The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose Page #3

I got some mother f***ing

maggots on my jugs!

This is f***ed.

It's totally whack!

I've got some mother

f***ing maggots on my rack!

F***! We got tittie maggots!

F***! Talkin' tittie maggots!

F***! We got tittie maggots!

F***! F***! F***! F***! F***!

F***in' tittie maggots!

F***! We got tittie maggots

F***! Talkin' tittie maggots

F***! We got tittie maggots.

F***! F***! F***! F***! F***!

F***in' tittie maggots!

And we've had these

f***ing maggots on our

titties ever since!

Oh No!

I'm at the weigh

station of refusal.

Holy sh*t.

He is the one.

Totally.

For sure.

Hello, my dear.

What shall it be?

Fortune or pleasure?

Well, everything's been

so screwed up lately.

I have no idea where

I'm going in life.

I feel so directionless.

I could really use a hand

job.

Sure, honey. That'll be 25.

Save some for next time, Ron!

Ok.

Let's see what the universe

has in store for you.

Oh my. I see such sorrow.

Did you lose someone?

Well, my wife just left me.

That's not it.

I see something else...

something deeper.

Well...

my mom did just

slip into a coma,

but she's been looney-toons

crazy for 20 years.

20 years? Oh my God, that's it!

Are you little Ronny Wartyhymen?

How did you know?

Well, Agnes Wartyhymen

was the best whore we had.

Oh, we gobbled a lot

of hogs together.

Oh, we had some crazy times.

She was the only whore in

town to do the chili dog.

Do you know what that is?

No.

Oh, it's goddamn

disgusting. I puked the

first time I saw her do it.

But the men, they would line

up around the block to see it.

Just stop. That's

disgusting. That's gross.

I don't wanna hear it.

Sorry kid. I was

just being nostalgic.

You see, I haven't

seen Agnes in 20 years,

ever since she went crazy

and was sent to the looney bin.

What happened that day?

The day she went crazy and

got sent to the looney bin?

Well, it started out

like any other day.

She had a visit from

one of her regulars.

A doctor.

He was a real pig,

and your mother was

worried that he might be

falling in love with her,

because he just couldn't stop

putting his penis inside her.

I could hear them all

the way across the whore

house, so I went to make

sure everything was ok.

All I could I see was his butt.

His sweaty, hairy butt.

And then this white

light began to glow.

He ran out of the whore house

like his balls were on fire.

I ran into Agnes' room to

find out what happened.

Whatever happened to her

that night changed her.

Now she's just a

goddamn fruitcake.

That bastard!

I had no idea.

I mean...

I still have no idea.

What does that mean?

Well, there's something

I want to show you.

and then maybe

you'll understand.

Soon, this will all make sense.

The booty worms.

The tittle maggots.

It's part of a great prophecy.

A long time ago like

15 galaxies away,

there was the peaceful,

but smelly planet of Urectum

where booty worms and tittie

maggots lived happily together.

We were the first and most

powerful planet in the universe.

That sh*t was to so cool.

Because of how awesome we were,

the big guy in the

sky or whatever,

came down from the

heavens or whatever,

and entrusted us, the

keys to the universe.

The great dildo and

the great fleshlight

kept the stars burning bright

and breathed life

throughout the galaxies.

But then there

was the great war.

Evil space pirates

crashed on Urectum and

started f***ing sh*t up.

They were raping and

murdering everybody.

To protect the universe,

it was decided that

we would move the great

dildo and the great

flashlight elsewhere.

For if evil were ever

to get ahold of the two,

the universe would descend

into darkness forever.

The great dildo

was moved to Earth

and entrusted to a whore

who in lived in a whore

house with her whore sister

who was also a whore.

And the great fleshlight

was entrusted to

an earthling fellowship

that promised to

protect it until the

end of days was near.

Your mother was the keeper

of the great dildo, Ron.

She kept it in her butthole.

The man who took her sanity took

it by stealing the great dildo.

What was the name of this man?

The man who took the great

dildo from her butthole.

His name was Dr. Nerjoose.

Dr. Beau Nerjoose.

He had an unquenchable

thirst for Beau Nerjoose.

Ron, you must reunite your

mother with the great dildo.

Only then, will

her sanity return.

But first you will need

the great flashlight

To get the great fleshlight,

you must climb Dick Mountain.

It's a day's hike. I

would bring lots of water

and some cliff bars.

I don't even have hiking shoes.

Stop being a f***ing

a**hole, Ron.

REI is a great

place to get them.

You can return them

when you're done.

But be careful, Ron.

Dr. Beau Nerjoose is

pure unadulterated evil.

Good luck, my son.

I'm gonna sh*t all

over Beau Nerjoose.

I'm gonna sh*t on Beau Nerjoose.

Yeah, you know that you

have got nothing to lose.

If I snooze I lose. I've

got to do what's right.

Yeah you know you gotta

get the great fleshlight.

'cause when the clock ticks

down, and I've got no time.

You've gotta put your

balls on the f***ing line.

I will do what I need to do.

Find that man and

make him eat poo.

I'm gonna sh*t on Beau Nerjoose.

Wait.

The great tittle maggot

said that my mom was a whore

who lived in a whore house

with her sister

who was also a whore.

Are you my mom's whore...

sister? Yes.

Your aunt.

Your whore-aunt.

But you gave me a hand-job.

A really good one, too.

That's disgusting.

Why didn't you say something?

Well, I didn't realize who you

were until after the hand-job.

And then I didn't want

to make things weird.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

You want another one, Ron?

Family discount?

In fact, it's on the house.

No

question about it.

You sure did save some!

F*** REI, Ron.

All you need for your trip

to dick mountain is in here.

Thanks, Aunt Esmerelda.

You're welcome.

Now you have a treacherous

journey ahead of you,

and Aunt Esmerelda can't

be around to jack you off,

so here's something

for your wiener.

Thanks, Aunt Esmerelda.

You're so sweet.

No kissing customers.

It's one of my rules.

It's one of my whore-rules.

Oh.

I understand.

Good-bye Ron.

Good-bye, Aunt Esmerelda.

Oh...

we're going up the mountain.

To...

get the great big fleshlight

with...

my friend the booty worm

yeah...

together gonna save the world.

Save the world!

Oh...

we're going up the mountain.

To...

get the great big fleshlight

with...

my friend the booty worm

yeah...

together gonna save the world.

Shhhhh!

Hey, hey!

What? What is it?

I think we made it.

I think we made it to

the top of dick mountain.

How do you know?

Well because I can

see a giant dick.

Yes!

Hey there.

Hello, sir.

My name's Ron.

I'm here to save the universe.

I'm on a quest to save my mom.

She was the keeper

of the great dildo.

until Dr. Beau Nerjoose

took it from her.

Is this Dick Mountain?

Ron!

Shhh!

Ron!

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