The Somewhat Normal Life Of Li Gin (0.5 Draft) Page #11

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Sara (as she grabs it anyway): Do I have a choice?

Bill:
No, I spent 30$ on two boxes of 24, Hospitals are out of their minds!

Li (coughing as he drinks it): Get a refund, It’s flat.

Sara (spitting it all on Bill): That is the flattest drink in the history of drinks being flat in the history of people spending thirty dollars in the history of people drinking in the history of drinks existing in the history of cans being a thing in the history of things being--

Li:
UGH. Shut up, We get it! I told him!

Bill (walking off): They said no refunds, but I swear on my grave, I will get that refund!

Li:
What was that?

Sara:
You didn’t see me wink at you or make my voice sound different? I was mocking him!

Li:
Mocking? That’s the word? It sounded like you straight up copied him. I don’t think you want to copy annoying.

Sara:
But was it as annoying?

Li (in struggle to think): Well, Uhhhh.. No--Yes---Maybe-- You got me there.

Sara (laughing):
See! I told you!

Li:
You’re happy that I said that you may or may not be annoying?

Bill (walking in): I’m annoying!

Li:
You’ve got that right.

Bill (bringing in 4 boxes of 24 rip-off sprites): You like sprite? Or, Lemon-Lime Maroon?

Sara:
What?

Li:
What does that even mean?

Bill (shrugging his shoulders as he puts the box on his chair): If I knew I probably wouldn’t have bought it.

Li:
Why?

Bill:
I don’t like the word Maroon.

Li:
Why?

Sara:
His least favorite band is Maroon 5.

Li:
Oh, Why is that? I--

Bill:
They’re a less emo/pop version of Fall Out Boy! It’s disgusting!

Sara:
They’re not even similar!

Li:
Yeah!

Bill:
Yes they are! The song Fix is the same song as Dance, Dance!

Sara:
That’s Coldplay’s song! And they’re not similar whatsoever!

Bill (as he pulls a candy stick out and starts eating it): Wait, Is Maroon 5 the dudes that made that Cardi B song?

We cut to a guy doing his laundry, He is coughing, and he then pulls out his phone, and has a text from Bill.

Bill (his text):
Hey, Look man, It’s been years hasn’t it? I know you hate me for what happened, considering Sam was your ex, but man, You were my best friend!

Lo (as he calls): I told you to stop.

Bill (picks up):
Aye! Lo! Lo! Lo! Lo!

Lo:
What do you want?

Bill:
I got you a ticket to Florida man! Come and visit!

Lo:
Look, I’m busy--

Bill:
Come on! These were, uhhh, uhhh, Okay they were on sale, They’re the bad airline--

Lo:
Ugh, First you call me wanting to hang out, Second, You buy me tickets to the worst airport in the history airports in the history of airports existing in the history of things existing in the history of--

Bill:
You’re my best friend dude! You gotta visit me and Becky, and Li.

Lo:
Who’s Li?

Bill:
You never met Li Gin-- Oh wait nevermind, He’s from Washington.

Lo:
Yes, And I’m Lo Tuck, I’m from Tennessee-- Oh wait nevermind, YOU’RE A BAD FRIEND!

Lo throws his phone on the dryer, and he also bangs his hand on it.

Lo (as he jumps up and around): AGH! MY HAND, MY HAND, MY HAND!

We cut to Lo getting in his car, he bangs his head on the steering wheel, and calls Sam.

Sam:
Hey, Lo. What’s going on?

Lo:
Your ex called.

Sam:
Who? Dave?

Lo:
No, Bill.

Sam:
Oh, That kid that bullied him in high school--

Lo:
You dated him, fool!

Sam:
What did he want?

Lo:
He wanted me to come to Florida so we could hang out.

Sam:
Ah. Did he invite me or something?

Lo:
No, God no. After that breakup, I don’t think he ever wants to see you again.

Sam:
He cheated on me! Let’s make that abundantly clear. He was great, and then, Well--

Lo:
And somehow you framed him for tax fraud, and he got arrested, DESPITE THERE NOT BEING ANY PROOF!

Sam:
Ugh, Is this why you called? You certainly didn’t try to stand up for him.

Lo:
You are a liar! You lied to me! Saying we’ll have a life together and crap! BULL!

Sam:
Goodbye, Lo.

Lo (suddenly sounding desperate): NO! Please don’t hang up! I got nothing! I need friends! Please, god! Please--!

Sam:
What do you want from me, Lo?! I’m suddenly supposed to be your best friend after another friend ticks you off?! NO! That is not a friend, Lo! I can’t just be your all of this f***ing sh*t that has been going on! I’m not the answer! You just can’t keep f***ing up everything! You made Chason mad, You made Dave mad, and you threw me and Bill away! It doesn’t matter anymore, Lo, I suppose you know that, and if you don’t, It is about time you finally get a clue! And if you can never find that clue, Keep digging! Eventually, That clue will tell you, WE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! YOU can’t keep doing this! I’ve told you a million times already! Even in this conversation! I can try to help you, but I can’t be anything more than an acquaintance to you, Lo! Do you understand me?!

Lo (hanging up):
No wonder he cheated on you.

As Lo drives off (some christian song plays on the radio), he looks at the buildings. He begins to cry, and he stops in the middle of the road. He gets out of his car, and screams at the cars passing by, cursing at them telling them that they’re bad people, or that they are worthless.

Lo (at a truck with a redneck in it giving him signs with his fingers): Ah go off!

Lo walks in the Family Video across from him. He goes up to a register, and places 50$ on the counter.

Dina:
Yes?

Lo:
I want 50$ worth of CBD products.

Dina (pulling out bags): Is that all?

Lo:
I suppose I’ll look around at the movies.

Dina (nodding):
Alright, I’ll put this in, and you can do the movies on a different transaction since you gave me the cash.

Lo:
How much is tax?

Dina:
It’s tax-free weekend.

Lo:
Oh yeah.

We cut to Li in a wheelchair, being wheeled out the door of the hospital, Bill and Sara are wheeling him, and Sara tells them that she’ll pull the car around and Bill nods, Li doesn’t do anything however, He is listening to some gospel on an ipod.

Li:
I’m an atheist, But dang this music is motivating.

Bill:
You’re listening to Come to the Altar and you think it is motivating?

Li:
Yeah, Motivating to become a muslim.

Bill:
You mean Christian? That music is music you’d get baptised to anyhow.

Li:
No, My parents were muslim, and they kept saying I wouldn’t go to heaven--

Bill:
They believe in heaven? I thought that they believed that they would reincarnate into a toilet.

Li:
That’s Toiletism.

Bill:
I think Sara is into that.

Li:
Into that? You mean she worships the Toilet?

Bill:
Oh god that sounded wrong.

Li:
It really did, Dude, Do you judge Muslims or Toilets?

Bill (as Sara pulls the car around and they get Li in and then Bill gets in the car): Toilets?

Inside the car shot.

Sara:
So, Li, You got any family around here?

Bill:
Yeah, Li, You got any?

Li (laughing as he takes his earbuds out): No-one.

Li suddenly looks up, and Sara turns down the christian music.

Li:
What is up with Christian music? It always says “Him” and not God or Jesus. Jesus Christ, Mercyme, Just say God!

Bill:
God, you make Christian music sound like torture.

Li:
I think I have an estranged cousin around here.

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