The Stooge Page #5

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that you were playing a benefit.

Oh, you mean you covered for me?

l hope l didn't say the wrong thing.

- Wrong thing?

- You're not mad?

- No, l'm not mad. Thanks.

- We're friends?

We're friends.

- Get that, will you, kid?

- Yeah.

- What happened?

- My leg fell asleep.

- Hello.

- Surprise.

Well, Leo, what's the good word?

l was gonna send you a wire

but l figured it would be better

if l came down myself to Pittsburgh

to tell you the good news.

You know, you're not the only

one that's a ham.

The Palace, New York.

That's right. Next Thursday.

Oh, boy, now my mother can come

and see me for free.

Oh, yes, there's another thing,

in case you're forgetting it.

- Thursday is also Mary's birthday.

- That's right.

What other agent could arrange

for things like that?

How did you arrange to have

Mary born on Thursday?

Give me the coat.

- Let go. Let go.

- l'm not touching it.

Are you crazy?

You sewed it to the jacket.

l'm sorry, Mr. Miller.

lt'll only take a second.

l'm sure glad you reminded me

of Mary's birthday.

Yeah.

Listen, kid, when you get that button

straight, send this off to Mary.

- And send some roses too.

- Yes, sir.

Leo, let's get some coffee

and talk money.

How could you find a subject

so close to my heart?

''Mrs. Bill Miller, 1 1 5 East 54th Street,

New York, New York.

''Home for your birthday.

Big surprise. Bill.''

''Darling Mary.

''Home for your birthday.

Big surprise.

''l love you. Bill.

''P.S.

''Love from the kid.''

All right, open your eyes.

Happy birthday.

Oh, Bill, what a wonderful present.

You're playing the Palace.

- l'm so proud of you.

- And they said l couldn't do a single.

Well, there you are.

Oh, by the way, honey,

l want you to have

a big birthday party tonight.

lnvite all the guys that said l couldn't

make it, and some of your friends.

- How about that?

- That's fine, just fine.

Oh, and l have something else, Mary.

l wrote a song for you on the train.

l wrote the words.

Bill wrote the music.

''A Girl Named Mary''.

Why, thank you, Ted. l know l'll love it.

Come on, let's go, Mary.

- Oh, yes.

- Come on, kid.

- William.

- Well, Ben.

- Hello, Mary.

- Hello, Ben.

- What are you doing here?

- Here's where l lost you.

Here's where l pick you up again.

Hello, Ted.

You've developed into

quite an actor.

Look, Mary, l'm going back to take

a look at my dressing room.

- Now, you stay here with Ben.

- All right.

When l come back, l'll buy you lunch.

Come on, kid.

Wanna tell Uncle Ben?

Well, don't you think he should have

Ted's name around here somewhere?

Well, you know, l've got a sneaking

feeling he's saving that grand gesture

until he's a big hit

here at the Palace.

- You really think so?

- Sure.

Yeah, this looks all right.

Put the stuff here.

Now, get some lunch

and l'll see you later, kid.

Thank you.

Come in.

- Oh...

- Hello, handsome.

Gee, l'm glad you made good.

- ls that so?

- Sure. l've been following your tour.

- What for?

- Because l think you're cute.

Why isn't your picture in the lobby?

You're pretty fresh, ain't you?

How did you get in here?

l told the doorman l was your girl.

My girl. What are you trying to do,

ruin me? You get out of here.

lt ain't right for you to be

in my dressing room.

l mean, Mr. Miller's dressing room.

OK, l'm going.

But when you start thinking about girls,

l want you to think about me.

- l ain't gonna think about girls.

- You shave, don't you?

Yeah, l started to shave.

You'll be thinking about them.

So long.

Hello, handsome. Hello, handsome.

Hello, handsome. Hello, handsome.

Come with me to the Casbah.

Come with me to the Casbah.

''Hi, cutie, in case you want to return

this handbag,

''my phone number is Dewey 6-9098.

''My address is

642 Greenpoint Avenue.

''You take the shuttle at 42nd Street,

''change at Grand Central Station,

''take Williamsburg subway

to Brooklyn.

''Get off at Havenhurst.

Then walk three blocks south.

''Second apartment house on the left,

third floor on the right.

''And if you get lost,

ask a policeman.

''But for the next hour, l'll be in

the drugstore around the corner.''

- Hey, wait a minute!

- What is it?

Don't you want your soda?

This is a very funny way for a lady

to try and meet a fellow,

leave her purse on the seat

and then come next door...

Well, l just wanted to meet you.

Well, why don't you get

yourself introduced?

Oh, excuse me.

My name's Jennie Tait

and this fellow's name is...

What did you say your name was?

Ted Rogers.

Would you please introduce us?

- Mr. Rogers?

- Yeah?

May l present Miss Genevieve Tait.

Pleased to meet you.

Now, will you have your soda?

How did you know l like chocolate?

Did anyone ever tell you

you're adorable?

No.

Well, you are.

You might not believe this,

but l was a very ugly child.

Stop looking at the watch, Mary.

He'll be here.

Look at the kid.

Oh, Frecklehead... l mean, Miss Tait,

this is Mrs. Miller

and this is Mr. Lyman.

Hello.

- Did l do it all right?

- You certainly did.

- Happy to know you, Miss Tait.

- Hello.

Her name is really Genevieve,

but l think it best we all call her

Frecklehead.

- OK, Frecklehead.

- Frecklehead.

ls it all right that l brought her

to the party?

Of course. l'm delighted to have her.

l'm glad of that, Mrs. Miller.

Congratulations on your birthday.

Why, thank you. Have a nice time.

Thank you, we will.

Genevieve... Frecklehead.

- Gee, she's nice.

- And pretty.

You're pretty too.

- Did you always have freckles?

- Yes, and l hate them.

l think they're very becoming.

lt just goes to show what you know.

What do you wanna do,

start something?

l'm sorry, Leo.

You know he wouldn't stay away

unless it was someone

or something very important, Mary.

lt's always someone or something.

Leo, you've known him for so long.

Why is he so thoughtless of everyone?

He's just going through

a stage now, Mary.

He just hit ''Ol' Man River'' success,

and maybe the water's a little bit

too deep for him.

But don't worry.

They all come ashore.

l know this is just ambition.

Down deep inside,

there's a wonderful, sweet guy.

l found it once

and l'll bring it out again.

Oh, l'm sorry. Let's have a drink.

To Mary and Bill.

He wouldn't like the billing.

This is where l live.

Well...

...good night.

l had a wonderful time.

Well, good night. l'll see you.

l hope so.

Thanks for everything.

That's all right.

Frecklehead, you know l...

- l wonder...

- Yes?

Well, l never kissed

a girl before, and...

- Well...

- You never what?

You heard me. l never kissed a girl

before in my whole life.

- You're sure?

- Sure, l'm sure.

- Never mind.

- Just a minute.

- l'm never gonna do that again.

- Did it do something to you?

lt had no effect on me whatsoever.

Mary.

Mary.

l'm sorry l missed the party, honey,

but l couldn't help it.

Oh, Mary, please don't cry.

l love you, honey. Honest, l do.

But l was so excited. l want to tell you

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