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Oh, f*** you!

Don't turn this

around on us.

You just tried to shoot us,

you f***ing d*ckhead!

F***ing murdering

motherf***er!

Whatever. F***ing

civilization is broken down.

There's no more reason

for this false bullshit.

You guys act like you're so

f***ing high and mighty,

like you've never made a goddamn

mistake before.

Franco, you're just

a pretentious f***ing nerd.

F*** you.

And, Jonah,

you f***ing c*nt.

Craig, you didn't have

my back, back there.

You f***in' disappoint me.

Bro.

And, Seth,

you duplicitous taint.

What? Then of course, there's Jay,

the self-righteous, cock-sucking,

two-faced backstabber.

What the f***

are you talking about?

I overheard your little

conversation with Craig, all right?

The only reason why you

care about any of us is

because you think that's

what God wants you to do.

You don't give

a sh*t about us.

No, no, no, no, that's

f***ing twisting that sh*t...

You're f***ing lying.

Am I twisting this?

I believe you were

in Los Angeles

two months ago,

at the Four Seasons.

I saw you there, and you specifically

asked me not to tell Seth,

so that you could

maintain the illusion

that you always

stay with Seth

when you're in Los Angeles.

Ooh!

Jay.

F***, man.

It's not...

Textbook twattage.

And just for

the record, you guys,

I'm choosing to leave,

you're not kicking me out.

You guys had already said

that I could come back in

and I'm the one who said

that I'm not coming back in.

Don't be cocky.

Get the f***

out of here.

Is that true?

Yes.

Jay...

I know this is

probably my fault

because I put you

on a pedestal,

but you should not be

dishonest with your friends.

But you really

let me down.

Hey! Whoa!

Jay, damn, man.

F***er.

What the hell?

It's all f***ed,

isn't it?

Jonah, you okay?

Yeah.

Bleeding?

Yeah.

His insides hurt worse

than my outsides.

Dear God,

I'd like to pray

to You for a second.

It's me, Jonah Hill.

From Moneyball.

I hate Jay

so f***ing much.

I think he might be the

worst person You ever created.

I don't want to

judge You, but...

What's up? What were

You thinking that day?

I love Seth, I love being his

friend, he's an awesome guy,

but it's like Jay is

the last connection

to his shitty,

weird Canadian life.

Just do me one favor, God.

Just kill Jay.

That'd be so tight.

Stop, man.

Seriously, Craig, stop.

Your nails are sharp.

This is no dream!

This is really happening!

No!

Something, um, not that

chill happened last night.

Yo, so, I just drank my

own pee for the first time.

And it ain't bad.

I never thought to do it.

I always thought, you know,

pee stink, whatever, but...

Shh.

I think we all remember

how this works.

Whoever gets the burnt match

has to go to one of Franco's

neighbors' houses, get us

some food and some water.

No-ho-ho.

No, I'm not going first.

I'll go first.

Thank you.

Very mature of you.

Thank you.

Yes!

Sorry.

Good job.

You okay, Jonah?

What's that?

You okay?

Yeah. Just bad sleep.

Crazy dream.

Here, Jonah.

Jonah.

Okay.

Sh*t.

Craigers,

you feeling lucky?

Will history

repeat itself?

Thank you.

You got this, dawg.

Seth! No! Not you!

I'm not going.

What?

I'm not going.

I'm bowing out.

I'm declining to go.

What?

Let me break it

down for you.

I'm not f***ing going.

You are definitely going.

Tell him he's f***ing going.

Tell you what, why don't you

f***ing go, Mr. Self-Righteous?

You're constantly saying what

a**holes we are, how good you are.

You go get us

some f***in' water.

I will go.

Because I have

something called honor.

F***, f***, f***.

That's good. Yeah,

you're very honorable.

I'll go with you, Jay.

Really?

Is it because of

our pact upstairs?

Nah, 'cause you got

them skinny-ass arms.

You couldn't carry enough

to feed a hamster.

It's working.

Let's get that money.

Let's do it.

Yo. Out and to the left. Shh-shh.

Bye.

Oh, my God.

What?

That's so sad.

Innocence lost.

What is that?

Fire.

There's, like,

fire everywhere.

Damn it!

Hey, hey!

F***, yeah. Let's go,

let's go, let's go.

Hello?

Shut the f*** up!

What? You yelling that sh*t for?

We got to find out...

Don't yell no more, man.

Crack you in the head

with this frying pan.

Okay. So we should probably

split up, cover more ground.

What you think

this is, Scooby-Doo?

We're gonna go in there,

we're gonna find the kitchen,

and get as much sh*t

as we can, together!

Then we're getting

the f*** out of here.

All right, all right.

All right?

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing?

That should be me

out there.

I totally f***ed

those guys.

Mmm.

F*** was that?

Oh, f***!

Is he okay?

Dude! Jonah!

What the f***?

What do we do?

- Do you know first aid or anything?

- No.

Jonah!

I suck at first aid.

Are you okay? Sh*t!

Jonah?

Oh, no.

Low blood sugar. LBS.

LBS! He's having an

LBS episode!

I'll get the Milky Way!

You get the Milky Way!

Ugh!

Jay.

Jonah, stay with me!

Stay with me.

I got it, I got it, I got

it, got it, open his mouth.

It's your friend, Seth.

Open his mouth.

Open his mouth. Open his

mouth. I'll get this in there.

Okay, okay.

Shove it right in there.

Jonah.

Milky Way, Jonah.

You love the Milky Way.

Yummy, yum.

It's not f***ing

working, man!

What the f***!

How do we

get it in there?

Chew it up, chew it up and spit

in his mouth like a baby bird.

Mmm!

You just

swallowed it, man.

It's so good.

Give me a bite.

Mmm!

The second it hits your

mouth is, like, amazing.

Okay.

Open it.

What the f*** was that?

That's Hebrew.

That's not Hebrew.

It's f***in' Latin

or something like that.

I went to Hebrew school for

six years. That's not Hebrew.

You will drown in

a river of blood.

The End of Days is here.

You will quiver in the

shadow of Kingdom Come.

Judgment Day is upon you.

The Apocalypse is nigh!

Hey, I think

that's all it could fit.

Man, let's take this back to

Franco's, get the f*** out of here.

Uh, uh...

What are we

going back for?

What are you

talking about?

In theory, we could

just f***in' stay here.

And here,

you don't have to sleep

in a friggin'

tent under a dick.

I like my dick tent.

I'm just saying,

we could build a life here together,

Craig. I'd be really good to you.

All I know is

I'm scared as hell,

and I just want to

get back to our friends.

Yeah, but they're

not my friends.

Seth is your friend.

We've been growing apart for years.

That's why I didn't stay

with him last time I was here.

And I stayed with him this

time to try and salvage it,

but clearly

that didn't work out.

Jay, like it or not,

those a**holes

are all we got.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, that was a creak.

What is that?

Ew! What is that? Is that bile?

I don't know.

It's cold.

Sniff it.

No. You sniff it.

Ew!

What?

It smells like puke.

Ew! Ew!

Don't get it on me! Ew!

It's in my eyes!

Dude!

It's in my mouth!

He's gone!

Where is he?

He's f***ing gone!

Sh*t! Sh*t!

Sh*t! Sh*t!

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