This Is 40 Page #12

Oh. Of course.

Larry, this is my father.

Really? How are you?

Oliver.

Oliver?

"Can I have some more?"

"Please, Oliver?

I need a little more, sir."

I love that movie. You must

get that all the time.

Not really. JACK: My

nose itches right here.

I'm sorry, excuse me. I'm

Claire and I'm Larry's wife.

Very nice to see you,

but I'm gonna go get the kids.

We won't see her

now for the whole day.

I'd help, honey, but you know

I got the blood pressure,

and I don't want to.

Can I get you a drink, Dad?

Yeah, a little white wine.

White wine?

Yeah.

Heavy stuff.

Yeah.

So, who knew that

Debbie had a dad?

Where have you

been for 15 years?

Never seen you at Hanukah or

Christmas or Ramadan, nothing.

How you get out of all that stuff?

Do you have a wife?

Yeah, my wife's at home.

Why didn't she come?

Uh, construction.

They're sanding our deck.

You let the woman

sand the deck?

She supervises it. Yes.

Okay.

Hey, guys.

Hey! Look how big

the kids are!

Sadie!

Hi, Larry.

Hi, Sadie.

Mom. Who's Oliver?

What do you mean?

Is he your dad?

Is he my...

He's my biological father.

What does that mean?

It means that my mom,

Grandma...

He and my mom had a baby,

and that was me.

Oh, so you're our grandpa?

Well, why don't

you ask your mother?

Yeah. I guess so.

Then that would make him

your grandfather then, yes.

Do you want him to be?

Yes, then we get

another grandpa.

Come on.

Well...

Another grandpa.

Trampoline time.

That was deeply uncomfortable.

At least that pretty girl was

here to divert our attention.

Oh, my gosh. Hi.

Me, oh, my.

I did not see you there.

Hi.

I saw you there.

Did you guys come together?

Are you a couple?

No, we didn't come together.

No, absolutely not.

I'm sorry, I thought...

The moustache is a little...

- Mmm. That's fair.

- I just assumed.

This is

a straight-man moustache.

What is the difference between

a gay man's moustache

and a straight man's moustache?

The smell.

Uh, excuse me.

So, spinal surgery.

It just seems to me to be at

the top of the surgery chain.

Well, we're not

cardio, we're not neuro,

but I like to think we're an

important part of the spectrum.

Do you operate every single day?

Most days.

Multiple times a day?

Three, four times.

So, what's the price range?

Like, if I wanted a...

I'd rather not say.

It's so big,

you're embarrassed to say.

I wouldn't say "embarrassed."

Are there hunchbacks today?

Of course.

I've never seen one.

Well, that's because

there are spinal surgeons.

That's because of you.

Each time I don't

see a hunchback,

you're getting

that much richer.

You like The Beatles,

don't you?

Who doesn't like The Beatles?

Nobody.

No, nobody.

So funny. You're so funny.

What is your sun sign?

Libra.

Oh, boy.

That's not good.

No, sir.

That's not good. Not for

me, that's not good.

Sexually, we're

completely incompatible.

That's not true.

Right?

That's such a shame.

Yeah, it's as bad as it gets.

You don't know.

What is yours?

I'm a Cancer.

Really?

Is that good?

Wow.

What does it mean?

That's kind of strange.

Well...

Taurus and Cancers are, sort

of, soul mates of the Zodiac.

We're, like,

perfectly compatible.

And I balance what you lack and

you make up for what I lack.

And a quiet Cancer almost

always has a huge penis.

You're making me embarrassed.

Thank you.

Thank you.

No. Fantastic.

Oh, I wanted to make a toast.

Thank you guys for coming.

Thank you so much.

Pete's turning 40.

Weird.

And we're ready to start this new

phase of our lives with open hearts.

Ready to just choose joy

and forgive everybody.

So, thank you all for coming.

Wait. Forgive who?

I think she just

means in a general sense.

You know, just put

the past behind us...

And live without resentment.

But, specifically,

who are you forgiving?

I just like to know the details

before I make a toast.

Right. You and my dad

and, you know, others.

I see.

Well, I know you have

some issues with me,

but I'm curious,

what's he in for?

Before today, nobody

even knew he existed.

Well, my parents divorced

when I was really young

and we don't spend much time together

and I'd like to work on that.

Just like we

would like to work on

how you have financial issues.

She's talking about all the

lending and the borrowing and...

I know what she meant.

You are a beautiful woman, but

you are not totally maxed out.

I would say,

honestly, you're a six.

Oh.

A six-and-a-half.

I could make you an 11.

Really?

When I found Deb, she was a 7.

And now she's a 12.

I wanna be a 12.

You can't be lazy.

I don't wanna be lazy.

Look at me.

You cannot be lazy.

I won't be lazy.

Do you know how she got her body?

How?

Bodies by Jason.

Wow.

Say it.

Bodies by Jason.

Say it again.

Bodies by Jason.

And now just say, "Jason"

Jason.

Again.

Jason.

That sounds right, doesn't it?

Yeah.

What the f*** is

happening right now?

When was the last time you two

saw each other? I'm curious.

Actually, we had lunch

together last week. Uh-huh.

And before that?

It's been about seven years.

Seven years?

That's a joke, right?

That's like two Olympics.

But I'm the bad guy.

All right, Dad.

What Debbie doesn't understand is

it's not bad to help out a parent.

And it's certainly not bad for

a parent to help out a child.

I'm sure Oliver would agree.

Well...

Are you really

doing this right now?

Am I doing what?

I didn't start the toast.

Are you really about to

hit up my dad for money?

What? He does four

operations a day.

It's perfect.

It helps everybody

and it relieves his guilt from

all the abandonment issues.

You can't buy forgiveness.

Right, Pete?

I don't think anyone is looking for handouts.

I mean, you know...

We'd pay him back.

If you two are in a bind, I'd

be more than happy to help.

No. It's not good to borrow

money from family members

because it causes resentment.

Remember?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you want me to do? Okay.

Admit that my life is sh*t?

Is that what you want

me to say? You happy?

Aren't I allowed a little joy with

these children I never wanted to have?

You have never once stopped

asking us for money.

Family helps family.

It's true.

Family helps family.

Look, I don't expect

you to fully understand.

Your dad left.

You're broken inside.

It's not your fault

you can't feel love.

There's something

that you can't...

This is coming out wrong.

You know what? I would rather

have my dad than your dad.

Because he

doesn't drive me crazy.

You know what's the best

quality my father has?

Is he asks for nothing.

I don't know what the f***

he's thinking right now.

Look at that.

Nothing. Nothing.

I don't even know him.

And I turned out perfectly

fine without his input, okay?

I just figured out

what your problem is.

You hate Jews.

Which is so odd because

your children are Jewish.

Don't play the Jew card, Larry.

I'm not playing any Jew card.

Seriously, it's used up.

You can't use up a Jew card. That's

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