The Ugly Dachshund Page #5

Now, go on in there, fella.

Lie down.

[Whimpers]

This'll give you plenty of air.

[Whimpering, whining]

Be quiet.

[Barking]

Hush!

[Whining]

Hush up, Brutus!

[Doorknob rattles]

Oh, great,

beautiful, beautiful.

[Sighs]

[Grunting]

The end of a perfect day.

[Brakes squeal]

[Engine turns off]

[Parking brake clicking]

[Shoes creaking]

[Creaking continues]

[Growls softly]

- [Creaking continues]

- [Whining softly]

[Creaking continues]

[Door creaking]

[Growling]

[Barking]

Easy, boy.

Easy, boy. Shh!

- [Growling]

- Shh! Lie down.

- [Barking]

- Nice doggy. Nice doggy.

You have the wrong man,

the wrong man.

- I'm a policeman. Shh!

- [Growling]

- Aaah!

- [Barking]

Aah, hold it.

Hold it right there.

Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it.

[Barking]

[Growling]

Puppy, puppy, puppy.

Puppy, puppy, puppy.

- [Barking]

- Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh.

Nice doggy.

[Growling]

Oh!

[Panting]

[Barking]

[Grunts] Oh!

[Barking]

[Grunting]

- Aah! [Panting]

- [Barking]

Get away!

[Barking]

Mark, don't fight it.

[Sighs]

CARMOD Y:
Mr. Garrison!

Mr. Garrison!

Get away! Go on!

Mr. Garrison!

Mr. Garrison!

Wake up!

It's me... Sergeant Carmody!

Go on! Get away!

Go on, get away!

Mr. Garrison!

MAN ON POLICE RADIO:

Calling Sergeant Carmody,

Car 23.

Calling Sergeant Carmody,

Car 23, Signal 15...

investigate disturbance

on Bowling Green Drive...

dog barking.

Repeat...

investigate disturbance

on Bowling Green Drive...

dog barking.

That is all.

[Panting]

[Door opens]

I wish that paper would show up

just once on time!

[Barking]

Brutus!

[Hoarsely] Mr. Gar...

Mr. Garrison.

Mr. Garrison.

Up here!

Sergeant Carmody.

What are you doing up there?

[Grunts] Your dog chased me.

What are you doing up there?

[Grunts] Your dog chased me.

Hush! Come here.

What?

- Dog won't let me down.

- I can't understand you.

[Exhales sharply]

I... I... I can't talk.

Hey, you haven't been

up there all night, have you?

Yeah.

What in the world for?

Your dog chased me.

Oh, you mean Brutus chased...

How about that?

Now, look, would you take him

away and let me down?

Hey, you know, I bet he...

I bet he thought

you were the cat burglar.

- Fran!

- No. Wait. Would you please...

No, no, just a minute,

Sergeant.

I want to prove something

to my wife first. Fran!

Mark, what's wrong?

Hey, come here a minute.

I want to show you something.

Will you just let me down?

Uh, Fran, you remember

Sergeant Carmody.

He escorted us

to the hospital.

Lady, will you talk to him?

Will you please talk to him?

Well, I don't know

what this is all about.

I wanted you to see Brutus.

He chased him up that tree.

What do you think of that?

What do you think I think, Mark?

That's a police officer.

Now, how would Brutus

know the difference?

It's just a prowler to him.

He could've been that burglar

they're chasing around town.

He defended us!

He protected our property!

All right, Mark, but still...

Don't you see how important

he is to us, how valuable?

If we keep him around here, no

burglar would come within miles.

All right, Mark,

you've made your point.

We can discuss it later.

In the meantime,

will you please let the officer

down from the tree?

- [Laughs]

- Yeah, okay.

Just wanted you to see,

that's all.

Oh, uh, come on down,

Sergeant.

Dog... the dog.

Oh.

Good boy, Brutus. Good boy.

Go on back to the house now.

Go on. Go on.

