This Is 40 Page #5

Come on. I gotta

tell you something.

What?

Your mother wanted you aborted.

Oh. Jesus Christ.

No, no. It's the truth.

You know, it was the '70s.

We were 22 years old.

That's what everybody did. You did

some blow, had sex, had an abortion.

Really?

Yes.

We were on the way to

the doctor's office.

I said, "Let's stop,

have a pizza, talk about it."

"If you still wanna do it

after lunch, it's okay."

The pizza saved your life.

But don't give me money,

because I'm not worth it.

So, how much do I owe

you for saving my life?

I don't have a number. You just

keep giving like you're giving.

Hey. Oh, hi, Pete.

Hey.

Hey.

Why aren't you

playing with the kids?

We were playing

all day with them.

Pete is just talking to me

about his 40th birthday party.

Whatever I can do to help.

Okay. Did you feed them?

I fed half of one.

Half of...

Let's go, we'll feed them.

Mommy will feed them.

Who wants tuna with

a side of jet fuel?

Hi, I'm looking for my dad.

I mean, an older man.

So, how's Sony treating Pete?

He's not with Sony anymore.

He went out on his own.

Now he's able to

focus on the artists

that he's really

passionate about.

Hmm.

How's Sadie doing?

The last time I saw her, she was

throwing her Cheerios on the floor.

What a mess.

Right.

She just got her period.

Well, I guess she's not

a little baby anymore.

It would be nice to

see more of each other.

Well, we can certainly arrange for that.

I'd love to see the girls.

That would be nice.

Mm-hmm. It would.

Do you have a day that is better...

A good day?

I would say the weekends,

but our weekends are hell.

Soccer competitions,

kids' exams.

Right, right.

I mean, we're both so busy.

I have young children,

you have young children.

I don't think we should judge

ourselves too harshly about that.

I know, I wasn't...

I didn't say anything.

No, I'm glad we're here.

I think this is a good start.

And then, we can spend more

time together, it'd be nice.

It'd be nice.

Do you want to see

pictures of the kids?

Oh. Yeah.

This is Kel, my son.

He's handsome. He's 13?

Mm-hmm.

And that's Alexandra, my daughter.

She's a real perfectionist.

A lot like you.

That's the whole gang at Cabo.

Excuse me, dear,

I gotta go to the restroom.

Be right back.

Okay.

Daddy and I are

making some changes

so that we can be

happier and healthier.

And we're starting with

this meal that I prepared.

I think it looks great.

Doesn't it look good?

What is that, grilled cheeses?

No, baked tofu.

Oh.

It's actually really tasty.

And the lettuce is

so fresh and tasty

that you forget how good

lettuce tastes on its own,

without dressing.

No, dressing always gets in the way

of the natural taste of the lettuce.

And another thing we've decided

is to cut back on

all of the electronics we use.

Basically, what we're going to

do, is get rid of the Wi-Fi

and only use the computer...

What? ...from 8:
00

to 8:
30 at night.

How are we gonna

go on the computer?

We're gonna have

a hard line in the kitchen.

Yeah. We'll supervise that.

You can't do this. You

can't take away the Wi-Fi.

No Wi-Fi!

A-ha-ha.

You don't spend

enough time with the family

when you're constantly on your

iPhone and your computer.

And, you know, you're only

here for five more years.

So, you won't see

me after five years?

No, but you won't

be living with us.

And you should get to

know your little sister.

You've got the perfect

friend, right here.

I don't wanna be

friends with her now.

I'll be friends with her when

she's 20 and a normal person.

I don't wanna hang out

with her when I'm in my 20s.

You're on the computer

too much as it is.

You need to get outside more,

do some playing outside.

Yeah, you could build things.

You could build a fort outside.

What?

Yeah, build a fort.

Play with your

friends and have...

Make a fort? Outside?

And do what?

Do what in the fort?

When I was a kid, we used to build

tree houses and play with sticks.

Nobody plays with sticks.

You and Charlotte can

have a lemonade stand.

Play kick the can.

Look for dead bodies.

It's fun. That's fun to do.

Get a tire and then just take a stick

and run down a street with it.

Nobody does that crap.

It's 2012.

You don't need technology.

No technology!

Charlotte, put that down.

I don't need to be monitored

all the time on the computer.

I don't do anything bad.

Nobody said you were bad.

I don't do things

I'm not supposed to.

I don't illegally

download music.

I don't look at

porn like Wendy.

She is up to no good. She's not

allowed to come over here anymore.

What's porn?

No, she said "corn."

This isn't turning out

the way I wanted it to.

I'm not hungry.

No computer.

Listen to your mom.

I need to use it

for my homework.

She's outplaying us.

I know. She's tough.

This is the best

birthday present.

It's good to get away.

We haven't been to Laguna

without the kids in years.

I know. If we're

happy, they're happy.

Yeah, I mean, I can't take it.

With the hormones,

and the crying.

Jesus.

And "do my homework."

Them's lil' b*tches.

Them's lil' b*tches. Bugging

us for sh*t all the time.

And they never

appreciate anything.

No! God, no.

They're selfish a**holes.

Aw, I feel bad.

I love them.

I know.

I miss them already.

Should we go home?

Nah.

Why do we fight?

I don't know,

it makes no sense.

It makes no sense.

When we get in a fight,

look at my eyes and let's

remember this moment, right now,

and know that we

never have to fight.

But you're such

a dick sometimes.

I know, I am a dick sometimes.

People think I'm so nice,

but I'm such a dick.

Thank you for admitting that.

And you get so mad at me, I

feel like you want to kill me.

I do want to kill you.

How would you do it?

I don't know. I'd poison you.

I'd poison your cupcakes that you

pretend not to eat every day.

And just put enough in

to just slowly weaken you.

I love it.

I would enjoy our last few

months together. Me too.

Because you'd be

so weak and sweet.

And I could take care of you...

But while killing you.

See, you know

what I love about us?

You can still surprise me.

I figured, for sure, you'd knock me

out with one fell swoop of poison.

But you would extend it

over a series of months.

Have you ever

thought about killing me?

Oh, yeah.

Really?

Sure.

How would you do it?

Wood chipper.

A wood chipper?

Yeah.

A wood chipper.

Yeah.

Wow.

I know. Did you see Fargo?

Yeah.

Ugh.

That's a bad plan. The

cupcakes is a way better plan.

It is. You're right.

You know what?

I won't murder you.

Aw!

I love you.

I love you, too.

Do you know what I brought?

What?

A medical marijuana cookie. Ben

gave it to me last Christmas.

What?

Yeah. I brought it.

You did?

Chocolate chip kooky.

Should we do it?

Let's eat the cookie and then we'll

order a bunch of cheeseburgers.

Let's order the entire

room service menu.

Just get all of it. You

deserve it, you really do.

Wouldn't you

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