The Stooge Page #6

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about Sutherland and everything.

l don't care about you

or Sutherland or anyone.

But he wants me in the revue, honey.

He gave me a contract to look over.

Here, look under the door.

l'll show it to you.

- OK.

- What's the matter?

She locked me out.

Really? ls that legal?

l'm sorry. You don't have to get sore.

l was just asking.

You know, you may not think that

in this head anything can happen,

but it can. l got an idea. Listen.

- You got it?

- Yeah.

l'm sorry.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

a new song written by

two very talented boys,

especially for the birthday

of Mrs. Bill Miller.

The world looks rosy

Up on Sweetheart Hill

For a girl named Mary

And a boy named Bill

''Come on, get cozy''

Says the whippoorwill

To a girl named Mary

And a boy named Bill

Where there's a sky

That's full of moonlight

And a Mary full of charms

There ought to be a William

Snuggled in her arms

So if l kiss you

And l think l will

Believe me, it's the only thing

To do

For you're my Mary

And l'm your Bill

And it's wonderful

To be in love with you

Oh, Bill.

Mrs. Miller, we're going out

and celebrating.

- At this hour?

- Sure. l'll find a club open

- or l'll open one.

- Now, what would people say?

A big star seen out in public

with his own wife. lt's too normal.

We'll take Ted along

as a chaperone.

Oh, l can't help it, it's so romantic.

Waiter, some more

champagne, please.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me.

- Don't you think Ted's had enough?

- He's all right.

- Are you whispering about me?

- Oh, no. What gives you that idea?

l don't know.

Am l being very extraordinary?

''Hextraordinary'', that's a funny one.

How do you feel?

l feel very...

...glingglong, thank you.

Glingglong?

Thank you, thank you very much.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

We don't usually do this,

but there's a young man

here l'd like to have you meet.

He's just scored a terrific hit

at the Palace Theatre. Mr. Bill Miller!

Thank you.

Excuse me, will you, honey?

Thank you, Tommy.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you,

but this isn't my night at all.

We have a young lady in the audience

who's celebrating her birthday.

And by a very strange coincidence,

l have written a new song,

especially for her.

And maybe we can get her up here

to sing this song.

She happens to be my wife,

and also the great

Sutherland Revue star,

Miss Mary Turner.

- Hiya, Big Shot.

- Hiya, Heinz.

Pardon me.

Mary, you say something sensational

to the people

and l'll talk with the piano player.

Thank you. lt's very gracious

of my husband

to ask me to sing a song, particularly

this song, ''A Girl Named Mary''.

Music by Bill Miller,

words by Ted Rogers.

- The world looks rosy

- Oh, what a rosy-colored hue

- Up on Sweetheart Hill

- Even a cabaret will do

- For a girl named Mary

- Mary is what l answer to

And a boy named Bill

Well, what do you know,

that must be you

- ''Come on, get cozy''

- Oh, what a wonderful idea

- Says the whippoorwill

- How did he ever get in here?

- To a girl named Mary

- My, what a most peculiar sky

- And a boy named Bill

- Pardon me, did you drop a sigh?

Where there's a sky

That's full of moonlight

And a Mary full of charms

There really ought to be a William

- Right!

- Snuggled in her arms

- So if l kiss you

- What makes you think you won't?

- And l think that l will

- You're crazy if you don't

Believe me, it's the only thing to do

So true

For you're my Mary

And you're my Bill

Your Bill

And it's wonderful

To be in love with you

Hello, Heinz.

Oh, you'd better not drink any more.

lf l want to celebrate for my pal Bill,

l can celebrate.

This is for your own good.

Come over here with me.

l want to tell you something, alone.

Come on, come on, come on.

Believe me, it's the only thing do

- For you're my Mary

- Mary, yes

And you're my Bill

And it's wonderful

To be in love

With you

- Where's Ted?

- l don't know.

Look, get smart, will you, kid?

lf anything happens to you, your pal

Bill, he's gonna starve to death.

Why, he's nothing but a third-rate,

broken-down ham.

Hey, what happened?

Are you all right, kid?

- Yeah.

- You sure?

He never touched me.

l took care of him pretty good.

You were wonderful.

Yeah, but l had to hold back a little.

l didn't want to hurt him too bad.

- Sure, sure.

- Here, off with the coat.

- Come on.

- Off with the coat.

A girl named Mary

ls not contrary

- l'll turn the covers down.

- She'll turn the covers down.

- You'll go right to bed.

- Bed? What's playing there?

You think l'm drunk.

Well, as they say in the Klondike,

- ''Fara-a-lito-garn-a-lendo.''

- Garn-a-lendo.

You know what that means?

''Stinking drunk.''

- So let's have a little drink.

- Oh, no, oh, no. You're going to bed.

- Going to bed?

- Sure, you're going to bed.

l don't know anybody in bed.

- Here we go.

- Here we go.

- Here we go...

- Come on, come on.

- Here we go.

- Here we go.

- That's a wonderful song.

- Oh, a beautiful song.

A boy named Mary

And a girl called Joe

- Joe?

- That's a wonderful song.

Bill love Mary?

That's right.

Mary love Bill?

That's right.

Because l love the both of you.

Don't you believe me?

- Yeah.

- Yes.

Bill, you're the luckiest fellow

in the whole world

- because Mary loves you.

- Yeah, l'm lucky.

lf Mary loved me,

l wouldn't ever leave her.

- l wouldn't either.

- Never leave her.

l'll never leave her.

Even if l was on the stage,

l wouldn't ever leave her.

And l know that.

Because Mary's wonderful, Bill.

- You're wonderful, Mary.

- Thank you, Ted.

Yeah, Mary's a champ.

And you'll never ever

you'll leave her?

l'll never you'll ever you'll leave her.

- You're sure, Bill?

- l'm sure, Bill.

- No, l'm Ted.

- Yeah.

A girl named Mary

Ted.

Ted.

- Wake up.

- l'm up.

- Come on.

- l'm up.

- Get up. Come on, let's go.

- All right.

- Let's go, Ted.

- Let's go, Ted.

- Come on, Ted, let's go.

- Let's go.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

OK.

- No, here we go.

- Here we go.

- Come on, here we go. Wake up.

- Come on, here we go.

- Come on. Here we go.

- Here we go.

- All right, now, are you OK?

- Here we go.

OK. Ted. Here we go.

Come on, now.

- What's the matter?

- What's that?

Oh, that's your head. That's OK.

Now, stay right there. Hold it.

Here's some coffee. lt'll fix you up.

Ted! Here we go, now! Come on, up.

- Upsy-daisy, here we go.

- Oh, my head!

That's mine.

Now, come on. l gotta see Sutherland

and l'm late now.

- Oh, who?

- Sutherland.

- Now, come on, let's go.

- All right.

- Are you all right? OK!

- OK.

- You sure you're all right?

- l'm sure l'm all right.

- You feel fine?

- l feel fine.

- You feel OK?

- l feel OK.

- All right.

- All right. l'm OK. l'm OK!

Sorry, gentlemen.

- Excuse me.

- Oh, excuse me, Mr. Sutherland.

lt looks OK to me, Bill.

- OK?

- Yeah.

- Where do l sign?

- Right here.

Don't you want to read it first?

Check on your salary?

There'll be no checks.

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