This Is 40 Page #8

much it's worth now.

It could be five,

it could be 20.

I don't want this.

I don't even like it.

I'm not gonna hang it up.

It's not for you to hang up.

It's for you to sell.

That way, I can give it to you

and you make some money,

and Debbie won't know

that I'm giving you anything.

You're not giving me money.

You're giving me a project.

I don't know how to sell this.

I'm not an art dealer.

I don't know.

Sell it online.

You know, do some research,

make some calls.

Or is that too hard to do

with your high blood pressure?

All right.

Don't get snippy.

Just because you write a great

song doesn't mean you can draw.

It's incredible.

John Lennon drew it.

I think it's a Ringo.

Don't beat me up if

I get $300 for it.

Don't take anything

less than $6,500 for that.

It's very valuable.

It's important to me.

I want you to sell

it so I can help you.

Okay.

All right.

I'll see you at my party.

What should I bring?

You want wine or something?

No, don't buy wine with my money

and give it to me at my party.

That's mean.

I love you. Bye.

All right.

How do I call eBay?

I mean, he called me a b*tch.

What am I supposed to say?

But I think maybe that

might mean he likes me.

I don't know. It's making me really...

It's really awkward.

I think he might like you.

She's so cute.

She's so tall.

I know.

How did that happen?

Do you ever wish we

had a bigger family?

No.

Never for a second.

Never.

Never?

Never.

I love what we have.

One? A breeze.

Two? Brutal.

Three?

Put a bullet in my head.

Ugh.

You know, I think about that

gray-haired pregnant lady from school,

and I just feel bad for her.

And I feel bad for the kid.

Can you imagine?

All the other little kids,

"Where's your mommy?"

"Oh, she's the one sitting in that

scooter, eating a soft cracker."

Kids don't want to

have old parents.

You know what? It would also be nice

for us to spend some time apart.

Kind of rediscover who

we are, individually.

It'd be so great to not

see you for a chunk of time,

so that I could

really just miss you.

Remember when we

used to miss each other?

Hey! Hey, you.

Yeah, what's up?

Hey, I'm Sadie's mom.

Sadie?

Sadie, the one you

chat with on the Internet.

No, man. That ain't me.

Well, it was you.

I saw your picture.

Did you make a hot list? And

not put Sadie on the hot list?

She was not on my list, no.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna make my own hot list.

And you know what?

You're on the not-hot list.

How does that feel?

It doesn't bother me. I'm

comfortable with the way I am.

Maybe you shouldn't be

so comfortable with yourself.

You know why?

You look like

a miniature Tom Petty.

How's that feel?

You think that

haircut's cool? It's not.

It looks like you put your

Justin Bieber wig on backwards.

Are you still

comfortable with yourself?

Why are you wearing

a tank top? Huh?

So you can show off your little bald

pits, you little hairless wonder?

Cool tank top,

man. Huh?

So next time you think about

writing something nasty

on my daughter's Facebook

page, just remember me.

Remember me.

I will come down here,

and I will f*** you up.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Wait a minute.

Hey, hey, hey!

Wait. You're not...

Are you crying?

Just let me go.

Oh, my...

I'm sorry.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm not in my right head.

I understand. My mom's going

through menopause, too.

It's a hard time.

What'd you say?

Are you going

through menopause?

I'm not going

through menopause.

I'm not gonna go through

menopause for like 20 years.

I'm pregnant, you little b*tch.

God damn it!

God damn it!

I'm going out with Desi to find

out if she's stealing from us.

I've got the Graham Parker concert.

Who's gonna watch the kids?

I don't know.

Figure it out.

I kind of just wanted to talk.

I thought maybe we could go

to a coffeehouse or something.

You want coffee?

This place has coffee.

They have all kinds of drinks.

Um...

But someplace quiet, maybe.

This place can be quiet.

There's a spot in the back.

It's pretty quiet.

What sport do you guys play?

We play hockey.

Oh, I like hockey.

Who do you guys play for?

We play for

the Philadelphia Flyers.

So, you guys are

all from Philadelphia?

No.

Actually, none of us are.

Do you guys still

have all of your teeth?

Well, I got all my teeth

except these ones.

Do you want to try them on?

Yeah, I'll do it.

Go for it.

Do I look sexy?

Yeah!

Do you want to

make out with me?

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

They definitely look way better

on her than they do on you.

Here we go.

Thank you.

So, should we go

to the quiet area?

No, no, no.

Where are you going?

We kind of have to have a little

business meeting tonight.

Business meeting?

Girls, you gotta celebrate because

we won tonight. Let's go.

I want to party with these winners.

Come on, Deb.

Just come to the stage

and dance with us.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah!

Okay, let's f***ing dance!

Yeah!

Don't be shy, feel free to come

down and fill up these empty seats.

Thank you so much for coming.

This is so exciting!

For the first time

in over 30 years,

Graham Parker & The Rumour.

Where are his fans?

I mean, where are they?

It's hard to watch a band when you

know all of them remember D-Day.

What was

the press turnout like?

Oh. You're serious?

Nobody came. Nobody.

Nobody is here?

The guy from Green Day is here.

Yeah, Billie Joe,

I emailed him. He's a fan.

You gotta get a photo

of the two of them.

No, he says he doesn't

want to do any press.

He's just watching the show.

Oh, how punk-rock of him.

"I don't like photographs."

Grow up, Green Day!

Shut the f*** up, Tom Selleck!

It's so good you did this.

Pete, I wanted to let you know that I

got offered a job at Sony Records,

and I think I'm gonna take it.

I used to work for Sony.

No, I know.

They love you there.

Who did you interview with?

John Cleary.

I hired John Cleary.

He hired me.

What do you know?

He only had lovely things

to say about you.

No, he's a dick,

and he's gonna f*** you too.

Not if I do a really good job.

Really? I signed Pearl Jam.

You don't have, like...

I wouldn't call them

classically good dance moves,

but you left it all out there.

You're a blast to dance with.

Thank you.

We're having a little shindig

at the hotel after this.

You should come by

and hang out at the hotel.

You want me to

come to the hotel?

Yes, I want you to come

by the hotel with me.

Well, what would we do there?

Maybe we can find somewhere quiet and

have fun and kind of see where it goes.

Do it like adults

do sometimes and...

Like, sex?

I mean, if you want.

If that's on the docket, but

I'm not trying to force that.

So, you would do sex with me?

"Do sex"?

What are you, Borat?

Are you hitting on me?

Yes, yes, I'm hitting on you.

You're hot and cool and nice

and you have beautiful eyes.

I'm sorry.

I'm married, I have two

kids and I'm pregnant.

That is what we call

the hat-trick. Wow.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

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