The To Do List Page #7

- I can't believe they did that.

You were here all night

and you didn't hear them?

No.

God, man, oak crest,

those guys are good.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a big kick in the nuts.

I'll have rusty and Derrick

put it back up when they get here.

What?

No, Willy, we need to get them back.

Yeah, we need to get revenge.

I mean, real revenge.

- You mean, like...? Like kill them?

- What?

I think that's illegal.

I know a guy with a gun...

No, I mean like we need to get them

where it hurts.

Come on, you're our boss, our leader.

This is your pool. If not you, then who?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's take a big f***ing dump

on oak crest.

Let's get those f***ers.

Hey, Bernadette. What's the plan?

We're gonna blow this sh*t up.

We're gonna burn it to the ground.

- Rock.

- I see it, boss.

It's a f***ing ladder,

it's gonna make noise.

Go, go!

Holy sh*t. That is a f***ing slide.

All right, Cameron. All right.

Nice.

Approaching perimeter.

Cameron, what's your status? Over.

He's not talking to you right now.

Over. Sh*t, this thing's hot.

You can't let personal issues get in

the way of work. Act professional. Over.

You can't see him,

but he's flipping you off right now. Over.

Whatever. Just get into position. Over.

It's f***ing scary in here, man.

What are you looking for?

Just some sort of knob.

Why do they have all these things

in their pool? What does it do?

- We don't have any of these.

- How do you not know this?

Come on.

Sh*t, there it is.

All right, we found it. Over.

On my count, guys. In one...

Two, three.

Oh, yeah. Spin that b*tch.

- That good?

- How's that?

Guys, you have to see this. Come on

out here. Even you, Cameron. Over.

Screw you, Brandy.

Sh*t, newbie, you are as smart

as you think you are.

This is gonna be some serious payback.

- What?

- Nothing.

- We doing this?

- What?

- Come on.

- Yeah.

Yeah, let's do this.

I'll just take my clothes off too.

Take your time.

Why don't you talk to her,

instead of being a grumpy Gus?

- I am not a grumpy Gus.

- Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not.

- You wanna hear a riddle?

- Why did Eddie vedder cross the road?

- Why?

To get to the other side.

Hey, hey, hey! Jeremy spoke!

- Who's that supposed to be?

- Who's that? That's Eddie vedder.

- That's not the face vedder makes.

- Have you seen the "Jeremy" video?

I've seen the "Jeremy" video,

that's not the face he makes.

That is the face he makes. I get why

Brandy wants nothing to do with you.

F*** you, man. B*tch.

One, two, three.

- Oh, not again.

- What is this?

- This thing is like a life preserver.

- Jerk. Give it back.

You want it? Too bad.

I like you better without it.

I cannot believe you just did that.

Excuse me.

Better ask permission next time.

Next time?

F*** you, oak crest.

Busted.

I'm gonna take a sh*t

in their f***ing pool, man.

What happened here?

You're gonna look me in the eye

and deny all of this, huh?

That doesn't prove anything.

You wrote your name in this?

Who does that?

I'm sorry. I'm going to college.

You're supposed to write your name

on everything in case it gets lost.

Look, your little prank

ruined our filtration system.

- Not our problem.

- Well, it's gonna be your problem...

When I report you

to the parks department.

Hey, friend? Hey, buddy,

don't do that, okay? Please.

Look, the only way I won't call them...

Is if you send

a handwritten apology note...

You promise

these pranks stop today...

And you fire old double-d here.

- No one's getting fired.

- Brandy, you're fired.

I'm gonna have to go to office Max

for the other stuff.

Are you kidding me, Willy? I'm your best

employee. I taught you how to swim.

- What?

- I'm sorry, I can't lose my job.

This is unbelievable.

All summer everyone's been telling me

to loosen up and relax...

And not think so much and...

Well, f*** that.

And f*** you too.

- Want a beer?

- No.

Oh, come on,

don't look at me like that.

Honey, can I speak with you?

This whole thing has been so painful.

Cameron was crying afterwards.

They always do.

You know, boys are just really

more sensitive than they let on.

Your father included.

Which reminds me,

don't say anything...

But I have planned a pretty sexy

surprise for us for our anniversary.

Mom, I don't wanna hear

about you and dad...

Having intercourse? Noted.

Honey, listen, as you move forward...

On your sexual journey,

just promise me one thing.

- To have fun?

- To use lube.

Doesn't always have to be painful.

I wish my mother had given me lube

when I was your age.

- Where exactly do I...?

- In the vagina, sweetie.

Thanks, mom.

I got it.

Boise pool.

- Rusty waters, please.

- Brandy?

Yes. Rusty, please.

Rusty, it's Brandy.

She wants to talk to you.

Hey, newbie. Heard you got fired.

That sucks.

Yeah, I know. It'll be tough explaining

the employment gap in my resume...

But anyway,

would you like to go out with me?

Why not? I'll pick you up after work.

- Cool.

- Cool.

Very cool.

What'd he say?

- Yes.

- He did?

Yes! He said yes.

Technically, he said "why not."

But who cares about semantics.

Because rusty waters said yes to me,

Brandy klark, and we're gonna...

Brandy, are you trying to do

the Roger rabbit?

- Yeah.

- That's not the Roger rabbit.

This is the Roger rabbit.

Maybe the running man

would be easier for you.

Sh*t.

- So you're taking Brandy out, huh?

- I guess so.

Awesome. Good for her.

Still working on that sex manual.

- Yeah... what? Sex manual?

- Oh, you didn't know?

Dude, check this out.

She's writing some sort of sex

encyclopedia or something like that.

It's like she can do whatever

and it's research. It's awesome.

She wants to have, like, a good orgasm,

and, like, it's such a mature quest.

- Did you know about this?

- No.

You learn something new

at the pool every day.

- I look...

- Good enough to f***.

I wasn't gonna put it that way, but...

- Does it hurt the first time?

- Not if you chug a beer...

And use the lube mom gave you.

- She gave you the lube, right?

- Yes. That was weird.

But helpful.

Hey, are you okay? I noticed

you stopped eating your snackwells.

Chippy cheated on me. With strippers.

- You gonna call off the wedding?

- I want to, but he won't call me back.

Word of advice, don't fall in love.

- Getting your heart broken f***ing sucks.

- Yes, so I've heard.

- Okay.

- Hey, have fun popping your cherry.

I will.

And I want you to know that...

I wouldn't be having sex tonight

if it weren't for you.

- Really?

- Really.

Thanks, Brandy, I really needed that.

What's it gonna feel like?

I'll figure it out.

Enjoy your penis.

Here you go.

You want another one?

No, thank you. One is my limit.

Hey, look, there's...

There's something

I really wanna ask you.

Shoot.

Can I kiss you?

I know you can kiss me,

but may you kiss me?

- What?

- Forget it. You can definitely kiss me.

Cool.

Sh*t, I'm coming, all right?

- Hey...? Hey, is Brandy here?

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