Okay, Sergeant, it's safe now.

[Panting]

Here, let me help.

Whoa.

[Breathing heavily]

I don't need any help.

Oh, well, let me give you

a hand to the car.

No, no, no, do...

don't bother, Mr. Garrison.

- Would you like some breakfast?

- I'm not hungry.

- How about a cup of coffee?

- I'm not thirsty.

Want an aspirin,

glass of water?

Look, all I want to do

is get out of here.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

Uh, drop in again anytime,

Sergeant.

Yeah. [Breathing heavily]

So long now.

[Grunts]

[Panting]

This is

Sergeant Carmody in...

[Clicking]

- This is Sergeant...

- [Clicking]

Sergeant Carmody in Car...

[Clicking]

[Breathing heavily]

[Engine sputtering]

[Breathing heavily]

[Barking]

[Horn buzzes]

[Whimpers]

[Buzzing continues]

[Whimpering] No, no, no.

[Whimpers]

[Speaking Japanese]

[Speaking Japanese]

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, Mr. Toyama.

Good morning, Mrs. Garrison.

Um, well, you're early.

I wasn't expecting you

until later.

- There is much to be done.

- Oh.

I bring Kenji...

newly imported,

number-one nephew.

Oh, uh, would you mind

starting in the back?

We haven't

finished breakfast yet.

As you wish.

[Barking]

Dogs?

Uh, they're very friendly.

Well, they won't bother you.

- [Barking continues]

- Quiet, girls!

- Who was that?

- Toyama.

So early?

[lmitating Toyama]

Ah, there is much to be done.

[Normal voice] He's got to

get the decorations

and the food and the tables

set up by 6:
00.

What is this Oriental bacchanal

costing us, anyway?

Mark, we haven't entertained

in six months.

We owe everybody.

Yes, I did make

my hair appointment.

Yes, I did pick my dress up

at the cleaners.

That evasive answer means

it's costing a bundle, right?

Wrong. We're getting

a package deal...

food, decorations, everything

for one reasonable price.

Yes, I ordered the guest towels

for the bathroom.

No, I did not speak to Mark

first thing this morning.

Sure you did. I said,

"Did you sleep well?"

And you said,

"Make your own breakfast."

About Brutus.

Mark, you've got to

get rid of that dog.

Now, wait just a minute, Fran.

Now, let's not start that again.

Brutus is my dog,

and I am...

I mean for today, Mark,

so he won't be underfoot.

I mean, it's difficult enough

to prepare a lawn party

for 60 people without that

4-legged demolition squad

running around

in the middle of it.

Demolition squad?

Now, what about that, uh,

wrecking crew of yours, huh?

Mark Garrison,

how can you compare

those dear, sweet,

little angels

with that big, clumsy ox?

Okay.

All right, Fran, I'll, uh...

take him for a walk,

all right?

You'll do no such thing.

I need you here to help me.

Just tie him up.

What am I gonna do, Fran?

I thought Toyama's

taking care of everything.

Well, Mark, you know something

always goes wrong

at the last minute, and I want

you here just in case.

In case of what, for example?

KENJI:
Rion! Rion!

In case of that, for example.

[Shouting in Japanese]

Aah! Rion!

- [Speaking Japanese]

- Rion?

Mark, look!

Brutus!

- Brutus!

- Brutus, Brutus, come here.

Come here, fella. Come on.

Mr. Toyama, are you all right?

Take away rion!

That's not a lion!

That's a dog.

You call that dog?

[Brutus barking]

Mr. Toy... Mr. Toyama!

Well,

you can't just lie there.

Only way to fool wild beast.

- [Barks]

- Oh, Brutus, boy.

Oh, Mark,

will you take him away

and tie him up somewhere?

Oh, for Pete's sake,

he wasn't gonna hurt anybody.

Rook out... rion!

[Gasps]

[Speaking Japanese]

[Mid-tempo

accordion music plays]

[Indistinct conversations]

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