The Squeeze Page #4

down there.

Feel free.

I can help.

I don't work for free.

Aah. Is that what

you're after, a job?

If you care what happened to Hilda,

I think you need me.

Hey, do me a favor, all right?

You aren't exactly blowing me out of the water

with your abilities so far, Rachel.

- You're a little tense for me.

- I'm not tense. I'm perfectly normal!

Fine. You're not tense, I'm not tense,

nobody's tense. Everybody's normal.

Does a black box about

this big strike any sparks?

You know what it is?

I know its value in human life.

Come here.

You see this woman down in the corner?

You know her?

Where?

Right there.

The one in black.

I don't know her.

Well, she's a contender for the

popular black box herself, all right?

I'll tell you what we'll do.

If you can find out how she

fits into this whole deal,

you've got yourself a job.

Is this a test?

Yeah.

Yeah?

It's a test.

Okay.

Okay.

We've got a common interest,

you and I.

Something for a computer.

You got the wrong party.

Either you deal now

or you hang later.

Oye! Harry, baby.

Two words.

Dos palabras.

"It's done,"

or "It's finished."

That's all I want to hear,

Harry, two magic words.

Not now.

(GASPS)

You're fired.

Harry, I'm getting rid of that,

that hunk of junk of a half-lizard tomorrow.

You're making me crazy.

Tu me esta haciendo loco.

Great. Don't touch...

I'll knock you out if you touch my...

Why would I be wanting

to buy a computer?

I can't even work

the money machine at my bank.

You could get money

off a naked wino.

How sweet.

However, I've got nothing

to tell you about a computer,

but I know somebody

that will talk to you.

He doesn't have much

to talk about,

but he sure has

a sense of mood about him.

What do you want?

Rachel here,

she's a computer freak.

Is that right?

Titus here is a freak.

You two should

get together sometime.

I'm going to scream!

Titus would love that.

Let me tell you something

about Titus here.

He's what you call righteous.

In other words,

he believes in what he does.

Well let me tell you

something about me.

I'm what you call unstable.

I've got a condition

so unpredictable,

so dangerous,

that the police don't even

have a name for it.

And I've got a gun pointed

right at your private parts,

so you better back out

of this booth right now.

Get!

Go!

Come on, Ruben!

I've got big problems.

Join the club, baby. I've got

a great big ass and no head.

Ruben, you've had that problem

your whole life.

MAN:
Whoa, gun!

Back off!

Stop it! Go!

I'm telling you I'm unstable!

Now go!

Aah!

(GUNSHOT)

(CROWD SCREAMING)

Rachel! Hey!

(SCREAMS)

RACHEL:
Oh!

Let me go!

Ow!

HARRY:
Come on, jump!

Aah!

RACHEL:
Where are we going?

Harry! Oh!

(COUGHING)

Now, you know how

to leave a party, babe.

Come on, let's go.

(SIRENS)

Come on.

Oh, okay.

You got the job.

Come here.

We didn't discuss terms.

Well, you can work at my place

five nights a week.

Aah!

Whoa!

Still there?

Come on!

Jump over it!

Come on, baby!

Oh, excuse me,

excuse me! Oh, oh!

Come on!

(FERRY WHISTLE BLOWS)

Wait, wait!

I'll stall them so they

can't get on the boat.

Wait! No, Harry!

Harry, come back!

I'll make it!

Don't worry!

Hurry up!

Harry, no! Come on!

That ought to hold them.

Get him!

Come on, come on!

Come on!

Don't worry about me!

Stop! Aah!

Okay, worry!

(FERRY WHISTLE BLOWS)

(GRUNTING)

Come on, box.

Oh, thank God.

(MUSIC PLAYS)

Hello.

What the hell

are you doing here?

Hey, let me tell you something.

I'm not real crazy

about walking into my house

and seeing somebody here

who just walked in the...

(MUFFLED)

door.

Honey, I'm home.

I love your cologne.

Thanks. It's the East River.

Oh, yeah.

This is Tom T. Murray

speaking to you

from this tropical paradise

to tell you

about a special drawing

September 5th, aboard the

aircraft carrier Intrepid.

It's tomorrow night, where

you can win $56 million.

Be there tomorrow night and win!

(MOANS AND SQUEALS OF PASSION)

HARRY:
And then when I was in the sixth grade,

I had another teacher...

(MORE CRIES OF PASSION

FROM GEM)

GEM:
What's the matter?

HARRY:
It's stuck.

GEM:
That's ridiculous.

HARRY:
I know it's ridiculous, but it's really stuck.

HARRY:
Just wait a minute,

I can make this work.

Wait a minute.

Would you wait a minute?

The chemicals in the river

must have corroded my zipper.

I can't get it down.

GEM:
I've heard of not getting it up,

but not getting it down?

I'm telling you, this has never

happened to me before.

Oh, that's what they all say!

Harry!

Harry, you're an animal.

You're an animal.

Harry!

Just a minute.

Don't start without me.

GEM:
Oh, Harry.

Harry!

God damn river.

RACHEL:
Harry!

Wh...? Oh!

Rache, hi!

I thought you had drowned.

I'm so happy to see you.

Yeah.

You're okay?

What are you doing?

I'm just so excited to see you.

I can't,

I can't believe you're...

What's the matter?

Oh, yeah, my...

My toaster broke.

Did you get the toaster fixed?

She knows a lot about rewiring.

Slime.

Rache!

Sh*t.

Hey! Do you know how hard it is to get

a repairman out at this time of night?

Come on.

Wait a minute! Rache!

What?

Look, I think you got the wrong impression

about what was going on up there.

I just spent a roundtrip to Staten Island

thinking you had drowned, and you're up here

playing the bump and grind

with that... that...

Electrician?

I thought you were sincere about

finding out what happened to Hilda.

You've got the sincerity

and the scruples of a mutt in heat!

All right, maybe you didn't

get the wrong impression,

but that's not

what you think it was.

What was that?

What, that?

That.

That's tactics.

I call it slime.

See... See, you know what? I knew you didn't have

the stomach for this line of work.

I knew it.

Be in my office

at 11:
00.

Bring the box,

and don't be late.

11:
00? I don't even get up

until noon.

Gem.

Come on down here.

Let's talk this over.

Gem.

How could I be such a jerk?

Damn it!

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Harry?

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Harry, it's me, Hilda. I'm in Acapulco.

What the hell are you doing

in Acapulco?

Harry, did you get the box,

the package from my apartment?

Yeah, I got the box. No, I don't have it now.

Let me tell you something...

Stay away from it.

It's very, very dangerous.

The people involved are extremely nasty.

No kidding. You already set me up once.

I hear you. I...

Now don't get sucked in

by the money.

If you're dead,

you can't spend the millions.

Hilda, did you say millions?

Oh yeah. I never told you

about that, did I?

It's a long story, Harry.

(STATIC)

Hilda, hold on a minute.

I can't hear you. Operator?

Harry. Harry?

Hello?

- You're fading out. Hilda!

- Harry?

Operator?

Operator, can you...?

(OPERATOR SPEAKING SPANISH)

Hilda?

(OPERATOR SPEAKING SPANISH)

(DIAL TONE)

Did she say millions?

Fired? In another hour

he's bringing it to me.

- You can't fire me now!

- I'm sorry. That's the way it is.

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