The Taqwacores Page #3

- Hey, uh hey, hey, hey.

- Sweet bro.

I'm gonna stay back, okay?

I gotta .

No, it's not like that.

I'm just gonna stay back.

Alright then, I'll just get

the forties

and the blunts and the condoms

- don't tell her you got herpes.

- Leave me alone.

Hey.

Hi. As'salaamu alaikum.

Wa alaikum as-salaam.

Fasiq's awesome, isn't he?

What a great khutba.

Yeah, it was really out there.

So is Jehangir having another one of his parties tonight?

Yeah, InshAllah

So cool.

Friday afternoons all these

Muslims come out for khutbas

and then at night the punks

come in for beer and ass.

I dont really think theyre Muslims though.

Why would you say that?

No, I mean like, from a

traditional stand point.

Personally, Im not big on the

whole Islam is one way approach.

What do you mean?

I believe in Allah, you know?

I just, I dont always call it Allah.

I pray the way I want to pray.

Sometimes itll be in a church and sometimes on a rug.

Interesting.

Sorry, I dont know

- No. - its hard to explain, sometimes.

- Its okay.

Its fine.

So, do you consider yourself a Muslim?

I dont know. Why dont you call

Allah and ask him yourself.

Good one.

Oh, my rides here.

Ill see you tonight.

- Okay.

- Salaam.

- Oh oh oh, Yusef!

- Hi.

You have to meet Fatima.

Fatima, this is Yusef.

Hi.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Im Yusef.

Fatima just came back from San Francisco.

She was doing a documentary on the gay Muslim conference out there.

Yeah, was is right. I thought it

was going to be this crazy scene but

youd be surprised how fundy some of those dudes were out there.

What do you mean?

Well like, okay theyre totally strict about prayers and everything.

And a lot of them will tell you straight up that gay sex is sin.

Could you imagine juggling that in your life?

Okay, but there was this awesome kid a guy named Muzzamil.

And hes starting his freshman year at UB in the fall.

So Im going to introduce you guys when he gets here.

I think youll really like him.

Um, did you know those

have pork gelatin in them?

Pork Gelatin!

Sorry

Theyre halal you b*tch.

I think, uh, Rabeyas mad at me.

Are you okay?

Did I ever tell you I

grew up in a house full of women?

No, I dont think so.

Worked out.

Always works out.

Just give me one little kiss.

Did you meet that girl Fatima?

Yes, I met Fatima.

Its funny you should mention Fatima.

Why?

Because, um

So, uh were making out and whatever.

And uh I go for her tits.

And thats cool and shes cool.

So I put my hands between her legs.

I mean, shes liking it so

I go to unbutton her jeans.

And the next thing I know shes putting her hand over

mine, and Im thinking f***, thats it, its done.

And she just looks at me and you

know what she says?

Sorry if this is a dumb question

but if you were to, uh uh and she couldnt even get

the f***ing words out man.

So Im like, finger you?

And she goes, yeah.

Would that break the hyme n?

YUSEF Wow.

Cmon what can you do after that, if I would have done

sh*t I would have felt like a f***ing child molester

F***. Thats my jihad man.

Jihad?

The struggle between me and my nuts.

Greatest struggle, right?

Jihad against your nuts?

Yusef.

- Oh, hey. - Hi.

- Hi.

- How ya doing?

- Im good, how are you?

- Good.

Glad you could make it.

Oh, I live here.

Oh.

Oh my God, thats right.

Duh.

Its a crazy house.

YUSEF Yeah, its crazy.

Hes drunk

You should give me a tour.

Thats the kitchen.

Rabeyas room is on the other side.

Upstairs bathroom and Fasiqs

room is around the corner.

So Yusef, are you a punk too?

Me? No.

Not really.

Well, maybe Straight edge.

Maybe, yeah.

So wheres your room?

- Wow Yusef.

- Yeah.

Its not as cool

as everyone elses.

- Its very nice.

- Thank you.

Is everybody else

as clean as you are?

Umars pretty neat.

- Pakistan, right?

- Yep.

I know my flags.

So have you ever been there?

I spent a summer there when I was ten.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

- How was it?

It was a different planet.

I can imagine.

Yeah, sometimes, you know I dont know where I feel more

What the f***?

Nothing.

- This isnt your first time with a girl, is it?

No, Ive been with many girls.

I think it is.

- Lots and lots and lots of girls. Ive

You know, I have a question for you. Wheres the romance in Islam?

Romance?

Yeah, passion Yusef

Passion. Well, uh, you get, uh

you, you date after youre married.

Yeah, its really hard to explain

But thats the Islamic way?

Yes. I guess so.

That doesnt make any sense to me.

Well, making out with random guys,drunk,

at a party doesnt make sense to me.

Yeah, I hear ya on that one.

Whats your major again?

- Engineering. - Okay, why?

What, because, I dont know. What are you talking about?

Is that something you are passionate about?

Or is it something your parents want you to do?

What are you talking about? Dont assume you

know anything about me. cause you dont.

God, bullshit Yusef! You have a penis, a dick

in those pants. I know that you do. - What?

You do, you cant hide it, Yusef!

You know what,

youre messed up, okay?

Im messed up?

Yeah youre messed up.

you know, were you ever a Muslim at all?

Come in.

Yusef.

How are you?

Man, theres puke

and piss everywhere.

Oh Im sorry, I I can

help you clean it up.

Im gonna go get ready

for isha Wanna join me?

What the f***!?

Yo, what up, dude?

F***ing junkie piece of sh*t!

Umar, stop. Umar, youre choking him!

I could kill you, right now! What the f*** could you you do?!

Wheres your hidden imam now? Shiite piece of sh*t!

Hes choking!

You wanna f*** in my bed, dirty f***!?

Come on, Umar!

Let him go, let him go, let him go!

F***!

Crazy f***!

Mother f***, Mother f***! Whatd you say to me?! Hey back when

Mustafa was here nobody was f***ing in my bed, you piece of sh*t!

F***!

Hi. This is Yusef. Sorry that I cant answer the phone right now. Please leave a message

Yusef bitta, where are you? Why you taking days to return my call?

Is everything okay? Please call me back, youre fathers getting upset. Khudhafiz.

Umars a f***ing cock.

Yeah he is.

I mean a f***ing cock.

Yeah.

The house aint the same without Amazing Ayyub,

man, Ill tell ya that. Miss that f***ing guy.

InshAllah hell be back.

InshAllah. Alright, now hit me one deep alright.

Same way I told you though.

Alright.

Okay, ready? Go.

Sorry!

Last night I had a dream I was ah

drinking with Johnny Cash.

Really?

Yeah. You ever listen to Johnny Cash?

No. I dont listen to country.

No, Johnny Cash isnt country, man. Johnny Cash is bigger than country.

Johnny Cash is the f***ing sh*t man. Johnny Cash rules the world!

Well, I didnt know that.

You didnt know man, now you know.

So what was the dream about?

We were in a bar, sitting on a pair

of stools, downing shots. Laughing.

And I just wished I could be him so

f***ing bad, man.

I wanted to be Johnny

Cash more than anything.

He was just sitting there and he

was so f***ing old and withered.

See 10,000 years of pain and life in his face.

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