The Yes Men Fix the World Page #7

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- YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD SPORT.

- NO PROBLEM.

THE CATASTROPHIC LOSS

CONFERENCE:

WAS FOR INSURANCE PEOPLE.

THEY KNEW NUMBER

AND WE WERE ABOU TO SHOW THEM SOME

PRETTY SIMPLE MATH.

WITH GILDA,

WE'D TRIED SCARY.

WITH REGGIE,

WE TRIED GROSS.

NOW WE WOULD GO:

FOR RIDICULOUS.

UH, WE REALLY APPRECIATE

BEING INVITED TO SPEAK

ON THIS PANEL.

UM, A LOT OF YOU WORK

WITH THE INSURANCE INDUSTRY,

OF COURSE.

INSURANCE HAS BECOME

EXTREMELY WORRIED

ABOUT SOME GRAVE

NEW DANGERS TO PEOPLE

THAT WE'RE SEEING IN THE WORLD

AROUND US TODAY.

AND I'M OF COURSE TALKING

ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE

AND THE DISASTERS

THAT IT BRINGS.

BUT I CAN PERSONALLY

GUARANTEE YOU:

THAT LEVEL HEADS WILL ALWAYS

BE ABLE TO TURN LEMONS

INTO LEMONADE.

CONSIDER THE BLACK PLAGUE.

THIS WAS AN UNSPEAKABLY

ROTTEN EVENT, OF COURSE,

IN WHICH ONE-THIRD

OF EUROPE'S POPULATION

DIED IN GREAT AGONY.

NO ONE, OF COURSE,

WOULD WISH SUCH A THING

ON ANY CIVILIZATION.

YET WITHOUT IT--

WITHOUT THE BLACK PLAGUE--

THE OLD BUSINESS MODELS

OF EUROPE WOULD NEVER HAVE

BEEN OVERTURNED:

BY THE ENTREPRENEURS

OF THE RENAISSANCE.

AND WHAT WOULD THE WORLD BE

WITHOUT THE MONA LISA?

OR CLOSER TO HOME,

HOW ABOU THE GREAT DELUGE?

THIS WORLD-ENDING DISASTER--

LITERALLY--

WAS SURELY SEEN AS

A TERRIBLE CATASTROPHE

BY NOAH'S CONTEMPORARIES,

AND PERHAPS:

BY NOAH HIMSELF.

YET NOAH WAS READY

TO SEIZE THE DAY.

AND AT THE END OF THAT DAY,

NOT ONLY WAS THERE

A WHOLE NEW WORLD,

BUT NOAH FOUND HIMSELF

WITH A MONOPOLY OF THE ANIMALS.

FOR THOSE OF US IN POSITIONS

OF RESPONSIBILITY, HOWEVER,

WHO MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE

CHARGE IN A CRISIS,

EVEN MORE INNOVATIVE SOLUTIONS

ARE NECESSARY.

I'D LIKE NOW

TO INTRODUCE MY COLLEAGUE,

DR. NORTHROP GOODY,

WHO'S THE HEAD OF OUR

EMERGENCY PRODUCTS

DEVELOPMENT UNI AT HALLIBURTON.

AND DR. GOODY WILL BE

SHOWING SOME MOCK-UPS

- OF SOME ITEMS THA HIS UNIT HAS DEVELOPED.

WE WANT SOMETHING THAT'S GOING

TO BE ABLE TO SAVE A HUMAN BEING

NO MATTER WHAT MOTHER NATURE

THROWS AT HIM.

AND SO THIS IS THE ANSWER.

THIS IS THE HALLIBURTON

SURVIVABALL.

IT'S THREE EASY STEPS

FOR DEPLOYMENT:
SUITING UP,

INFLATING:

AND OF COURSE LAUNCHING--

LAUNCHING OU OF A BUILDING. AND WE HAVE

AN ARTIST'S RENDITION

OF WHAT IT MIGHT BE LIKE

IN HOUSTON WHEN WE LAUNCH

OUR SURVIVABALLS.

