This Is the End Page #7
I'm not gonna
rape anyone, all right?
If anyone's gonna
rape somebody, it's Jay.
- What?
- He came up with the rape idea.
And his face looks
like the police sketch
of a f***ing rapist.
True.
What the f***
does that mean?
If anybody's
raping Emma Watson,
it's f***ing
Sir Rapes-a-Lot over here.
Chill out.
Hey!
Whoa!
Easy. Easy.
Back the f*** up!
Emma.
What's wrong?
Wait, what's wrong?
What's wrong?
I just heard
you guys talking about
which one of you is
gonna get to rape me.
No, no, no, no!
Guys, I got it.
I got it.
No. It's funny.
It's funny.
We were specifically
Jesus!
Holy sh*t!
Back up!
It's me, Jonah!
It's me, Jonah Hill.
America's sweetheart.
J - bug, J - bone.
Your friend. I would never hurt you.
Get back!
Give me everything you have to drink!
Put it in the bag!
There's six of us.
You cannot rob us!
I'm not f***ing around!
Give her drinks!
Give her drinks!
Put the drinks in a bag!
Oh, God.
Get all the drinks in a bag!
Hurry the f*** up!
Okay, they're getting
the drinks.
Put the ax down.
Don't give the Milky Way away.
All right, you can put
the ax down now.
Now, Franco!
Shoot her face!
Shoot her!
I'm not gonna
shoot Emma Watson!
Look, Emma, just stay here
with us.
It's a lot safer
than out there.
Hermione just stole
all of our sh*t.
Little bitty-ass
20-year-old jacked us.
And then Jay suggested that we all rape her,
and now she's gone.
I didn't...
I was just... I...
I think the only reason why he
did that is because Jay knows
he's about f***ing
two minutes away
from becoming
the house b*tch himself.
So now,
motherfuckers is thirsty.
All right, guys.
The door to the
basement's out there,
around the side
of the house.
I know for sure there's at least
two jugs of water.
Okay.
Uh...
Any volunteers?
Does anyone want to volunteer
and go with Jay?
What?
I thought you said, "Someone volunteer
to go with me out there. "
I must have
misheard you.
I'm sorry. You did
not, you motherf***er.
Hey, okay, ease up.
Just chill out, dude.
Just relax, man. God.
So how we gonna
decide this, fellas?
All right, guys, it's simple.
has to go get the water.
Who wants to go first?
I'll do it.
Craig.
All right.
Go ahead, brother.
No whammies, no whammies.
- Hey, hey.
- Yes! Yeah!
F***, yes!
Yes!
- Whoo!
- F***, yes. F***, yes.
So sorry, Craig.
A lot of guys in here
that I wish it was
instead of you.
You want to go
best two out of three?
If I tug, if I pull in any way,
or if you hear me screaming,
anything, you pull me
right back in, all right?
Yeah. We'll try, man,
but you're pretty heavy.
What?
No, I mean, I'm saying,
I just don't think it's smart
to make any guarantees.
F***, no.
You promise to pull me
back in. No, no, we're...
You got me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're gonna do our best.
All right.
You want to do a test run? Yeah.
You gotta scream.
Let us hear the scream.
Pull.
Nice. Very nice.
Everyone thank Craig
for doing this.
Thanks, Craig.
Thank you, Craig.
Go for it, Craig.
Getting smoky in here.
Go, go, go, go.
This is f***ed up.
Goddamn.
Smoky as f*** out here.
Rope burn!
Ah! Ooh!
Grab it, grab it,
grab it!
Oh, no, no, no, no!
Sh*t.
Oh, no.
Sh*t. Sh*t.
Come on, motherf***er.
Sh*t!
F*** this sh*t.
Fellas, fellas! Pull
me in! Pull the rope!
Pull me in! We don't
have the rope anymore!
We f***ing dropped it!
We're sorry!
You've got
the rope, man!
What?
Craig! What the f*** do we do?
Craig! Craig!
Are you okay?
What happened, man?
I don't know! There's
something out there.
Oh, sh*t!
A knife!
Somebody throw me a knife!
I'll get it.
Why?
OMG.
Jay, I'm so sorry, bro.
The f***?
Cut it! Cut it!
Cut it! Cut it! Cut it!
God! What the f***
was that?
I don't know what
the f*** that was,
but I ain't
going back out there.
Craig, you didn't even
get any of the water.
The door was f***ed up.
Damn it,
this is so frustrating!
It's so close,
but so far.
The water, it's, like,
right underneath us.
Like, right there.
What do you mean
"right underneath us"?
Like, literally,
like, right there.
If you went right
through the floor.
Yo.
Danny and Jonah's shift ends in ten
minutes, so our break is almost over.
Okay.
Let me ask you something.
You really think this is
the Apocalypse?
You saw something
out there, didn't you?
All right, let's just say for
sake of argument, what if I did?
What if this is the real
sh*t, right now, happening?
What if it is, man? We're
not prepared for this.
What do we do? What's
next? It says in the Bible,
"The worthy will
ascend to Heaven. "
Even if it is the Apocalypse,
it's not the end of us.
There's still hope.
We just have to somehow try
to prove our worthiness.
Okay, so, you mean, like,
like the Ten Commandments,
like, do sh*t unto people
that'll do
the same sh*t to you.
That's a great
place to start.
You know,
to just overall love.
Just be nicer and follow those
commandments.
Listen. We're gonna
get through this.
We're gonna get
through this, man.
You know why?
'Cause we're gonna do it together.
You promise?
We're gonna do this.
I hear everything.
Who did this?
Did what?
What are you talking about?
Jizzed all over the pages
of this nice magazine
I was nice enough
to tell you about.
Was it you, Seth?
No.
No?
It was me, Franco.
I f***ing made jizz
in your magazine.
Why?
When I f***ing jack off
long enough,
I end up jizzing, dude.
I'm assuming the same sh*t
works for you?
Real f***ing smart answer!
Why don't you f***ing aim, huh?
I have a particularly explosive ejaculate.
It just goes everywhere.
It's like a f***ing
wild fireman's hose.
You just got to grab on
and pray to God
it doesn't get in your eyes
or your mouth.
The f*** kind of
jerking off is that?
What, you never had
any brothers?
You didn't learn to jizz in a f***ing
sock or on a f***ing tissue?
No, I don't have
any brothers.
I was raised
in a house of women!
I highly doubt
they f***ing taught you
to f***ing close your eyes and
f***ing cum wherever you want!
I mean, you're getting
all worked up
over a f***ing
porno mag!
Who has goddamn
porno mags anymore?
Welcome to the 21 st century,
Buck Rogers!
f***ing iPads in the walls,
yet you're jerking your dick like
a goddamn pilgrim!
That's right, man.
I like to f***ing read!
You think that's the only thing
I jerked off in here?
I've been dropping loads around
this f***ing house
like a goddamn
dump truck.
You don't
cum on my stuff!
I'll cum wherever
the f*** I want, James.
I'll f***ing cum
in your kitchen.
I'll cum on
your f***ing art.
I'll cum anywhere
I want!
I will f***ing cum
right on you!
I will cum like a f***ing
madman all over you, McBride!
Ooh. I f***ing wish you'd
cum on me right now.
I f***ing dare you
to cum on me!
God!
I'm gonna jack my dick
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"This Is the End" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/this_is_the_end_21800>.
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