This Is the End Page #7

I'm not gonna

rape anyone, all right?

If anyone's gonna

rape somebody, it's Jay.

- What?

- He came up with the rape idea.

And his face looks

like the police sketch

of a f***ing rapist.

True.

What the f***

does that mean?

If anybody's

raping Emma Watson,

it's f***ing

Sir Rapes-a-Lot over here.

Chill out.

Hey!

Whoa!

Easy. Easy.

Back the f*** up!

Emma.

What's wrong?

Wait, what's wrong?

What's wrong?

I just heard

you guys talking about

which one of you is

gonna get to rape me.

No, no, no, no!

Guys, I got it.

I got it.

No. It's funny.

It's funny.

We were specifically

talking about not raping you.

Jesus!

Holy sh*t!

Back up!

It's me, Jonah!

It's me, Jonah Hill.

America's sweetheart.

J - bug, J - bone.

Your friend. I would never hurt you.

Get back!

Give me everything you have to drink!

Put it in the bag!

There's six of us.

You cannot rob us!

I'm not f***ing around!

Give her drinks!

Give her drinks!

Put the drinks in a bag!

Oh, God.

Get all the drinks in a bag!

Hurry the f*** up!

Okay, they're getting

the drinks.

Put the ax down.

Don't give the Milky Way away.

All right, you can put

the ax down now.

Now, Franco!

Shoot her face!

Shoot her!

I'm not gonna

shoot Emma Watson!

Look, Emma, just stay here

with us.

It's a lot safer

than out there.

Hermione just stole

all of our sh*t.

Little bitty-ass

20-year-old jacked us.

And then Jay suggested that we all rape her,

and now she's gone.

I didn't...

I was just... I...

I think the only reason why he

did that is because Jay knows

he's about f***ing

two minutes away

from becoming

the house b*tch himself.

So now,

motherfuckers is thirsty.

All right, guys.

The door to the

basement's out there,

around the side

of the house.

I know for sure there's at least

two jugs of water.

Okay.

Uh...

Any volunteers?

Does anyone want to volunteer

and go with Jay?

What?

I thought you said, "Someone volunteer

to go with me out there. "

I must have

misheard you.

I'm sorry. You did

not, you motherf***er.

Hey, okay, ease up.

Just chill out, dude.

Just relax, man. God.

So how we gonna

decide this, fellas?

All right, guys, it's simple.

Whoever pulls the burnt match

has to go get the water.

Who wants to go first?

I'll do it.

Craig.

All right.

Go ahead, brother.

No whammies, no whammies.

- Hey, hey.

- Yes! Yeah!

F***, yes!

Yes!

- Whoo!

- F***, yes. F***, yes.

So sorry, Craig.

A lot of guys in here

that I wish it was

instead of you.

You want to go

best two out of three?

If I tug, if I pull in any way,

or if you hear me screaming,

anything, you pull me

right back in, all right?

Yeah. We'll try, man,

but you're pretty heavy.

What?

No, I mean, I'm saying,

I just don't think it's smart

to make any guarantees.

F***, no.

You promise to pull me

back in. No, no, we're...

You got me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're gonna do our best.

All right.

You want to do a test run? Yeah.

You gotta scream.

Let us hear the scream.

Pull.

Nice. Very nice.

Everyone thank Craig

for doing this.

Thanks, Craig.

Thank you, Craig.

Go for it, Craig.

Getting smoky in here.

Go, go, go, go.

This is f***ed up.

Goddamn.

Smoky as f*** out here.

Rope burn!

Ah! Ooh!

Grab it, grab it,

grab it!

Oh, no, no, no, no!

Sh*t.

Oh, no.

Sh*t. Sh*t.

Come on, motherf***er.

Sh*t!

F*** this sh*t.

Fellas, fellas! Pull

me in! Pull the rope!

Pull me in! We don't

have the rope anymore!

We f***ing dropped it!

We're sorry!

You've got

the rope, man!

What?

Craig! What the f*** do we do?

Craig! Craig!

Are you okay?

What happened, man?

I don't know! There's

something out there.

Oh, sh*t!

A knife!

Somebody throw me a knife!

I'll get it.

Why?

OMG.

Jay, I'm so sorry, bro.

The f***?

Cut it! Cut it!

Cut it! Cut it! Cut it!

God! What the f***

was that?

I don't know what

the f*** that was,

but I ain't

going back out there.

Craig, you didn't even

get any of the water.

The door was f***ed up.

Damn it,

this is so frustrating!

It's so close,

but so far.

The water, it's, like,

right underneath us.

Like, right there.

What do you mean

"right underneath us"?

Like, literally,

like, right there.

If you went right

through the floor.

Yo.

Danny and Jonah's shift ends in ten

minutes, so our break is almost over.

Okay.

Let me ask you something.

You really think this is

the Apocalypse?

You saw something

out there, didn't you?

All right, let's just say for

sake of argument, what if I did?

What if this is the real

sh*t, right now, happening?

What if it is, man? We're

not prepared for this.

What do we do? What's

next? It says in the Bible,

"The worthy will

ascend to Heaven. "

Even if it is the Apocalypse,

it's not the end of us.

There's still hope.

We just have to somehow try

to prove our worthiness.

Okay, so, you mean, like,

like the Ten Commandments,

like, do sh*t unto people

that'll do

the same sh*t to you.

That's a great

place to start.

You know,

to just overall love.

Just be nicer and follow those

commandments.

Listen. We're gonna

get through this.

We're gonna get

through this, man.

You know why?

'Cause we're gonna do it together.

You promise?

We're gonna do this.

I hear everything.

Who did this?

Did what?

What are you talking about?

Jizzed all over the pages

of this nice magazine

I was nice enough

to tell you about.

Was it you, Seth?

No.

No?

It was me, Franco.

I f***ing made jizz

in your magazine.

Why?

When I f***ing jack off

long enough,

I end up jizzing, dude.

I'm assuming the same sh*t

works for you?

Real f***ing smart answer!

Why don't you f***ing aim, huh?

I have a particularly explosive ejaculate.

It just goes everywhere.

It's like a f***ing

wild fireman's hose.

You just got to grab on

and pray to God

it doesn't get in your eyes

or your mouth.

The f*** kind of

jerking off is that?

What, you never had

any brothers?

You didn't learn to jizz in a f***ing

sock or on a f***ing tissue?

No, I don't have

any brothers.

I was raised

in a house of women!

I highly doubt

they f***ing taught you

to f***ing close your eyes and

f***ing cum wherever you want!

I mean, you're getting

all worked up

over a f***ing

porno mag!

Who has goddamn

porno mags anymore?

Welcome to the 21 st century,

Buck Rogers!

You designed a house with

f***ing iPads in the walls,

yet you're jerking your dick like

a goddamn pilgrim!

That's right, man.

I like to f***ing read!

You think that's the only thing

I jerked off in here?

I've been dropping loads around

this f***ing house

like a goddamn

dump truck.

You don't

cum on my stuff!

I'll cum wherever

the f*** I want, James.

I'll f***ing cum

in your kitchen.

I'll cum on

your f***ing art.

I'll cum anywhere

I want!

I will f***ing cum

right on you!

I will cum like a f***ing

madman all over you, McBride!

Ooh. I f***ing wish you'd

cum on me right now.

I f***ing dare you

to cum on me!

God!

I'm gonna jack my dick

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