IN THE EVEN OF EXTREME CATASTROPHE,

THERE MIGHT BE:

A SCARCITY OF RESOURCES.

IN THIS CASE, WE'VE GO A SURVIVABALL HERE...

- ( moos )

- ...THAT'S GOING UP

AND EXTRACTING RESOURCES,

IN THIS CASE,

FROM AN ANIMAL.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE

EXPOSED TO THE ELEMENTS,

BUT YOU STILL WANT TO BE ABLE

TO EXTRACT RESOURCES

FROM, FOR EXAMPLE,

A COW.

THEY'RE GOING TO BE ABLE

TO GO UNDERWATER,

RATED AT 50'.

THEY CAN BE USED

IN ANY CONDITION.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER

YOU'RE IN A LANDSLIDE

IN CALIFORNIA:

OR EVEN IN THE ARCTIC.

OF COURSE ANY OTHER CONDITIONS,

WHETHER IT'S TSUNAMIS

OR TORNADOES,

THE SURVIVABALL IS

DESIGNED TO WITHSTAND.

BUT THE BEST PAR OF THE SURVIVABALL

IS THAT PEOPLE:

NEED PEOPLE.

AND SO OUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION

FOR THE WAY THAT A COMMUNITY

SHOULD WORK:

WITH SURVIVABALLS

COMES FROM BIOLOGY.

UM, AS SOME OF YOU

PROBABLY KNOW:

AMOEBAS GATHER TOGETHER

AND ACTUALLY FORM ANOTHER BODY.

THEY AGGREGATE.

AND SO THESE ONE-CELLED

ORGANISMS:

COME TOGETHER:

AS A SINGLE BODY.

FOR EXAMPLE,

HERE'S A RAFT FORMATION

OF SURVIVABALLS:

IN THE OCEAN-- FLOATING,

COMMUNICATING,

EXCHANGING NUTRIENTS,

DIFFERENTIATING FUNCTION.

LAST OF ALL,

THIS IS LITERALLY THOUSANDS

OF SURVIVABALLS:

DANCING THROUGH:

THE STREETS.

AND WE'LL BE HAPPY

TO TAKE ANY QUESTIONS

SO IF THERE ARE:

ANY MORE TECHNICAL ONES

FOR NORTHROP HERE

OR GENERAL ONES.

YEP.

IF YOU COULD DEMONSTRATE

THE TURTLE POSITION, PLEASE,

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

BASICALLY:

IF YOU DUCK DOWN--

YEAH, A VISOR,

HEADS-UP DISPLAY,

THE WHOLE THING.

- YEAH.

- WELL, YEAH.

HI.

- NORTHROP.

- CAREY. HOW ARE YOU?

IT DOES.

THAT'S IT.

MUCH MORE SO:

THAN KATRINA.

YEAH.

YEAH, WELL, I MEAN...

WE'D DONE ALL WE COULD

TO SHOW THESE PEOPLE

WHAT SUCKED:

ABOUT LETTING GREED

RUN OUR FUTURE...

- OH DEAR.

- ...BUT INSTEAD

OF FREAKING OUT,

THEY JUST TOOK:

OUR BUSINESS CARDS.

HELLO. WONDERFUL.

AND IF YOU WANT TO TAKE

ONE OF MINE HERE?

OUR EFFORT HAD BEEN

A FAILURE.

IT'S NOT VERY

WELL ARTICULATED, REALLY.

AND COME TO THINK OF IT,

ALL OF OUR EFFORTS

HAD BEEN FAILURES.

BUT YOU KNOW,

A YES MAN NEVER GIVES UP.

WE KNEW WE COULD DO IT.

ALL WE NEEDED WAS

A WHOLE NEW APPROACH.

MAYBE MAKING FUN OF STUPID

IDEAS WAS A STUPID IDEA.

WE HAD TO GET SMART,

BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WITH

THE REALLY STUPID IDEAS

WERE VERY VERY SMART.

