The Taqwacores Page #4

I was hurting on the inside

so bad man, so f***ing bad.

I wanted to be him so f***ing bad.

A f***ing every man

beyond time and place.

Thats what he is.

I cant be that guy, you know.

Just talks to everybody.

Too wrapped up in my mixmatching

of disenfranchised subcultures man.

Damn.

Yeah, Im small.

F***ing small.

F***ing small.

Im really gonna do it man.

Do what?

Put on a show.

Yeah, a punk show,

a Muslim punk show.

Call the taqwacore bands out west.

Find a date when they can all make it.

I think it can work.

Yeah, where?

Anywhere, man.

Who would come?

a ton of people would come

come on, we got a ton of Muslims coming to

the house Friday afternoon for prayers.

Yeah.

A lot of kufr punks coming

to the house Friday nights.

Get em all in one place, at the

same time, thats a lot of heads.

This shits gonna happen.

Yeah.

Give it up for Ms. Muzzy

Okay.

Proper introduction.

Yusef, this is Muzzamil.

I told you about him a few weeks ago.

Hi, Im Yusef.

Call me Ms. Muzzy

Yusef jaan, you wont believe it man.

Muzzys telling us about the

taqwacore scene out in San Fran.

Well its only a few bands right now

but its a lot of good energy.

Yeah? So who are the biggest ones out there?

The Ghilmans mainly.

- Holy sh*t, they f***ing rock.

Uh huh.

- Im trying to get them out to my show this winter.

Oh, thatd be f***ing hot.

You know which was another good band to look out for?

The Guantanamo Bay Packers.

Theyve got really good songs so

try and get them out too, okay?

Hey, InshaAllah

So Ms. Muzzy, tell me. Why the hell would anyone

leave San Francisco for this f***ing sh*t hole?

Well she could have gone

to Berkeley or something.

Well its an interesting little

story behind that, ya see

my parents believe

that

if you could take me out of the gays

then you could take the gay out of me.

So, theyre like

really funny like that.

Yusef yakhi. So you coming with me tonight?

Yeah, yeah.

Where you guys going?

Rochester Mosque.

We arent invited?

I wanna pray. - Me too man.

Huh?

I cant believe Im taking

you freaks to the masjid.

Whatever dude. At least the girls decided not to come.

Just dont tell anybody Ms. Muzzys gay and well be fine.

Dont do that around me, lets go. Lets go.

What the f***?

No beer or weed at the mosque.

I wouldnt smoke in the mosque.

No Thank you.

Whats up daddy, you wanna feel up inside

my p*ssy, see whats inside of there?

Shut up, honestly.

Not today.

Take off the make up.

No gay material. No fag porn in my car.

- Shut the f*** up.

Sorry I had to change my pants and

put my nice pants on. You okay?

I love masjids, man. No statues, no pictures.

Nothings imposed on you, nothings in your way.

You know the only thing that made me

uncomfortable in masjids where the people.

Without them here its not so bad.

We should make two nafl rakas

out of respect to the masjid

Come here.

Whats that?

My gift to the masjid. Its a novel.

First ever punk novel.

Punk novel?

This kid, Gideon Sams.

He was 14 when he wrote it.

Reading this book its like listening to a sahaba.

Who knows wholl find it, you know?

Maybe someone cool.

Did he write anything else?

Sheikh Sams? - Yeah.

I dont think so.

He died when he was twenty-six.

Twenty-six?

Twenty-six?

The punk wasnt meant to be anything

big ya know, it just kinda happened.

Just kinda happened. Alayhe salaam.

Yakhi. Its good to lay

with your head facing qiblah.

Right. Right, right, right.

Whatcha got there Pakistan?

Its a classified section where parents

look for suitable partners for their kids.

Youre kidding me, right?

No. Get this one Egyptian parents looking

correspondence for their daughter.

Looking for Arab origin USA born, never

married and professional in medical field.

Wow these people are crazy.

Yeah.

Could you imagine if we responded to these posts?

As-salammu alaikum, I;m Yusef

Pakistani, Sunni origin. Engineering student and a good family.

As-salammu alaikum. Im Fasiq. No

degree but Im in pharmaceuticals.

As-salammu alaikum auntiee, Im Jehangir.

Im here to marry um Whats your daughters name again?

As-salammu alaikum. Im Umar. Your ad is haram.

Marhaba, Im Muzzy. Im here to sit on your sons face.

Okay. We are turning to the Suratal-Nur, the thirty-fifth ayat

Fasiq, brother. Please keep awake.

Sorry Umar.

MashAllah.

Allah Subhana wa TaAla is the Light of the heavens and the earth.

Allah Subhana wa TaAla Light is like a lamp inside a niche.

Lets just pray Fajr and go home.

Jehangir you sober?

Sober as you are man.

You wanna lead?

Yeah.

Allahu Akbar.

Now, they say that your book is

pioneering a whole new Islam.

Surely you must be receiving all kinds

of death threats from angry Mohammadans.

Well its not easy being the

voice of my generation.

but I think that my struggle

is to reclaim true Islam

from those who have taken it hostage,

or hijacked it if you will.

Those Muslim men. They just want

to lock you in the house, right?

Absolutely!

If they had their way, Id be under one of those

hideous burlap sacks that they make their women wear.

Hey. Yo. How are you?

Im good.

Listen, I brought you something.

Two Fridays from now

Im gonna give a sermon, I want you there, okay?

- Of course.

And I want you to present this to Umar and

this is how youre gonna get back in the house.

Read this later, alright? Whatever points

are in here, I want you to bring up.

Alright? Youll be back in the house

Everything will be good to go. Alright?

Dude, how the f*** is Umar gonna let me back

in the house, man?

He acts like he owns that sh*t

F*** that man, f*** Umar.

Hes never gonna let me back in the house, man

No, no, no, no. F*** Umar?

Okay, f*** you.

Me? Dude, Im not a f***in nazi

piece of sh*t like him, man. - F*** you.

He called me a Shiite piece of

sh*t, hes a f***in Nazi dude. - F*** you.

Hes a f***ing hypocrite. Hes got tattoos all over his

body, thats haram like a motherf***er, dude. - F*** you.

F*** you.

What are you willing to give

up to be in that house?

Think about that man.

Read through that, Ill see

ya in two weeks. okay?

These dumb b*tches. With all of this

airbrushing, like any of this is real.

How can that really be someones lips?

Its call collagen, sweetie. Some white chicks do that.

They aint got our nice ethnic lips.

Whites just gotta put some pig

sh*t up in there. That pig fat.

So Yusef, Like, what do you like? Do you like the girls

with the big fat lips like down there or up here?

What do you like to jerk off to sweetie?

I think you touched a nerve!

Yusef, do you not jerk off?

Thats not a nice question

to ask someone. - Oh no!

You like girls, right?

Of course.

But youre not doing anyone?

No, Im not doing anyone.

God Yusef! Youre the only sophomore at

this school whos never touched his penis!

Yusef, you gotta take care of that.

I dont like to self abuse and you

guys shouldnt do that either.

Sweetie, its not abuse.

Its fun.

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