The Toxic Avenger: The Musical Page #5

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Then I met you

Beautiful you

- Me?

A true scientific breakthrough

Look deep inside

I have nothing to hide

You'll see the real me

I'm yours honestly

You make me combust

With chemical lust

I'm just so scared of

- Wow, that is...

Our hot toxic, hot toxic love

(Sarah sighing)

I spent my life in the dark

Stuck in a long

- Oh oh oh oh Sarah!

Lonely night

- There you go.

You came along

And lit a spark

Now, finally

- No, no, no, no no no!

I see the light

All 'cause of you

Beautiful you

A man who's too good to be true

(audience chuckling)

- Whoa!

I see deep inside

You have nothing to hide

I know who you are

You're my shining star

You, you make my heart beat

With nuclear heat

Now, don't be scared of

My hot toxic

Hot toxic love

When you think of it

We're a perfect fit

Were both a little offbeat

I'm what you'd call blind

I'm more Frankenstein

Yet, somehow you make me complete

Look deep inside

I have nothing to hide

You'll see the real me

I'm yours

Honestly

- No Sarah, Sarah, over here!

You make me combust

(audience chuckling)

- Ow!

With chemical lust

Now don't be scared of

My hot toxic

Hot toxic

Look deep inside

I have nothing to hide

You'll see the real me

I'm yours honestly

You make me combust

With chemical lust

Now, don't be scared of

My hot toxic

Hot toxic love

My hot toxic

Ooh

My hot toxic

Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh

Ooh

Love

(audience applauding)

- Oh Sarah I'm sorry I can't kiss you!

(ship's horn blowing)

Oh, Sarah I have to leave!

I fear the next shipment is coming in.

- Oh?

(audience chuckling)

Toxie, what shipment?

T-Toxie, what, why you have (mumbles)...

Motherf***er!

(ship's horn blowing)

- All right Chief, how's it going?

You almost done unloading

that toxic waste?

- I can assure you Madam Mayor,

everything's fine,

everything's fine (chuckles).

- Good.

(screaming)

(audience laughing)

- What kind of fiend, has done this?

Gee pet-pet, my brother!

In the name of our ancestors,

I will avenge his death!

And blood, will spill upon the Earth,

with the red stench of e--

(Toxie roaring)

Adios!

Oh god!

- What the hell is that?

- It's the monster you idiot!

Shoot to kill!

- No, no no no no!

(gun firing)

(Mayor laughing)

(Toxie roaring)

- Okay, problem!

Bullet proof!

I'll see you later!

(screaming)

(crying)

- All right Chewbacca,

who are you and what the hell do you want?

- You mean you don't recognize me?

Why I'm Melvin Ferd III.

- You, you're that scrawny kid?

- Your goons threw me

into a vat of toxic goo,

and this is what I came out like!

- Ech!

- I should destroy you right now!

But no, not until I've

exposed the evil you've done!

- Oh, all right, make me out

to look like the bad guy here!

Don't think I don't

know what you're up to!

Uh, killing polluters,

acting outside the law,

you're trying to become a folk hero!

(audience chuckling)

(perky folk music)

(audience tittering)

(audience clapping)

Let me tell you a story about

A man with a strange complexion

He killed a lot of folks and

he made a love connection

By day, he had a girl who

baked him homemade breads

- Oh, oh god (mumbles)...

By night he

Roamed the streets and he

ripped off people's heads

This is the legend

He's the legend

The legend of the Toxic Avenger

At first, the folks were sure

he'd kill them all one day

- He'll kill us all!

But then their crime went

down and the freak seemed okay

- Oh I like him now (giggles).

He proved more popular than

Prince William and Kate

He put the garden back,

in the Garden State

This is the legend

He's the legend, the

legend of the Toxic Avenger

Oh yeah

He cleaned up Tromaville

by sealing all the vats

He won the children's love

by saving all their cats

- Oh I love you Toxie, yeah, ah!

Toxie's a hero now,

bigger than Superman

Let him lay some whip-ass on

Let him lay some whip-ass on

The man could really

lay some whip-ass on

All the town's bad

And so the cops got scared

Some of them soiled their britches

The rest just ran away like

freaked out little b*tches

Now the mayor stands alone

It's her against the goon

She knows the time has come,

soon gonna be high noon

(spring reverberating)

(audience snickering)

Oh, he's the legend

- What is this?

I'm the legend

The legend of the Toxic Avenger

(audience clapping)

Oh he's the legend

He's the legend

Oh he's the legend

Hot dang, the legend

Go tell your children about the legend

You tell your children's children

You tell your children's

children's children

Have your children's

tell their friends

And their friends tell other friends

Make some calls, write some letters

Go on Facebook, tweet on Twitter

Go on LinkedIn, don't do

MySpace, no on goes there

Na na na na, na na na na,

Na na na na na na oh oh

Clap with me, clap

with me, clap with me

Take it, clap with me, clap with me

(audience clapping)

(screeching harmonica music)

- Just f***ing finish it!

F***ing over-acting!

(audience laughing)

(audience tittering)

(audience applauding)

- F***ing over-acting.

(audience snickering)

The legend of the Toxic Avenger!

(dramatic music)

(audience cheering)

(audience applauding)

(eerie bubbling)

(whistling)

- Oh!

(audience chuckling)

- Hello Kennith!

- Dammit, what are you

doing in my basement, woman?

Didn't you hear of knocking?

Ah!

- Not long ago you used

to love it when I come

into your room without knocking.

Finding you asleep, having my way!

- Dammit that's true!

But it's the same story every time!

You seduce me, then you make

me use science for evil!

- Kennith, the monster who's

been terrorizing our town--

- He's no monster, the people love him!

He's got higher poll numbers than you!

- No matter, I will soon capture him!

- How, woman?

No one knows where he's hiding!

- I'll find out!

I know his mother.

But first, tell me has he

been in to see you, big boy?

- No, no, no!

- Oh really?

Than what's this?

(dramatic music)

- Foiled by my own laundry!

- I have to destroy him, tell me how!

- No woman!

- Tell me Kennith!

- Dammit I said no!

- Oh yeah?

(dramatic music)

These two breasts can be yours

You can't buy them in stores

Go ahead take a bite

Just tell me, what's his kryptonite

I wont stand here and squeal

Though I would like a feel

Oh my brain's in a knot

Why is evil so hot

Evil is hot

Evil is hot

Don't tell me that it's not

'Cause evil is hot

I am woman

And I am man

I am straight

And I am too except for

that one time in college

So let's do the dance of the doomed

And get tanked up

On shrooms

Evil is hot

Evil is hot

Together we'll find that spot

Where evil is hot

(moaning)

(hypnotic music)

(groaning)

(audience clapping)

- Bleach!

- What?

- Throw bleach on him, oh jeez...

He'll melt faster than the

wicked witch of the west.

(Mayor laughing)

- That's all?

Common household bleach?

- I've said it, now go!

Go do your evil, damn it!

Ha, ha, ha, ha ha hot

Ho ho ho ho hot

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