The Snapper Page #6

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And, feck it all,

you're my daughter...

and as long as you

live in this house...

I won't let bollixes

say things about you!

- Maybe I should leave then.

- No, Sharon, no.

Maybe I will

if you're going to keep...

getting into fights

all the time!

I won't, Sharon. Honest!

It was just the once!

L... I won't listen

to them anymore.

Only a shower of shites!

Well... look,

I know you mean well.

I know, Sharon.

But I can fight

me own fights on me own!

No better girl.

Anyway, they've nothing

to jeer me about.

You're right, Sharon!

Of course!

- It's a terrible shock.

- What?

Being married

for twenty-five years...

and suddenly discovering

your husband's a prick.

What?!

You'd be a long time waiting...

before you'd get a bit

of gratitude in this house!

Huh. Ohh!

No!

She's havin' the baby!

I'm not.

Look, keep back, you.

Give her space.

I have to go to the toilet!

Is that all? Jesus!

The kettle's boiled in here.

You're not goin'out

like that.

Oh, Da, please!

You're not goin'out

dressed like that!

You can forget about it.

What's wrong with it?

Every bowsie in Barrytown

will be sniffin' after ya.

That's what's wrong with it.

Stop that, Dessie.

That the two groups

are closely related.

Well, we already have one...

One what?

Go upstairs,

put a proper skirt on...

and then you can go out.

Go on, love.

Yous haven't a clue.

It's got a segmented body...

- Hey, where you goin'?

- To Jackie's!

...a fist with a hook on it.

That is a sign

that this is a fully mature...

What? What?!

Ah, go on.

Go on and play with your pals.

I can't go to the pub.

You're dead right.

I wouldn't take that

from my da.

Is that all right then?

Yeah, it is, and come here.

If nothing happens, and he's

still actin' the prick...

we go ahead and do it. OK?

Are you serious?

Yeah. Why not?

Anything to get away

from these bleedin' things.

They freak me out, they do.

I can never stay in here

on me own.

All these little cement men

starin' at me.

There, Sharon.

Mr. Burgess, what?

I'm amazed I let it slip away

I, I am crazed

It's runnin'through my...

Hi.

Pain that runs...

- I said, "Hi, Daddy. "

- I heard you.

Has to fall

You're in me way. Lookit.

I was watchin' that!

Why won't you

talk to me anymore?

I do talk to ya.

- You don't.

- Yes, I do.

I said hello to you yesterday.

Not properly.

I'll tell you the last time

you talked to me properly.

The night before you were hit

in the nose.

Why are you treating me

like shite, Daddy?

I don't know

what you're talkin' about.

You do know.

Will I tell ya?

'Cause I've shamed the family.

- No!

- Don't bother denying it.

It's true.

I've been stupid and selfish.

I should've known.

And I know you still think

that Mr. Burgess is...

I don't think

Mr. Burgess is anything.

You do.

Even though you hide it well.

Sorry, Daddy.

You were great.

So, I think it'd be best

if I leave, for everyone.

You can get back to normal.

- Leave?

- Yeah.

Me and Jackie

are goin' to get a flat.

You're not goin'.

I am. I want to.

It's for the best.

Night, night.

Ah, Sharon, no.

She won't go.

I'll talk to her

in the mornin'.

You were great, Da.

She apologized.

Pub.

What's hard and hairy

on the outside?

It's wet...

And soft on the inside.

Ha ha ha!

Jesus.

It begins with a "C."

It ends with a "T."

And it has a "U"

and an "N" in it.

A cu-cu-cu-coconut.

Ha!

A coconut!

But, Sharon, you can't go.

I won't let you.

Try bleedin' stoppin' me.

Now, there's no need for that.

We want you

to stay here with us...

a- and have it...

the... the baby... with us.

- Don't we, Kay?

- Yeah.

- I'm goin'.

- When?

- After dinner.

- Today?

Yeah.

Oh, for Christ's sake, Sharon.

God. Oh.

I hope you enjoyed gettin'

yourself into that state.

Did you?

It's for the best.

I'm goin'.

Huh? Look, this is your home.

You should stay.

Stay with your family.

Maybe now. But look it.

It's gonna keep reminding you

of Mr. Burgess.

Oh, no.

No, it will.

Even though it wasn't him.

I'll go upstairs and pack.

What? Oh.

She's not goin', Kay.

She's not!

And you, gobshite!

You wash them dishes

when you're finished!

Now get off him, will ya?

- You on your own?

- Yep.

Where's the girls?

I don't know. Out.

Fair play to them.

- Don't go, Sharon.

- I have to.

You don't have to.

Sorry. Cryin'.

I don't know what to say.

Sorry, Sharon.

I haven't cried

since I was a kid.

You cried during the World Cup.

Sober, Sharon, sober.

Drunk doesn't count.

We all do stupid things

when we're drunk, don't we?

I know.

Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it like that.

I know, Da.

I'm sorry. Anyway, look.

I've been a right bollix...

'cause I was feelin'

hard done by.

It's my fault.

Please don't go, Sharon.

I'll only keep

remindin' you of...

Look, I'm sorry

to interrupt you.

This is really hard

for me to say.

I wanted you to feel bad...

'cause I was feelin' sorry

for meself.

I can't look at you

when I'm sayin' this.

Please, don't go, Sharon.

We need you here.

The girls!

What about the baby?

I feel like a bleedin' eejit.

I love you, Sharon.

And the baby, well,

it'll be yours...

so I'll love it the same.

What if it looks

like Mr. Burgess?

I don't care

what it looks like.

I couldn't give a shite.

That's easy to say now.

I'm not just

saying that, Sharon.

I swear I'm not.

If it looked like Burgess's

arse, I'd still love it.

On the Bible.

What if it's a girl

and it looks like Mr. Burgess?

Oh, feck it.

Then we'll have to smother it

and leave it on his step, what?

Daddy.

I'm only messin'.

She'll be lovely.

She better be.

We're a good-lookin' family.

Anyway, it won't

look like Burgess...

'cause he isn't the da, right?

Yeah.

Unless your Spanish sailor...

looks a bit like him.

Does he?

Just a little bit.

Oh, well.

Because I love you

In my own peculiar way

Once more.

Because I love you

In my own peculiar way

Here, look, get yourselves

some 7-Ups...

and some of that stuff

that Tina Turner drinks.

- What is it?

- Pepsi.

- Go on.

- What about me?

A Toblerone?

A Toblerone for your mommy.

- Take that. Go on.

- Can I have a flake?

Yeah, go on.

Hang on! Get me something

with marshmallows in it!

Feck ya!

Are you well, Kay?

- I'm all right.

- Huh? Ha ha ha.

Ma?

- What?

- What do you think of Sebastian?

Lovely.

River.

Call him River, Sharon.

What about... Ma?

What?

- What about Marcus?

- Lovely.

Great help you are.

I think it should be Desmond.

Come on.

I'll give you a lift, love.

Keanu.

No way.

River, then.

River Curley?

Get lost, Lisa.

Ah, it's for the wife.

Stick that in.

In the socket there.

- Which one?

- The bottom one.

- There?

- Yeah, go on.

- Aah!

- Jeez!

What in the name

of Jesus was that?

What happened?

She stuck the nail

in the socket.

Again?

What'd you do that for?

'Cause it fit.

We'll have

to have her looked at.

I'll get me jacket.

I can't wait to see

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