The Unquenchable Thirst for Beau Nerjoose Page #6

Ron, is there anything

you want to tell me?

Uh...

Nope.

Yes.

No!

Nuns, what are you doing here?

You're ruining everything!

I'm about to eat your

dick, Beau Nerjoose!

Henchmen!

Get them!

Oh sh*t!

Ron, listen to me.

You must find his weakness

and use it against him.

Everyone has a weakness.

No, No!

Yeah, you're

ticklish aren't you?

You're tickling

him far too much!

Don't get your boogers on it.

Oh yeah!

I knew he could do it.

I can't believe it.

Now it will appear.

Where is it?

Where is it?

Ron!

Look.

There it is.

It's beautiful.

Give it to me you little sh*t.

The curse must be lifted.

F*** you, Beau Nerjoose.

I must have the fleshlight.

I need the dildo.

Well...

Then you see our

delimma, don't you?

We must fight.

Oh sh*t.

You can do it, Ron.

I believe in you.

I've got to. To save mom.

To save the universe.

Oh f***ing sh*t-d*cks!

And now, the power of

the universe is mine!

Ah, yes!

Ron, you mustn't let him jam

the great dildo up his butt.

He cut his teeth off.

Get out of here!

I'm coming right behind you!

You good?

Yeah, I'm good.

No!

No!

Not the dildo!

No!

Holy sh*t! It's crumbling

before our very eyes!

I can't believe it!

It would be so expensive

to recreate this in

a cinematic medium.

I can't believe I left it in

there. I've got to go back.

I've come all this way.

No Ron. Don't do that.

You have the great dildo now.

You can save your whore-mother.

You're right, Hope.

Oh, it's my friend, Zach.

Come on, ladies.

Hey buddy.

Who are you new friends?

Shut up, Zach.

No time to explain.

We've got to get to the

Don't Stop Bereaving

Funeral Home Karoke Bar.

Alright. Hold on to

your tits, ladies.

So what was Beau Nerjoose

doing back there?

It looks like he shoving his

penis in the great fleshlight

and he was gonna shove this

great dildo up his butthole.

Oh Ron, the great fleshlight

and the great dildo

must be combined together

to bring world peace,

but not that way.

Beau Nerjoose knows

that if he reunites them

on his penis and

up his butthole,

then he can use his

taint as a conduit

to gain ultimate power

over the universe.

Seriously?

Yes, and Ron, we can

not let that happen.

The great dildo and

the great fleshlight

have to be combined directly.

Whoa. What are you

guys talking about?

Shut the f*** up Zach. I told

you. There's no time to explain.

Here it is. Pull over.

Alright, buddy. Just give me

a call later or something.

You ever hit me with a

dildo again, I'll kill you.

On the end of my dick was

your butt baby brother.

Aborted butt bro.

He'd been removed from

the ass of your mother.

Where did he go?

I shot my wad in such a way.

In such a way.

That your brother

flew covered in my

Mother-f***ing jizz-spray.

I'm so glad that Agnes

wanted her funeral here.

She always did love

to party, didn't she?

Alright!

Let's get this party started!

By the power invested in me,

I hereby euthanize

Agnes Wartyhymen

as requested in her last wishes.

Now normally, this would

be done by a painless

injection, but we rain out.

So instead...

We'll be using this brick.

She'll never know

the difference.

She's in a coma, people.

My butthole!

My sanity.

It's returned.

What happened?

Oh my God. I think she's

regaining her sanity.

I think...

I think it's from the

dildo up her butt.

Oh.

That's great.

I'm so sorry I didn't understand

what you were trying to tell me.

When you said Beau

Nerjoose took your sanity,

I thought you meant boner juice,

not Beau Nerjoose.

Like Beau's his first name

and Nerjoose is his last name.

I thought you meant...

Well, I thought you meant

the juice from an erection.

Like semen or

man-milk or

cream of meat

splooge

chode-chowder

protien shake or

man-ranch

maybe jism or

a shlong-smoothie,

baby-batter,

ball-fredo sauce.

You know what I'm saying.

It's ok, Ron. It's my fault.

I should have explained

my self better.

What happened?

I took a sh*t.

She took a sh*t on

the dance floor.

She took a sh*t on

the dance floor, baby.

You know that sh*t, it

just drives me oh so crazy.

She took a sh*t on

the dance floor, baby.

You know that sh*t, it

just drives me oh so crazy.

Because it is hot sh*t.

Both hands and a map, bud!

I will eat your dick!

Oh Ronny, it's so

great to see you.

I feel reborn now that the great

dildo is back in my butthole.

That's cool mom. I'm

gonna go take a sh*t.

Agnes Wartyhymen!

Beau Nerjoose!

There's no time.

Hello. Long time no Beau...

Nerjoose.

Where's everybody going?

The party's just starting.

All I wanted was a family.

Is that too much to ask?

Oh, and maybe a dick that

doesn't suck it's own dick?

But no, no. Dr. Beau Nerjoose,

he can't be happy,

can he? Oh no. No.

but now I have f***ed

the great fleshlight,

and my dick doesn't suck

its own dick anymore.

Look!

It doesn't suck itself anymore.

It does look a lot better.

It does, doesn't it?

Oh Agnes. You made a new friend.

My dear, sweet Hope.

I think it's time you knew.

It was I who left you on

the steps of that convent

for I am your father.

I stole you from that

looney bin you were born in

for Agnes is your mother.

Is that true?

But how would you know?

You haven't seen her

since she was a...

A mother knows!

But that means that Hope

and I are brother and sister.

But we totally boned, and

she totally liked it a lot.

Well, you're only half-siblings.

Ron, your father was a

man named We Nerjoose.

But wait. That's my father too.

You're my half-brother?

That means I'm...

Hope's uncle and brother.

Half-uncle, half-brother.

This is totally f***ed!

If it makes you feel any

better, my half-brother

killed my mother too.

How is that supposed to

make me feel any better?

Oh. I don't know.

Because of this.

No!

Mom.

No.

It smells like a old,

rabid raccoon got caught

in a cotton candy machine.

Shhh. Shhh.

Ronny, come closer.

I could smell the whole time.

I cannot believe this is

all the Coldplay they have.

This place sucks.

Beau Nerjoose.

I've got a bone

to pick with you.

Oh hey, Ron.

You still here?

Yeah, dude.

You just killed my mom.

That seriously pisses me off.

Don't be a baby. Be

like my old dick,

and suck it up.

Now die!

Yeah!

Uppercock!

Guys, I'm winning!

Uppercunt!

No!

Do it! Do it now!

No! You don't know

what you're doing!

May the dildo f***

the fleshlight!

What the f***?

Here's something

for your wiener.

F***!

Beau Nerjoose.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Stupid idiot!

Now feel the wrath of my taint!

I have ultimate power!

I am master of the universe!

I control everything!

Wait.

Something's wrong.

I can't control it.

Something's wrong.

It hurts.

My balls.

My taint.

Beau Nerjoose is dead.

Beau Nerjoose is dead.

Beau Nerjoose is dead.

Beau Nerjoose is dead.

Beau Nerjoose is

dead.

Beau Nerjoose is

dead.

Beau Nerjoose is

dead.

Beau Nerjoose is

dead.

What is that?

It's what's left

of Beau Nerjoose.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes