The Snapper Page #5

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A German and a Swedish.

- Does she?

- Yeah. She's a slut, that one.

Jesus, sorry, Sharon.

I didn't mean...

I don't know what

she has to laugh at.

You don't hear me laughing,

do you?

Thank God.

Lower that thing, will you?!

You can live

any way you want...

She can go and laugh

somewhere else.

Jesus, me heart!

Was that one of ours?

Wait a minute. Hold on.

Where was it?

Burgess!

Burgess, you bastard, you!

Come on out!

Come on!

Will you come on!

Stay out of this, you.

Come out, Burgess!

Get in here, you gobshite!

Craig, love, come on home.

He's not in there, you eejit!

I'm doing this for you,

you slut!

Come out!

Oh, yeah. Come on!

Right, come on!

Come on!

F***ing knock me down!

Go to hell! Come on!

Janey Mac!

Come on!

Come on. In.

In, in. Get in.

Jesus!

Do not forsake me,

oh, my darling

On this our wedding day

Do not forsake me

Do you know what, sergeant?

He done it deliberately.

He backed right over her.

Oh, God, the poor little thing.

And all 'cause

I gave him shepherd's pie...

two nights on the trot.

Tsk, tsk.

But I have the evidence

here now.

Oh, God.

Spanish, no less!

Yeah. Spanish.

An Irish sailor wasn't

good enough for you, what?

And will Sinbad

the Spanish sailor...

pay for Burgess's

broken windows, I wonder?

Will he be much longer,

do you think?

That depends on himself.

Well, I have

a few sandwiches for him.

What are they?

Uh, ham.

I'll see he gets them.

Thanks.

Spanish sailor, me arse.

She's a lying, f***ing b*tch!

- Ah, look at you.

- I don't care what you say!

I'm Pedro the sailor man

Toot, toot

Sharon?

Are you sure the baby

won't look like Mr. Burgess?

No, he won't!

He's not the daddy, Kimberley.

I told you that.

Who said that, anyway?

Nicola Malley.

Well, you tell Nicola Malley

to piss off.

- I did already.

- Good.

And I scraped her face as well.

Good.

And I scribbled

all over her sums.

Brilliant.

Look out, Sharon.

- Hello, Sharon.

- How'd you know I was here?

Did you not see me

over by the vegetables?

What do you want?

I want to talk to you, Sharon.

Well, that's a pity,

Mr. Burgess...

'cause I don't want

to talk to you.

Ah, Sharon, please.

I have to talk. I'm tormented.

You're tormented?

You've made me

the laughingstock of Barrytown.

I can't go out

without being jeered at.

You're tormented?

You prick, you!

Please, Sharon, please.

What?

Come on, I'm in a hurry.

Sharon...

Sharon, I love you, Sharon.

Don't laugh at me. I do.

On the Bible, I love you.

I'm very embarrassed, Sharon.

I think I want

to take care of you, Sharon.

You took care of me

seven months ago.

It's my son, too, remember.

- Son?

- Baby. L... I meant baby.

Your baby?

You have it bad,

haven't you, Mr. Burgess?

Yeah. Yeah,

I have been living a lie...

for the past fifteen years.

It's taken you

to make me cop on, Sharon.

Did you rehearse this,

Mr. Burgess?

No! Yeah.

Well, I've been thinking...

of nothing else,

to be honest with you.

Come to London with me, Sharon.

I've a sister over there.

Would you ever?

Feck off!

Sharon, please!

Let me finish!

No. I'm not going anywhere

with you, Mr. Burgess.

I'm staying here.

Anyway, it's not your baby.

Is it because

I'm older than you?

It's because I hate

the bleedin' sight of you!

You're not just sayin' that?

No, I hate you!

Will I sing it for you?

- What about the little baby?

- Forget about the little baby!

If you must know,

you were off target!

- I was not!

- You were, so there!

It was a Spanish sailor,

if you must know!

Spanish?!

I sleep around, Mr. Burgess,

you know what I mean?

I find that hard to believe,

Sharon.

Go home, Mr. Burgess.

Go home!

Sharon, please...

Will you shut up before you make

an even bigger sap of yourself!

Go home!

All right. OK.

Lt'll be our secret, Sharon.

I'll always remember you,

Sharon!

You met this young fella,

you... you "clicked"...

and you went to a hotel room...

and you're telling me

you can't remember his name?

I was drunk, I said.

I was drunk

when I met your mother!

I still remember her name!

It's Kay!

Don't shout.

Look, I was really drunk.

Pissed!

Sorry, Mummy.

How do you know

he was Spanish then?

Or a sailor?

He could have been

a Pakistani postman...

if you were that drunk!

Well?!

You needn't believe me

if you don't want to!

Oh, thanks very much!

Will we get out?

No.

What do you think?

Do you believe her?

I think I'll be delighted

if the father...

was a Spanish sailor

and not Georgie Burgess.

God, yeah.

Why don't you leave her alone?

What do you mean?

If she says

he's a Spanish sailor...

why not let her say it?

What, believe her?

Yeah.

I don't know.

If she'd just give us

a name or something.

What does it matter?

What?

Do they believe me?

They do, yeah.

I think they do.

But it's a better gas...

thinkin' of Mr. Burgess

doin' it with you...

instead of the other fella.

That's what you're

fighting against, Sharon.

Barrytown's sense of humor.

Terrible smell in here,

isn't there, Mary?

They shouldn't

let prostitutes in here.

I'll kill you!

- Don't bother! Come on!

- Hey, Yvonne...

Don't bother.

Just come, please.

B*tch.

I don't think

they do believe me.

It's him.

No, it's not.

What do you think

about it, compadre mio?

Sorry, Bertie.

L... I wasn't listening.

I was lookin' at that

soccer shower over there.

They're laughing at me.

Ah, cop on to yourself,

will ya?

I'm telling you.

They're looking over here

and laughing.

There's no one laughing at you.

If they want,

they can bleedin' try.

Anyway,

it wasn't Burgess at all.

It was a Spanish sailor now,

she says.

Sharon.

So you said.

Why did Burgess

do a legger, then?

S, seor.

Sharon's

a lovely-looking young 'un.

She'll have lads

queuing up for her.

Burgess'd never get near her.

I'd say it was

a Spanish sailor, all right.

Yes, hombre.

He speaks the truth.

Oh.

Good-lookin' lad, you know.

Different as well, like.

Dark and tall.

- Exotic.

- Exactly.

And a hefty langer on him, huh?

Christopher Columbus.

Janey, he moved!

- Of course he did.

- Give us a go.

He kicked, yeah.

Here as well.

How could he?

He has two legs, Lisa.

Take it easy.

Shh.

Shite.

I tell you,

but I gave as good as I got.

They were laughing at me,

I'm telling ya!

Will you calm down?

Let me go!

I'll bust 'em!

Aren't you great?

I'm not going up there anymore.

L... I don't care!

I can't enjoy me pint

under them conditions.

Georgie Burgess!

Oh, shut up.

I'm sick of it.

Here, Sharon.

Your da's after

been defending your honor.

- Isn't he great?

- What happened to you?

Nothing, Sharon. Nothing.

Don't mind your mother.

She's been at the sherry again.

Were you in a fight?

No, not really.

What happened? Yeah?

Well...

they were saying things.

I won't let anyone...

anyone... jeer Sharon.

I don't care who they are.

You're a bleedin' eejit.

Why didn't you ignore them?

'Cause I'm not like that!

You're my daughter, Sharon!

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