The Wedding Ringer Page #11
Sing it!
Do you remember?
Oh, Christ.
Baton twirling
That's the end of the song.
Ch, thank God.
(APPLAUSE)
(WOMAN WHOOPING)
Since none of us
are songwriters,
we decided to put together
to toast our buddy.
He was stealing ladies' hearts
since long before we knew him.
(GUESTS LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
His friendship
came with an instant
half-point boost
to all our GPA's.
2.5, Dickerson!
You got me there,
buddy.
He also taught us things
that you can't learn
in a classroom.
Whether it was bowling at regionals.
GUESTS:
Aw.Running the Santa
Monica Marathon.
It was a close
call with the Kenyan.
You ran?
Yeah.
Navigating the rapids
of Colorado.
OTIS:
Scuba divingWhat?
Climbing the glaciers
of Patagonia.
Hmm.
Jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet.
(GUESTS EXCLAIMING)
JIMMY:
Help him out, guys.You got it?
Yeah.
After I was hit
by a drunk driver
who was found innocent,
(GUESTS GASPING)
it was Doug
who helped me pay
for my law school tuition.
GUESTS:
Aw.That's so sweet.
(CRYING) n was you.
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
(sesame)
JIMMY:
That's okay.The only thing that
gets hard is my nipples.
Oh, dear.
(WHISPERS)
Let's get him out of here.
Way to keep it
together, buddy.
I wanted to quit
grad school
until Doug told me
the story of Plunkett.
Which inspired me to stay.
GUESTS:
Aw.JIMMY:
He inspired us all.When he wasn't
hitting those books,
old Doug-town was teaching
us all how to have fun.
JIMMY:
Yeah, he was.BRONSTEIN:
Doug-man.(LAUGHING)
JIMMY:
I think we savedthe best for last.
This last shot is
actually my favorite.
This was a historic guy trip
with my closest friend.
As you can see
in this picture
and in all
the other pictures,
Doug is smiling,
but I think we can
all agree that in this shot,
that smile got
a whole lot brighter.
(GUESTS EXCLAIMING)
I love you, bud.
(GUESTS CHEERING)
I was a bit surprised
when I met your groomsmen.
I mean, actually, terrified.
Like, "Wah! What is that?"
But I've got to say,
they're really good guys.
(CLATTERS)
Oops.
(CLEARS THROAT)
DOUG:
Honey, are you there?GRETCHEN:
I'm definitely going tohave Alison be my maid of honor.
I mean, no one
can fight over that.
But, babe, what about you? Who's
going to be your best man?
Uh...
Mitchum. Bic Mitchum.
Who?
(SPITS)
You know Bic. Bic Mitchum.
He's a buddy of mine
from Stanford.
No, I've never heard
of Bic Mitchum.
Didn't you meet Bic: at that...
I met Bic?
You know, maybe on second thought,
you didn't meet Bio because...
Because why?
He's overseas,
uh, in the military.
Oh, you know what?
Now that you mention it...
I think you have said
something about him.
Isn't he a priest
or something?
Yeah. That's right.
Yeah, I knew it.
He's a priest overseas
in the military.
GRETCHEN:
But ourWedding's in 10 days.
DOUG:
But Bic's still in...Uh, El Salvador.
Bic is flying in
tomorrow morning.
In April I was in the Middle East.
Muffin juice.
Bring him to lunch with you. No!
(SCREAMING)
GRETCHEN:
lam...Oh, my God!
...dying to
finally meet this guy.
(LAUGHING)
I'm dying to finally
meet all your friends.
Who the hell are those guys?
Those are my friends.
groomsmen's information.
GRETCHEN:
Those areI've ever seen in my life.
DOUG:
Your friendsare gonna be there.
My friends are
all gonna be there.
DOUG:
(ON PHONE) Sweetie.Hey-Hon?
Gretchen, are you there?
Doug-
Don't you think
it's a bit strange
that you use Bic razors
and Mitchum deodorant,
and your best man's
name is Bic Mitchum?
Well, if your best friend
I bet you wouldn't
use Log Cabin syrup
or Aquafresh toothpaste,
would you?
It's called loyalty.
Hey, sweetie, listen,
you're just overstressed.
Why don't you get some sleep?
I'll see you tomorrow
for our big day. Okay?
Okay, bye.
Bye, sweetie.
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
BRONSTEIN:
I saw the light on the night
that I passed
by her window
I saw the flickering shadows
of love on her blind
Bum-bum, da-da-a
She was my woman
(LAUGHING)
As she deceived me
I watched and
went out of my mind
DOUG:
And I said,"it's called loyalty."
I didn't teach you that.
No, that can't be taught.
You're born with that.
You look good, man.
Thank you. I wish I could
say the same for you.
(LAUGHING)
So, you know,
as I'm getting dressed,
insane what we're doing is.
You just started
thinking that?
Well, I mean,
she's going to be my wife.
Shouldn't I be able
to tell her the truth?
I mean, the key
to relationships
is being honest, you know?
Up to a point.
It's all about making
her happy, Doug. All right?
Come on.
Let's go get you married.
Ah.
You look good, man.
(EXHALES)
ALL:
' My, my, my, Delilah
Why, why...
Hey, fellows.
Gather around.
Hey, hey. Guys, guys.
(ALL CONGRATULATING)
This is one of
the few times that
you're actually going
to hear me be honest.
Nine days ago, I didn't think
a Golden Tux was possible.
But in less than an hour,
we're going to have
200 unsuspecting guests
filling those pews to celebrate
some holy matrimony.
Which means that from this moment
on, we are flawless, gentlemen.
Have each other's
backs out there.
LURCH:
Support each other.Remember your HW2's,
your boomerangs,
and your Party Trick
Distractions.
Drysdale, set it off.
What time is it?
It's game time!
I said,
what time is it?
ALL:
It's game time!Guys, guys,
I'm down here. Guys.
(ALL CHEERING)
Douglas! Hi!
Perfect timing.
I was just telling
Papa Bear here
that we did have a little
bit of a "scandal"
with Father O'Brien.
He will not be able to
officiate the wedding.
But it's okay.
Rest assured,
I have everything
under control
he has agreed to step
as a replacement
of the shoes
of Father O'Brien.
Hello,Doug.
Hi. Great to meet you.
Father McNulty is
a wonderful priest.
I'm just happy the big day's finally
here, to be honest with you.
I would love for you
to meet all my friends.
This is my best man, Bic.
Uh, Bic must have
gone a different way.
Uh, would you guys mind
going to look for Bic?
I'd love for him to be
caught up on all this.
KIP:
I'm going to gosee if he's praying.
What is going on?
What the hell is
How do you know
Father McNulty?
Because he was my principal
at Benjamin Rush.
I spent half my damn middle school
years in his principal's office.
Please, please tell me
that you are kidding me.
This cannot be happening right now.
I need you to fix this.
What you want me to do?
If I go out there,
he knows I'm not
Bic Mitchum.
Shh! Wait. Wait.
I think I have an idea.
(DOOR OPENS)
Father McNulty?
Yes.
FITZGIBBONS:
Go, go, go.(CAMERA CLICKING)
(BODY THUDS)
REGGIE:
Oh, sh*t!200 grand out the door,
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"The Wedding Ringer" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_wedding_ringer_21622>.
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