The Yes Men Fix the World Page #6

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TO BE A CANDLE.

There's just so many

uses for a candle.

I MEAN, LIKE IF YOU WAN SOMETHING ROMANTIC,

LIKE THAT'D BE NICE TO KNOW

I WAS A CANDLE ON A TABLE.

YOU KNOW, WHEN PEOPLE--

WHEN THEY FIRST MET EACH OTHER

ON A DATE.

I THINK THAT'D BE GREAT.

THIS IS A FUNERARY OBSERVANCE.

I MEAN, THIS GUY DIED.

- SWITCH THIS OFF BEFORE I DO.

- THIS MAN DIED!

"IT'S PEOPLE."

IT REALLY IS.

HOW IS IT?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M VERY SORRY,

BUT WE'VE BEEN CUT OFF.

APPARENTLY WE'RE NOT ALLOWED

TO HAVE A FUNERARY OBSERVANCE

FOR A MAN WHO'S DIED

TO MAKE A PRODUCT POSSIBLE.

AND I'M-- I'M BEING--

WHY-- ARE YOU ALLOWED

TO DO THAT TO ME?

I-- WHAT--

- GOOD JOB.

THE REMAINING 20 IS JUST,

YOU KNOW, BINDERS--

BONDERS TO KEEP:

IT TOGETHER.

WE HAVE TO THINK--

- COME WITH US, PLEASE.

- SURE.

- WOW.

- BOY, OH BOY.

NOW!

THANK YOU.

- HEY.

- SHUT IT DOWN.

- DON'T TOUCH MY CAMERA.

- SHUT IT DOWN.

NOW.

HAD WE ACTUALLY MADE

THE OIL PEOPLE:

THINK ABOUT WHA THEY WERE DOING?

IT WAS HARD TO TELL.

AND THERE WASN'T MUCH

TIME LEFT TO FIGURE IT OUT.

BIG OIL WAS ALREADY

DESTROYING THE PLANET,

AND NOT JUST BY:

SPEEDING UP CLIMATE CHANGE.

THIS HOUSE RIGHT HERE,

IT USED TO BE ON THIS SIDE.

- YEAH, BUT WHERE?

- IT WAS OVER HERE.

IT MOVED OVER THERE.

I COULD ONLY TAKE I TWO OR THREE DAYS

A WEEK COMING:

DOWN HERE TO WORK

AND THIS YEAR:

FOR HUNTING SEASON,

I DIDN'T KILL NOTHING.

I JUST WASN' IN THE MOOD TO KILL.

AND I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING

ELSE THAT WAS DEAD.

JUST WASN'T IN THE MOOD.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW.

NOT THAT I'M A BIG KILLER,

BUT I LIKE KILLING STUFF.

- YEAH.

IT'S REALLY JUST AMAZING.

WHEN YOU GO DOWNRIVER,

SOME OF THE PONDS WE USED

TO FISH IN ARE NOW ALMOS LIKE A BAY.

FOR DECADES, THE GOVERNMENT HAD

IGNORED SCIENTISTS' WARNINGS

AND LET INDUSTRY CARVE UP

THE WETLANDS:

THAT PROTECTED:

NEW ORLEANS FROM STORMS.

Mark Davis:

ABOUT A MILLION:

ACRES OF LAND:

HAS DISAPPEARED:

SINCE 1930.

IT WAS DONE CANAL BY CANAL,

OIL FIELD BY OIL FIELD,

PORT BY PORT,

PARCEL BY PARCEL.

IT WAS, IF YOU WILL,

DEATH BY 1,000 CUTS.

THE GOVERNING MINDSET,

CULTURALLY AND LEGALLY,

WAS IF THERE'S AN IMPACT,

WE'LL DEAL WITH IT LATER.

AND IN SOME WAYS

THIS IS A PREVIEW

OF WHAT THE REST OF THIS COUNTRY

AND THE REST OF THE WORLD

HAVE IN STORE FOR THEM.

WHEN KATRINA HIT,

THE WETLANDS WEREN'T THERE

TO DIMINISH ITS FORCE

AND THE LEVEES DIDN' STAND A CHANCE.

SO THE REAL CULPRI FOR THE DESTRUCTION

OF NEW ORLEANS:

WASN'T JUS A BIG HURRICANE,

BUT GREED DRESSED UP

AS PROGRESS.

WHAT PRODUCED THIS TREMENDOUS

IMPROVEMENT IN TECHNOLOGY?

IT WAS SELF-INTERES OR, IF YOU PREFER, GREED--

THE GREED OF PRODUCERS

WHO WANTED TO PRODUCE SOMETHING

THAT THEY COULD:

MAKE A DOLLAR ON.

GREED HAD CAUSED

THE BIGGEST CATASTROPHE

EVER TO HIT THE U.S.

AND NOW THE GOVERNMEN WAS HANDING OU BILLIONS OF DOLLARS

IN REBUILDING CONTRACTS.

IN OTHER WORDS,

LETTING GREED SOLVE

THE PROBLEM.

THERE HAS BEEN:

THIS IDEA THAT IT IS

GOVERNMENT'S RESPONSIBILITY

TO REPLAN THE CONSTRUCTION

OF NEW ORLEANS.

IT'S BETTER TO LEAVE I TO THE MARKET.

WE WANTED TO TAKE A CLOSER

LOOK AT HOW THE MARKE WAS FIXING

THE U.S. GULF COAST.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY

TO THE GULF COAS RECONSTRUCTION CONFERENCE

AT THE WASHINGTON

CONVENTION CENTER.

