The Stooge Page #4

---

lsn't that silly?

l know you're not my mother

because my mother's a woman,

and you don't look

anything like my mother.

Besides, my mother

isn't married to Mary.

That's the most ridiculous thing

l ever heard, Mr. Miller.

You could no more be

my mother than...

All right, go to sleep. l'll sing to you.

Gee, thanks.

With my eyes wide open

l'm dreaming

Can it be true

l'm holding you

Close to my heart?

With my eyes wide open

l'm dreaming

You're with me now

Sharing a vow

Never to part

l'm so afraid to close my eyes

Afraid that l'll find

This lovely thrill is just

A silly illusion

With my eyes wide open

l'm dreaming

Do l deserve such a break?

Pinch me to prove l'm awake

l can't believe that you're really

Mine

l feel a song coming on

And l'm warning you, it's a victorious

Happy and glorious strain

l feel a song coming on

lt's a melody full of the laughter

Of children out after the rain

- And now

- And now

- That our troubles are gone

- That our troubles are gone

Let those heavenly drums

Go on drumming

'Cause l feel a song coming on

Now, you'll be all right.

There.

Hi, Pop. Did Mr. Miller get back

from the party yet?

He sure did.

Bill. l got him.

- There you are.

- Take your hands off of me.

l'll take care of him, Pop.

How much time we got?

About six minutes. Heinz is on now.

We don't have much time.

We gotta work fast.

- Let go of me...

- l'll get some black coffee.

OK.

Come on, stop. l know it,

l gotta get dressed and l gotta go on.

Don't ''shush'' me.

What, are you taking over?

What, are you head man

or something?

Bill, take it easy, Bill, will you?

Snap out of it.

- We're going on in five minutes.

- l'm ready right now.

Here, l'll help you.

l'll help you dress, Bill.

- Here's the coffee.

- Oh, thank you.

- Coffee, Mr. Winston?

- No. Fine.

- Stewed to the gills.

- Oh, no, sir. He's just tired.

Tired? He's paralyzed.

Tell Heinz to stall. Hurry up.

- Come on, snap out of it, Bill.

- Rogers, he'll never make it.

You'll have to go out there alone

and do something.

Me, alone? l can't. What'll l do?

Do anything.

You're an actor, aren't you?

l am?

What're you gonna do with that?

Well, in case anyone throws anything,

l can hide behind it.

Gee, Mr. Winston, l'm sorry about

Mr. Miller. He's never...

- What is it?

- Heinz stole three more bows.

- He can't stall any longer.

- Come on, boy.

He's never done that before.

l don't think you know

what you're doing.

Never mind. Get out there.

Hello.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

l call you ladies and gentlemen.

You know what you are.

l know you're out there.

l can hear you breathing.

Stop that!

You're not supposed to laugh at me.

l'm not Bill Miller. He sings like a bird.

l sing like a bird too, a vulture.

l said, stop it.

You're not supposed to laugh at me.

l only came out here to tell you

what Bill Miller does.

He tells a lot of funny jokes,

like the one about living over at

the hotel. He has a beautiful room.

l have one too,

that overlooks the park.

As a matter of fact,

it overlooks it completely.

lt's a lot like from where

l come from, in Brooklyn.

l come from a very tough

neighborhood in Brooklyn.

l was sort of head of the block.

Yeah, they all called me ''Blockhead''.

Would you like to hear me

sing a song?

Would you please play

some music for me?

Wait a minute.

Hey, you. Where do you think

you're going, mister? Sit down, there.

- You can't walk out of here.

- But l have...

No, you can't walk out on Bill Miller's

act, even when he isn't acting.

What do you want to do,

give us a bad name? Sit down.

- But l have to...

- Oh, l don't care. You sit down there.

There too. Now, you stay there,

and nobody else try and walk out of

the theater, while l sing for Bill Miller.

Where's my accordion?

Don't shush, quiet me.

l've got to go on there.

You're on now, and doing great.

What?

Every little breeze

Seems to whisper ''Louise''

Birds in the trees seem

To twitter ''Louise''

Each little rose

Tells me it knows

l love you

Love you

Every little beat

That l feel in my heart

Seems to repeat

What l felt from the start

Each little sigh

Tells me that l

Adore you, Louise

Just to see and hear you

Brings joy l never knew

But to be so near you

Thrills me through and through

Anyone can see

Why l wanted your kiss

lt had to be

But the wonder is this

Can it be true

Someone like you

Someone like you

Could love me

Louise?

Louise!

- Where's Bill?

- Bill's OK.

- Smoke?

- No, thanks. They make me cough

- even when l look at them.

- Say, you're a pretty funny fellow.

- What's your name?

- Rogers. Ted Rogers.

l've been wondering.

l didn't see you billed anywhere.

- Oh, l don't care.

- You make the act.

- How much does he pay you a week?

- Enough.

Does he get plastered

like this very often?

He never gets plastered,

and he ain't plastered now.

Boy, you sure are touchy.

l'm just trying to pay you a compliment.

l figured that sometime if you ever get

tired of no dough and no billing,

- you can always...

- Now, wait a minute, Mr. Heinz,

you can't say anything

against Bill Miller.

He took me out of a stockroom, see?

l was only getting $1 5 a week, see?

- But l'm only trying to...

- And now l'm getting $40, see?

- How are you, Bill?

- Get your hands away from me.

You know where you're going?

You're going back to Brooklyn.

That's where you're going.

Back to Brooklyn.

- Take it easy, Bill.

- Get your hands away from me.

l know what l'm doing.

Take it easy.

He's resting.

Boy, can he use it.

Do you think we should call

a doctor or something?

Why not use a blotter? l'll call a cab.

Thanks. Mr. Winston...

...you won't tell anybody...

...that he was sick, will you?

Don't worry, l've had actors

getting sick on me before.

- Thanks.

- Thank you.

Good thing you went out there.

You sure you never did

a single before?

l never did nothing before...

...and l'm never gonna

do nothing again.

Just a minute.

Just a minute, buddy.

What do you think you're doing?

Just a second, buddy.

What do you think you're doing...?

Well, shut up.

l'm having enough trouble.

Hello. Hello. Who?

- l feel like a feather in the breeze

- No, he isn't in. Wait just a minute.

Hello? Mary?

Hello, how are you?

Just a minute. Just a minute.

Hello, Mary, how are you?

This is Ted.

Hello, Ted. Fine, thanks.

Say, l've bean reading about you.

Oh, yeah.

- ls Bill there?

- Bill? Oh, he's fine.

- ls he out?

- ls he out?

Yeah, he's out.

Oh, l mean, he's out playing a benefit,

Mary, for some society.

Yeah, he's fine.

All right, l'll tell him.

All right, Mary. Bye.

Good night.

''Sensational. Bill Miller,

exclusive management, Leo Lyman.''

That's a beautiful ad,

and the picture looks just like you.

What did Mary say last night?

Oh, nothing. l mean, she just wanted

to know how you were,

et cetera, and so forth.

- What did you say?

- l said that you hadn't come in yet,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes