.

I'm not joking! Ha ha ha!

We did it in the bath as well!

Aah!

- It was brilliant.

- Oh, God.

I'd love that.

Come here.

Did he give you his cap?

- What?

- His cap.

You know, his uniform.

- Uh, no.

- Did he not?

You know Melanie Beglin?

She has two of them.

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