WE'RE GOING TO TALK TO

A NUMBER OF PEOPLE

WHO ARE BUSY:

RECONSTRUCTING NEW ORLEANS.

- YEAH, WATCH OUT.

THERE ARE MANY SILVER-LININGS

TO THIS HORRENDOUS DISASTER,

AND WITH IT HAS COME

AN INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY.

I'M OPTIMISTIC WHEN I SEE

A ROOMFUL OF FOLKS

WHO WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE

OF THE OPPORTUNITIES.

AND THAT'S A GOOD THING

FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE.

IT'S A GREAT THING.

WELL, YOU KNOW,

IT'S LIKE THE ISRAELIS SAY:

ONCE IN A WHILE:

A GOOD CRISIS IS NOT BAD;

YOU COME UP:

WITH NEW THINGS.

WE WERE SEEING A LO OF NEW THINGS.

BUT WASN'T THIS SUPPOSED

TO BE ABOUT GULF COAS RECONSTRUCTION?

WE'RE ESPECIALLY INTERESTED

IN GULF COAST RECONSTRUCTION.

AND, UH, IS THIS--

DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING

TO DO WITH THAT?

THIS IS FOR BOMB DETONATION

AND AMMUNITION STORAGE.

PERIMETER:

AND PHYSICAL SECURITY,

MAINLY ANTI-RAM

ROADBLOCKERS.

THIS PARTICULAR UNIT CAN BE

USED IN MILITARY APPLICATIONS.

WOW. SO IT'S A REAL

CATASTROPHE TOILET,

BASICALLY.

ALL THIS STUFF WOULD BE GREA FOR THE PEOPLE OF NEW ORLEANS

IF THEY WERE GONNA

FIGHT A WAR.

WHERE WAS THE STUFF

ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE?

- AH, HERE IT WAS.

THE PAVILION:

FROM CENTRAL ASIA.

KYRGYZ'S PEOPLE ARE

READY TO HELP:

THE PEOPLE OF LOUISIANA,

MISSISSIPPI AND ALABAMA.

BY ERECTING YURTS

THERE FOR THEM AS

A TEMPORARY SHELTER.

AND HERE'S THE YURT.

- OH MY GOSH.

- THIS IS IT.

YOU CAN COVER IT UP.

YOU CAN BUILD A FIRE--

YOU CAN OPEN IT UP.

AND IF THERE'S A FLOOD,

YOU CAN JUST TAKE IT UP

IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.

- THEY'RE INTERESTED IN SENDING

ONE FREE OF CHARGE...

- GREAT.

- ...TO LOUISIANA AS A TES IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

- THANK YOU.

- YEP.

- NO!

THE YURT WAS THE ONLY SOLUTION

HERE ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE.

BUT THE GOVERNMENT REPS

DIDN'T SEEM VERY INTERESTED.

THERE'S NO MONEY

IN YURTS.

WE DECIDED WE COULD OUTDO

EVERYONE AT THIS CONFERENCE

AND BEAT THE FREE MARKE AT ITS OWN GAME.

WE WOULD INVENT THE ULTIMATE

DISASTER TECHNOLOGY:

A DEVICE SO SOPHISTICATED

IT COULD PROTECT ANYONE

FROM PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.

BUT IT WOULD COST SO MUCH

THAT ONLY THE RICHES BUSINESSMEN COULD AFFORD IT.

- THEY KIND OF

JUST FLATTEN OUT.

- YEAH.

THE ONLY QUESTION WAS,

WHAT COMPANY WOULD MAKE

SUCH A THING?

You've got to think

Halliburton.

For they are the ones

who do the research

to make the mud

to build the tool

to run in the well

to make the test

to log the zone

to set the packers,

cement the pipe

and fire the gun,

to perforate,

to pump the gel

that carries the sand

that props the frac,

completes the well to

produce the crude

that runs the world

for all the people

all over the earth

who live in the house

that oil built.

HALLIBURTON HAS BEEN

THE WORLD LEADER

IN EXTRACTING PROFI FROM EVERY KIND OF DISASTER.

THEY MADE BILLIONS OFF

THE FIRST GULF WAR

AND ITS SEQUEL,

AND HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS

OFF KATRINA--

ALL PAID FOR:

BY THE U.S. GOVERNMENT,

WHOSE VICE PRESIDENT WAS

ONCE THEIR OWN C.E.O..

IF ANYONE COULD:

MAKE A KILLING:

FROM TOTAL DISASTER,

HALLIBURTON WOULD

BE THE ONE.

THIS MORNING WE GOT UP

REALLY EARLY,

DROVE UP:

TO THE VERY FANCY HOTEL

WHICH SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS

BECAUSE THEY THREATENED US

IF WE USE THE MATERIAL...

WITH THEIR NAME.

BUT, YOU KNOW, WHAT--

WHAT'S IT CALLED,

BASICALLY, THE HOTEL?

- RITZ-CARLTON.

- RITZ-CARLTON, THAT ONE.

- HOW ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M NORTHROP GOODY.

I'M HERE WITH HALLIBURTON,

WITH FRED WOLF.

I'M JUST HELPING

DEMO A PRODUCT.

WOULD EITHER:

ONE OF YOU MIND:

HELPING US:

DEMO THE SUITS?

WE HAVE THREE OF THEM.

SO YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY

STEP INTO IT, PULL IT ON.

- IT'S KIND OF LIKE A COVERALL.

- I'LL WEAR IT.

- YOU'LL WEAR IT?

ALL RIGHT, GREAT.

- I'LL WEAR IT.

- NO PROBLEM.

- YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT.

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