FOR FRIEDMAN:

AND HIS FOLLOWERS,

DISASTER WAS NOT JUS A CHANCE TO GET RICH,

BUT AN OPPORTUNITY

TO PUSH THROUGH:

ALL KINDS:

OF UNPOPULAR POLICIES,

LIKE PRIVATIZING

PUBLIC SCHOOLS,

SHUTTING DOWN:

PUBLIC HOSPITALS,

AND KICKING PEOPLE

OUT OF THEIR HOMES.

THIS IS THE LAFITTE

HOUSING PROJECT.

IT SURVIVED KATRINA INTACT.

THAT WAS LUCKY FOR

THE THOUSANDS OF RESIDENTS

WHO WANTED TO COME HOME

AND REBUILD.

SO WHAT DID:

THE GOVERNMENT DO?

THEY DECIDED:

TO TEAR IT DOWN.

THE DISASTER FOR US

STARTED AFTER THE STORM...

- UH-HUH.

- ...WHEN PEOPLE FOUND OUT THA YOU WERE GONNA BE MAROONED

IN A STRANGE FOREIGN CITY,

WANTING TO COME HOME,

AND THE GOVERNMENT WAS GOING

TO TAKE YOUR HOME AWAY.

THIS WAS OURS BEFORE THE STORM.

AND WHEN STORMS HAPPEN

EVERYWHERE ELSE,

PEOPLE GET A CHANCE TO GO

BACK HOME-- THIS IS HOME TO US.

WHY DO THEY TAKE AWAY OUR PRIDE

AND JOY? THEY DON'T KNOW WHA PEOPLE ARE GOING THROUGH.

Wade Rathke:

THERE'S A WHOLE CITY

THAT'S WASHED AWAY.

NOW YOU'VE GOTTA REBUILD

THE WHOLE THING.

PART OF WHAT THIS WAS

WAS IF YOU EVER HAD AN IDEA

THAT YOU COULDN'T GET THROUGH

BEFORE THE STORM,

WELL, THE STORM MEANT THA EVERYTHING WAS TOSSED SALAD.

SO IF THIS IDEA HAD BEEN

ROUNDLY REJECTED BY THE CITY

AND BY VOTERS:

AND WHATEVER,

BUT NOW'S YOUR CHANCE

TO SNEAK ON IN.

WHEN RESIDENTS TRIED

TO COME HOME AFTER KATRINA,

THEY FOUND THEMSELVES

LOCKED OUT BY HUD,

THE U.S. GOVERNMENT'S

DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING

AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT.

Pres Kabacoff:

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMEN CAME UP WITH A PROGRAM

TO DISMANTLE:

PUBLIC HOUSING:

AND PRIVATIZE IT.

AND THAT'S

WHAT WE'RE DOING.

AND SO YOU'VE GO TO DEVELOP A NICE COMMUNITY

SO THAT THE POOR HAVE

AN OPPORTUNITY TO LIVE

IN AN ENVIRONMEN WHERE PEOPLE WORK,

THAT THEY'RE PART OF

THE AMERICAN DREAM.

AND YOU'LL GE A NUMBER OF FOLKS

THAT ARE NOT USED TO

THE TYPE OF LIFESTYLE

THAT WE ALL LIVE,

WHERE TRASH IS THROWN

ON THE GROUND:

OR CURSING OFF:

OF THE BALCONY.

THE IDEA REALLY IS

TO PROVIDE ROLE MODELS,

ESSENTIALLY,

- FOR POOR FOLKS, RIGHT?

- ABSOLUTELY.

ON THE B.B.C.,

WE TRIED TO SHOW

THAT COMPANIES COULD

BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY.

AND WE'D LEARNED THAT THEY

COULDN' UNTIL GOVERNMENT MADE RULES

TO CONTROL THEM.

YET EVEN HERE:

IN NEW ORLEANS,

WHERE HELP WAS MOST NEEDED,

GOVERNMENT WAS ALSO DRINKING

THE FREE-MARKET KOOL-AID.

I BELIEVE IN:

A MARKET-DRIVEN PROCESS.

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