The Somewhat Normal Life Of Li Gin (0.5 Draft) Page #14

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Dean:
GOD--

We cut to Li relaxing in a room with a TV, Amazon fire (connected to Alexa so he only has to use voice) and PS3. He's watching Spongebob.

Li:
Why did he not want to get fired again?

Lin walks in and places a plate of crab salad and several bags of chips and kool-aid boxes on the tray.

Lin:
Here’s lunch, and dinner.

Li (shoving the several fiesta size open bags of takis near his mouth): How many bags did you bring?

Lin:
Enough for a twelve-year-old to eat on and survive eating for several years, There are some more in the closet.

Li:
And how am I supposed to get to those?

Lin:
I’ll check on you every eight hours.

Li:
Really?

Lin:
I only sleep seven.

As she walks off, she says minutes and shuts the door.

Li:
Wait, LIN! How am I supposed to eat this crab salad?!

Lin:
It’s not for you.

A dog suddenly jumps on Li.

Brenda:
Lunch?

Li:
What the--

Brenda:
You never met a talking dog?

Li:
God this sounds like something out of that movie with the talking cat. Vic I think is her name?

Brenda:
Oh, Well, I’m a dog, so--

Brenda jumps on the tray and begins eating crab salad. Several other open bags of chips fall onto the ground.

Brenda:
Oopsie.

Li:
What’s your name anyway?

Brenda:
Bren, or really Brenda. Your sister thought I was a male dog, but god no.

Li:
She’s not my sister.

Brenda:
Oh, Y’all look like twins.

Li:
No we don’t.

Li shoves his face in a bag of takis and screams.

Li:
MY EYE!

Brenda:
You idiot. What did you do now?

Li:
My eye got hit by a chip!

Brenda:
Use your hands dumbo.

Li:
I can’t! I’m paralyzed!

Brenda:
You are? Then how are you watching TV?

Li:
Alexa.

Alexa says Yes? and Li says cancel.

Brenda:
Ah, She bought you an alexa? She bought me a cable box--

Li:
Yes, I know, I know, This is your room, but I need it more.

Brenda:
Oh, I’m not talking about that, I needed some company anyway, I’m talking about the cable box still!

Li:
Do you not shut up?

Brenda:
What does shut up mean?

Li:
I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that.

Brenda:
You’re gonna be here awhile ain’t ya?

Li:
I guess so.

Li begins chomping on chips.

Brenda (sarcasm): Could you eat a little louder please?

Li (getting louder): Sure.

Brenda:
Ugh.

Li:
UGH.

Brenda:
UGH!

Li:
UGH!

Brenda:
What are we doing?

Li:
I don’t know, I’m bored though. I’m getting tired of Tom Kenny’s laugh-- I mean Spongebob’s laugh.

Brenda:
Who’s Tom Kenny?

We cut to Chase, Sam, and Lo getting off the plane.

Lo (checking his phone): I got a message from Dave.

Chase:
What does it say?

Lo:
It turned out it was just a prank and that he just had to get bailed out of prison. He is trying to get a ticket but money isn’t very good in his case.

Sam:
Great. Shouldn’t we buy him one?

Lo:
You think I got money?

Chase:
I had to leech off Dave’s ticket, I can’t just go and--

We cut to them getting in a taxi.

Sam:
Where does Bill even live?

Lo:
Oh, He didn’t tell me that.

Sam:
He didn’t?

Lo:
No.

Sam:
Ugh.

As the taxi drives off, We cut to Dean writing before he stops, and takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol, and gets up.

Dean (stretching): Jesus Christ.

We cut to him walking down a street. Random people throw cans at him, saying YOUR MOVIE SUCKED! And DO A BETTER JOB ACTING!

Dean (screaming at a little kid who points at him and says bad): YOU COULDN’T DO ANY BETTER!

The little kid backs away (the kid starts crying to his mom).

Mom:
How dare you!

Dean:
How dare I? How dare you?!

