This Is 40 Page #10

Would we?

Okay.

You know what? I don't

want to have a party here.

You need to cancel it.

No, I'm not.

I already paid for the catering.

I've put down deposits.

And I sure as f*** am not gonna

call everybody back in two days

when you change your mind.

Your girlfriend is not ugly.

Actually, Larry, she's

not my girlfriend. She's just a...

It's cool, buddy. You don't have

to explain your girlfriend to me.

Can you please stop

licking your fingers?

Do you know how many

germs are on your hands?

And you're putting

them into your mouth.

That's gross. Stop.

Stop it!

I'm gonna kill you!

Hey! Sadie,

enough, all right?

She isn't hurting anyone.

You want to say something,

just keep your mouth shut.

You have never been nice to her

and now she's getting

aggressive with you.

I told you this would happen.

I'm sick of everybody fighting.

What do you think you're gonna

be like when you grow up?

I don't know. Um...

I don't know.

Do you think you want kids?

Mm-hmm. Just one.

Just one, why?

Because if I have two, then the other

will fight with the other one.

Does it make you

sad when you fight?

Mm-hmm. I don't want

anyone to fight.

I love you.

Why isn't anybody talking?

Why is it so quiet?

It's the Sounds of Silence.

Will you stop, Dad?

How many of those

are you gonna eat?

As many as I want.

I'm gonna tell Mom on you.

Try it. See what

you get for Christmas.

Nothing.

Snitches wind up in ditches.

Remember that.

Hey, Peter.

Hi.

Hiya.

All right. See you.

Have a good one.

Peter.

Peter!

Hi.

Catherine.

I'm Joseph's mother.

Oh, right. No, I know.

Hi, Catherine.

Our kids have gone to school

together for eight years.

Sorry.

Hello, Joseph.

I hear our kids have

been chatting online.

Yeah? I heard that your wife

has been screaming at my son.

And I don't appreciate it.

Excuse me?

She screamed at my son.

Right? She threatened you. She screamed at you.

She cursed at him.

He's 13 years old,

for God's sake.

What the hell is

the matter with her?

Okay, you better check

her meds and get 'em right.

Okay, you know what? Why

don't you back the f*** off?

Because that's my lovely, sweet

wife you're talking about.

Oh, I need to back off?

Yeah, you need to back off.

Because your kid is an animal.

He's a f***ing animal.

Why don't you

put him on a leash?

Turn around,

turn around, turn around!

If he insults my

daughter again,

I'm gonna hit him

with my f***ing car.

Got it?

In fact, if you insult my wife

again, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna show up at your

house when you're sleeping

and I'll take your iPad

or your iPod or your iMac

and I'll shove them

up your f***ing iCunt.

I got nothing to lose.

Your kid is the problem.

My kid is a f***ing angel.

Turn around.

I don't have

time for this sh*t.

So I'm keeping it together, but if

I wasn't at school right now...

Touch my... Touch me?

I didn't touch your...

You touched my upper breast.

I didn't. I didn't. I got

right below your shoulder.

You got right here. You actually...

He hit my nipple.

You what?

You're insane.

Why would you do that? Did you

just touch my mom's nipple?

He just touched my nipple.

Why would you do that to me?

I poked you on the shoulder.

I have very high nipples.

I touched your shirt.

What do you think

is under my shirt?

I just... My breasts

are under my shirt.

Your shoulder. Your shoulder.

He just touched my breast.

Well, that's a funny place to

put a shoulder, on my boob.

Hello? There are

children around.

This isn't over. This is not over.

You're gonna be sorry.

Let's go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

And why the f***

would you believe Desi?

You just admitted it.

Did I?

You stole $12,000 from me, Jodi,

and I need you to pay me back.

Could you at least

give me a referral?

You babysat my kids

while you were on OxyContin.

Oxycodone.

Well, oxycodone.

Oxycotton.

OxyContin?

Oxykitten.

What's Oxykitten?

Meow.

Jodi, you put me in danger.

Me and my family.

It was a cry for help.

Help. Help.

Why don't you help me?

Why don't you help me?

Just help.

Just help.

You didn't help me.

Are you high right now?

Help me.

Is that about me?

Is that the cops?

Is this a set-up?

I need to go.

Okay, see you later.

F*** you, Debbie.

F*** you.

Could you see it in your heart

to lend me some money?

I would love to lend you money, but...

Thank you.

I mean, there's no way I could.

Why?

I just wouldn't wanna

jeopardize a relationship

with somebody that I care

about by giving them money.

I mean, look how far we've come

that you could come to me for advice

and be able to ask me to borrow money.

Let me ask you a question. Who do

you like better Simon or Garfunkel?

Garfunkel.

Really? Garfunkel?

Yeah, he's got

the voice of an angel.

He's got a great voice, but what about Simon?

He wrote the songs.

Who cares? Everybody writes songs.

How many singers are there?

Simon's a good singer, too. Art

Garfunkel is a choir all in one man.

Have you ever hear Paul Simon

sing Bridge Over Troubled Water

in concert by himself? It's a nightmare.

It's like nails on a chalkboard.

Is there a chance I'm just

wrong about everything?

Definitely. Of course.

Absolutely.

Joseph was very upset when

I spoke to him about this.

So I thought it

was important that we

join together and

work this through.

Absolutely.

We're gonna work through it,

but Debbie told my son that

he looked like Tom Petty,

in a negative way.

Who's Tom Petty? You

know who Tom Petty is.

And she said that if she had to

come back that she was going to...

"F" up his p*ssy-ass,

which is what she said.

Oh, my...

Are you serious?

I didn't. I would never.

To a child?

Your son has been defiling my daughter's

Facebook page now for months.

These people are liars.

He said that my

son was an animal

and that if I didn't

keep him on a leash,

that he would hit

him with his car.

Did you say that?

That's ridiculous.

Who talks like that?

You do.

He didn't say that.

He said it to me.

No. What I said was that we need

to keep an extra eye on our kids

because with all

the technological advances,

they need to learn to

use them responsibly.

No. What he said to me was...

He called me an iCunt.

A what? Language, Catherine!

Language.

I'm quoting!

How am I gonna relay

what these two nutballs

said to me, unless I say it?

Can you please not

talk like that, Catherine?

Music Man is

rehearsing next door.

Sorry, f***ing Music Man.

Maybe if I looked more like

this fake bullshit couple.

Looks like they're

in a bank commercial.

That's what you look like.

Like you're a bullshit

bank commercial couple.

None of this

talk is productive.

I would like to rear up

and jackknife my legs

and kick you both in the

f***ing jaw with my foot bone.

You're just really scaring me.

This is what happens

when you corner a rat.

You corner me, I will

f***ing chew through you.

I'll chew through you.

Catherine,

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