TiMER Page #4

- Y la luz parpadea.

Mom, why don't you invite

Luz and her family inside?

Yes! Yes, yes.

Dice that tenemos una sanilla in the Mostar.

I'm sorry, Ms. DePaul,

we're late for dinner.

Well, you have dinner here!

No, it's a dinner held in my honor.

All the boys in the neighborhood.

That's a moot point now,

wouldn't you say?

I'm sorry, we have to go.

Thank you.

Well, that was a little rude.

In-laws.

They're shocked.

Just like we are.

You can't blame them.

Sweetie.

She seems really nice.

And tall.

Marion.

Give him a minute.

He can't process this, Mom, you know.

He doesn't even have chest hair,

and he just met the girl he's

supposed to grow old with.

He has no idea of what love is.

Do either of you?

Exactly.

Every once in a while,

I'm the person most qualified

for the job.

God, I love it when she's

fierce like that.

Seriously, do you think it's

weird that we've never

been in love?

No.

It only happens once, so we're due.

Yes. But, do you think that

they thought like that...

That it only happens once.

Before the timer?

I'm just saying, like the expression

"first love" does imply

there's seconds and thirds.

You're so asking the wrong girl.

No help to me.

- Good night, Cindy.

- Good night.

Hey.

Motherf***er!

You just hit me in the face!

Why'd you-- What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you again.

Why?

You make a strong case.

Stay here.

- She's not here.

- Uh, who?

My sister Steph.

We live together.

Oh, you guys don't get along?

Oh no, we do. She's my best friend.

Is this her?

Uh-huh.

Oh, are you guys twins?

No. No, she's my stepsister

we just happen to share

the same birthday.

Every year, my Mom throws us

a surprise party.

Wait, how is it a surprise

if she does it every year?

Oh, we all pretend.

Nice.

Oh. Okay. So how, um...

How many more times

are we gonna do this?

As many more times as you let me.

Okay, um. See, I--

I'm not like you. I've slept with

a total of four men in my life

and each time, I've had to face the

very real possibility of losing them.

And with you, it's actually

not a possibility.

It's an absolute certainty.

So I guess you can relax, then.

Wait, um. So you're saying that

I'm, uh... I'm lucky number 5?

So we're good now?

Yeah...

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Yeah?

- Yeah!

- Yeah?

Shut up.

- Okay.

- Okay.

My Mom got hers when she was

still married to my Dad.

It was her proof that they

should get a divorce.

Do you still talk to him?

Not since I was a kid.

He's a music producer and kind of...

We just don't have a lot in common.

Wait. Hold the phone.

Your Dad is Rick O'Leary?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Is this a joke? He's a legend!

So they tell me.

I've had sex with

Rick O'Leary's daughter.

I'm so much cooler than I thought.

That's like the only

cool thing about you.

Oh, snap!

Are your parents still together?

Yeah. They met the old-fashioned way.

They had four strapping young sons,

I'm the youngest and most strapping.

Any of your brothers missing Timers?

Why, you looking for a date?

A girl's gotta be proactive,

I can't just

sit here and feel bad about

my crappy situation.

It's not as crappy as your sister's.

Well, I guess.

One could argue that

knowing is better than

not knowing. Even if

knowing is tremendously

disappointing. At least

she can live her life.

Accomplish what she wants,

plan for her future.

Is that what she's doing?

No.

No. We need a little mystery in life.

Well...

If you feel that way,

why did you get a Timer?

Some people lead, I follow.

Why are you so far away?

I don't know why.

- I don't know why either.

- You're stupid.

- Idiot.

- You're an idiot.

- You're the idiot.

- You're an idiot.

- You're an idiot.

- Shut up.

- You're the shut up.

- Shut up.

Miss DePaul.

Where were you an hour ago?

Right here. Doing my job.

Smile on my face.

Then why did Mrs. Kaufman's

call roll over to voicemail

three times in a row?

Are you gonna take the side

of a tattle-tale?

Ms. DePaul, we don't

pay you to be glib,

or to leave your desk unattended.

I'm sorry for interrupting.

That was my fault.

When I came in,

I forgot where my grandfather's

room was, and

I asked Steph to show it to me.

Really?

- Yeah.

- What's his name?

Dutch Solomon.

Doctor Rosen, call the lab.

Beg your pardon.

You didn't have to do that.

I'm sorry.

He just seemed to be getting on your

case a little unnecessarily.

Uh, no, it was necessary alright,

'cause I was sucking down a caramel

frapuccino about an hour ago.

OK, you want me to get him back here?

We can just tell him the truth.

I know I'll feel better.

Nah, 'cause then that would make me

a good influence on you.

You ever been in the Pocket Watch?

You coming by the bar tonight?

Uh... I've, uh...

Yeah, I don't know, why?

Because you haven't been by in a decade.

And because I might've found

your next Timerless puppet.

Good teeth.

Endearingly clueless.

No scars and/or visible tattoos.

Uh... Yeah. Okay, I'll, I'll...

I'll swing by.

What?

- Why are you weird?

- Why are you weird?

You're good at that.

Yeah. And you look like Mr. Rogers.

Dutch insisted.

Always a good idea to take

your social cues from

an octogenarian.

What's your drink?

I'm afraid to tell you.

I promise I won't make fun of you.

Just guess.

My sister, she's gonna be here

in a little bit, so.

Okay.

Oona.

You have spectacular teeth.

- I know.

- You've got a...

femur in the way back.

And your tricuspids are

just spectacular.

I need suction.

- Oh, suction.

- Go ahead.

OK, so... Oops, sorry.

I think I just...

got that hangy-ball thing, there,

let me just put that back in there.

No answer.

I hope she's trapped

under a cross-beam.

This was a setup?

Your sister has a blank Timer.

Can't get anything past you.

Look, thank you. Really.

I'm sure your sister is great,

but I'm not really looking for--

whatever.

How come no "whatever" for you?

I was married.

And my wife died. So...

I'm sorry.

No, no, no, look. See, this

is why I don't tell people.

You're the most inappropriate

person I've ever met.

And now you're getting all

appropriate on me.

So, you wanna make out?

What?

I'm sorry. I...

- It's okay.

- No, I should be put down.

Don't worry. She had a

sense of humor, it's alright.

So, how long ago was it?

Three years ago, this December.

What was she like?

She was beautiful.

She was complicated, though.

It's like she was always waiting

for something bad to happen, and...

I guess it finally did.

And she was your One?

Of course.

- Even without a Timer, you knew?

- Yeah.

Okay.

Whoah, fresh out of booze.

Have a nice night.

I love my job.

It shows.

Are you interested in doing

something else?

Besides serve drinks and

answer the phones?

Whatever for?

I don't know, isn't that how it works

out here? Like your waitress

is an actress. The guy who bags

your groceries is a writer?

Well, here's the plain truth:

By night, I tend bar to meet men,

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