A car randomly crashes onto the road.

Dean:
God?

The mom and child runs away as Dean walks off. The world randomly becomes a firey mess with cars crashed and destroyed buildings everywhere.

Dean:
It is like I’m writing my own life!

We cut to him writing, Dina walks in.

Dina:
Your dog is wanting you.

Dean:
Not now.

Dina:
Well I don’t know what to tell you.

Dean:
I’m writing the scene where I buy a car and crash it and then say Hey, I think I’ll write that Li Gin script!

Dina:
What is Li Gin?

Dean:
The greatest script written by the greatest writer writing the greatest script of himself.

Dina:
You’re crazy, Dean, You can’t just write a script about you writing a sequel to your other script.

Dean:
I can do whatever I want, Dina.

We cut to Bill in a doctor’s office, He scratches his head. Angie walks up to him.

Bill:
Are you Angie?

Angie:
Yeah.

Bill:
Your my wife’s aunt aren’t you?

Angie (nodding):
We haven’t met?

Bill:
No I don’t think we have.

Angie (sitting down): Huh.

Bill:
How’s your day going?

Angie:
Normal I suppose.

Bill:
So the usual?

Angie (chuckling): Yeah, The usual.

We cut to Li sitting in a chair in a doctor’s room. Dr. Xavier walks in with a clipboard and a sheet of paper on it.

Xavier:
Well, Li, You’re a basket case.

Li:
What does that mean?

Xavier:
I say that when someone’s health is in the trash, You have the highest blood pressure I’ve seen in my 39 years of being a doctor, You should be dead right now! Deader than dead! You have heart disease, but the good news--

Li:
There’s good news?

Xavier:
You don’t have diabetes.

Li:
But I have heart disease still? How’s--

Xavier (nodding): Yes, Yes, but there’s better news.

Li (grunting):
Better news? Haven’t heard that one before.

Xavier:
You may become unparalyzed.

Li:
What?

Xavier:
You shouldn’t even be paralyzed fully, Your arms still show use, your neck shows heavy movement usage, You can still use your arms and move your head more than you can.

Li:
Look doc, I can move my neck and arms, but only about two centimeters.

Xavier:
Oh, Well, You’re just so miserable aren’t ya?

Li:
I suppose I am.

Xavier:
You suppose?

Li:
Yeah.

Xavier (taking his glasses off): It is a yes or no question, Devin.

Li:
Who’s Devin?

Xavier:
Ugh, Cut! Cut!

Li:
What are you talking about?

The set is put down as Dean walks in and sighs.

Dean:
Come on fools! Get it together!

Xavier (coughing): I don’t feel so good.

Dean:
We gotta get it together! Ugh!

Dean begins banging his head on Li’s chair.

Li:
I could’ve fixed that scene, I swear--

We cut back to Dean rewriting in the director’s chair, Angie’s actress, who’s named Angie, walks up to him.

Angie:
I get more lines, Deanie boi?

Dean:
Don’t call me that, and no, Angie, You got less lines actually.

Angie:
Are you kidding me?

Dean:
No, I’m not.

Angie:
I’m your wife’s sister and this is all you can give me?!

Dean:
What? You think you’re entitled to a more prominent role just because you’re related to my wife?! Who do you think you are?! Dina doesn’t even have a role so you better calm down!

Dean throws the script down and walks out of the chair.

Dean:
I should’ve cast Dina as your character instead.

Angie:
YOU STINK!

We cut to Dean writing, He is muttering what he is typing about, which happens to now be a scene about Chase, Lo, and Sam. A power outage then occurs.

Dean:
GOD--

Dean gets up and checks his watch. He then throws it at the wall, and he then goes to sleep in his bed. We then cut to him dreaming about a farm, He walks in the farmhouse, and a whole bunch of ripped out pages are on the ground as a pitchfork falls right in front of him, causing him to gulp and stumble backwards. He then hears a baby crying.

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