The Ugly Dachshund Page #4

You're not gonna blame it

on those little angels, Mark.

Just look at them.

You can tell they had

nothing to do with it.

One dog couldn't possibly

have done all of this.

No, not normally one dog...

Besides, there's no real

harm done, honey.

It's just a little yarn,

that's all.

Just relax, now.

I can pick it all up...

if I can find where it begins.

Mark!

Uh, Look out!

Mark, don't move!

Aah!

Mark! Aah!

[Sighs]

[Sarcastically]

Just... a little yarn.

[Chuckles]

- FRAN:
One, two, three, smile!

- [Brutus barking]

Oh, that is beautiful.

Hold still.

Hold still, Brutus.

Ready? One, two...

- [Barking]

- What happened, you silly, huh?

Watch out. Watch out.

Oh, watch out.

- Come on, Danke, you look silly.

- All right, all right.

Chloe, stay, stay.

You're gonna slip. Watch it.

Everybody, smile.

- Ready? Now...

- Get over here.

- Take a break, huh?

- One...

- Wait a minute. Okay.

...two...

- Take it easy.

- [Barking]

Oh, Brutus!

Mark, will you look

what he's done?

Yeah, well, he just wants

to play with them.

Oh, he always wants

to play with them.

He won't leave them alone

for a minute.

Do you think he really

believes he's their brother?

- Well, I hope not.

- [Doorbell rings]

Would you get that, honey?

I want to finish this roll.

Mmm, yeah, yeah.

[Barking continues]

Come on, girls, come on.

Come on.

Morning.

Well, good morning,

Mr. Garrison.

You remember me.

Um... oh, oh, yeah.

$ 110 worth, in fact.

Yeah, you sure piled them up

that morning, didn't you?

Yeah, I certainly did.

- You know something?

- What?

So far, nobody

in the department yet

has written that many

violations in one day.

- Is that a fact?

- I hold a record.

I'm certainly happy

I could help you out there.

Is there something I can do

for you, Officer, uh...

- Carmody.

- Carmody.

- But it's, uh, Sergeant now.

- Sergeant?

I'm not just on

highway patrol anymore.

- No?

- I'm on special detail.

- Uh-huh.

- Now, have you noticed

any suspicious-looking

characters around here lately?

Have you had any problems

at night?

Uh, no, no. Why?

Well, there's been a lot

of petty theft going on

in this neighborhood.

It looks like

it's the work of one man.

We call him

the "cat burglar."

[Laughing]

You're supposed to say,

"Who in the world would

want to steal a cat?"

- I am?

- Well, everybody does.

Oh!

Oh, well, I guess my sense of

humor's not what it should be.

[Chuckles] But anyway,

this fellow sneaks in,

grabs the first thing

he can lay his hands on,

and sneaks right out again.

So you keep your eyes

wide open.

Oh, I certainly will,

yes, yes.

Uh, thank you for the warning,

Offic... uh, Sergeant.

And it's been nice

talking to you.

Yeah, it's been nice, uh...

it's good to see you.

Give my regards to the missus.

Yes, yes.

And the family.

Arf! [Laughing]

- [Engine turns over]

- "And the family." Ha!

[Barking]

Come on, now, Chloe,

up you go.

Come on,

that's my girl, yes.

Everybody, look at me now.

- [Whining]

- Don't move, Brutus,

or you'll distract them.

Who was that, dear?

It was the police.

They're looking for

a cat burglar.

[Chuckling]

Isn't that silly?

Who'd steal a cat?

Hey...

You know who that was

out there?

Do you remember the cop

on the motorcycle

that escorted us

to the hospital?

Oh, that nice patrolman...

Finnegan.

Yeah... no, no, Carmody,

and he's a sergeant now.

Made sergeant on my money.

[Chuckles]

Every time I think about

that morning, I...

Brutus, no!

- [Dachshunds barking]

- Oh, no...

Hey, what are you

hitting me for?!

It took me 15 minutes

to get them in that pose.

Now look what he's done.

Well, honey, it... it's

just an old wheelbarrow.

Well, then you clean it up.

Come on, Danke,

we'll go make lunch.

Come on, baby. Oh.

That's my girl.

[Barks]

Hey, Fran! Look at this!

He's learned to...

learned to fetch already!

Oh, marvelous,

just marvelous.

Good boy.

Let me have it now.

Let go of it, let go.

- [Growling]

- Let go, Brutus.

Let go.

Let... let go of the wheel.

[Growling continues]

Brutus, let go of the wheel.

Let go...

Aah! Aah! Aaah!

[Whines]

Well, now, maybe you could

stand a few improvements.

What happened?

Nothing. I just sat down

in the lily pond, that's all.

I'm gonna change clothes.

Honestly, Mark, you're getting

to be as clumsy as Brutus.

[Barking]

[Barking]

[Barking continues]

[Barking continues]

[Barking]

[Barking]

[Barking continues]

[Barking continues]

FRAN:
Mark!

[Gasps]

Oh!

Well! Now are you

satisfied, hmm?

Mark, are you satisfied?

Or are you gonna try and blame

this on the dachsies, too?

- Why not? We always do.

- Fran...

Of course, the fact that

the little innocent things

are nowhere in sight

shouldn't make any difference.

They must be responsible.

They always are.

And poor, poor

persecuted Brutus is blameless.

Of course, the fact that

he has paint all over him

and paintings stuck

on his feet

is merely

circumstantial evidence.

- That doesn't prove anything.

- Fran, will you shut up?

Oh, I'm sorry...

Fran, I...

I'm very sorry.

That's all right, Mark.

I excuse your rudeness

on the grounds that you are

justifiably overwrought.

You needn't apologize.

But if you ever say "shut up"

to me again, Mark Garrison,

neither I nor the girls

will ever speak to you again.

Oh, boy.

[Barking]

Oh... boy.

$20 to scrape studio floor,

$23 to replace

two broken windows.

[Barking]

$ 12 to repair easel.

What should I put down

for one month's work ruined?

Fran, it was my work,

and it was my studio.

All right, Mark.

Last week, it cost me $ 18

to repair my couch slipcovers

and $92 to replace

my mother's broken vase.

Fran, Brutus is still

a puppy at heart.

I know that, Mark.

That is what worries me.

His career is just beginning.

- Well...

- Now, Mark...

that dog is too destructive.

- He has got to go.

- [Barking continues]

No, he isn't!

For... shut up!

The puppy, shut up.

Uh, Brutus. Uh...

Look, Fran...

- [Barking continues]

- Brutus, will you be quiet?!

You hear me, Brutus?

Be quiet!

Oh, don't waste your breath,

Mark.

He's as stubborn as you are.

Well, I'll... put him

out in the garage.

What did I do

with that flashlight?

Come on! [Clapping]

Come on, come on!

Yes! Oh, here's my girls.

All right, everybody

on the end of the bed.

Come on, it's time

to go to sleep. Go on.

Go on, at the end of the bed.

Oh, now, don't be silly.

Come on.

There you are.

Oh, stop it, girls.

No, girls, don't do that.

Oh, just calm down, now.

- [Barking continues]

- Brutus, no!

Aah! Ooh!

[Dogs barking]

Oh!

- Oh!

- Come here, Brutus.

Come here. Come here, now.

Honey, are you okay?

One new bed... $200!

All right, I... I give up.

He goes back to Doc

first thing in the morning.

Come on, Brutus.

Oh!

[Barking]

Oh!

- [Crickets chirping]

- Wait a minute, now.

Hold it, Brutus.

Why couldn't you have been

good for something?

Anything?

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